Monday, October 7, 2013

You said What Now?

There are lots of things about being a parent that you can never prepare for, and you'll say a lot of things that you'd never thought you'd ever say, and your kids will say things that will just boggle your mind.

So, with that in mind, here's a brief list of weird, funny, or disturbing things we have said or the boys have said since their arrival:

- "Hey, why you rubbing that sexy off?!"  (Pizzmeister to me)

- "Way to poop it up, man!  Good Job!" (Me to Pizzmeister)

- "Why is your head in the Toilet?" (Me to Pizzmeister)

- "Stop trying to grab your brother's poopy!  Yucky yucky gross gross!" (Me to Two-zy)

- "Daddy, you're booby is fuzzy!"  (Pizzmeister to me)

- "Daddy, Mommy has a penis!"  "No, Buddy.  She has a vagina."  "Yes, she does!  It's inside out!" (a conversation between the pizzmeister and me this morning)

- "Daddy!  My Penis!  It's HUGE!"  (The Pizzmeister to Me)

- "Man, would you please stop biting the dog's Butt?!"  (Me to the Pizzmeister)

- "Man, you need to stop stuffing cars in your diaper!"  (Me to Two-zy)

- "Damn, damn, goddamn!" (Two-zy for no apparent reason at 13 months)

- "Quiet Daddy! I'm trying to fart!"  (Pizzmeister to me)

- "Daddy, you're an ugly girl!"  (Pizzmeister to me)

- "Oh man, don't pee on the cat!" (me to both boys numerous times while potty training)

- "Hey man, the idea is to sit on the potty, not wear it as a hat." (me to Two-zy)

- "Let's keep this baby.  If she cries we can give her baby milk. She can have brother's baby milk."  (Pizzmeister to Mama Bear)

- "There's a gomdamn fox on the ceiling!"  (Pizzmeister to Mama Bear and I)

- "Buddy, why are you putting your butt in my face?"  "Oh Daddy, it's ok.  It's just my butt.  You like it."  (Conversation between the Pizzmeister and me)

- "Mommy, I'm going to grow up into a baby, so I can nurse your boobies!"  (Pizzmeister to Mama Bear)

- "Oh Daddy, you're such a good boy!  You're pooping very well!" (Pizzmeister to me)

- "Daddy!  We're Poopy buddies now!" (Pizzmeister to me)

- "Oh, Man.  That ain't right! You're poo is all over my leg!"  (Me to Two-zy)

- "Daddy!  Stay still!  I want to rub my butt on you!"  (Pizzmeister to me)

- "Just do it my way it's better"  (Pizzmeister to Mama Bear)

- "Look, Daddy, sneaky nuts!"  (Pizzmeister proudly showing off how his testicles are sneaking out of his big boy underwear)

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