Monday, March 24, 2014

Finding Our True Entertainment Center

As I was sitting on the floor with my coffee in hand and playing monster trucks and trains with my darlings this morning, I looked over at our new entertainment center, and it kind of hit me that this is the life I know I am made for.

I can't picture it any other way.

Yeah, these kids occasionally drive me bat crap crazy, but, let me tell you.  I still get that same, "I don't think I will ever be angry or sad again!" feeling when I hold them, just like the feeling I had the first time I held them.

For sure, I would also love a larger, fancier house, but a bigger house wouldn't really change anything.  The brats would still be the center of our lives, and a bigger house will mean I can fill it with more toys. 

Of course, I would love to have a metric poop ton of money, but I am  not sure if I would like how that would change me. I'd like to think that we'd still end up having an entertainment center that looked like this, with the day care style toy bins and plethora of toys overflowing in it, but who knows.  

The Wii and DVD player are hidden somewhere in there, but you'll not find any dvd's or Wii games in it for a few different reasons.  

1.) The brats can't stop themselves from tossing the discs and cases all over the place.  Then, of course, like the animals they are, they have to chew on them once they are scattered all over the floor. 

The number of game cases and dvd cases that look like they've been through a war, or, at the least, mauled by wild animals is astounding!

2.) The boys like to play a game they call feed the hungry monster.  In this game they take all the discs out of their cases and start shoving them in the dvd player, a.k.a. the hungry monster. 

Walking in on that twice is two times too many for this dad, and since I am unable to get rid of the brats,  I'll just move the movies and games out of harms way.

3.) I am not sure if I should call it being domesticated or less selfish or what, but, to be honest, most of the movies and games were for me, and when I was younger and had no brats I liked movies that had plenty of violence and cussing and explosions etc...In other words, not very family friendly movies and games.

That's not the case now.  Now, my taste in movies and games have changed, at least during day light hours.

During day light hours, I like whatever will make the brats settle down and sit quietly for an hour or so while my ears have a chance to stop ringing from the constant shrieking.  

4.) The real reason that we changed up the entertainment center and removed all the DVD's and Wii games is because families are all about compromise. The boys are the center of our lives, and they like toys.  

Those other things, video games and movies, just aren't that important to them, so Mama Bear and I compromised. We got rid of our old center and replaced it with one that we could fill with all the toys and crap that the brats love and still have our surround sound system and game console in it.  We all win!

Plus, the house looks less cluttered because now the boys actually put away their toys.  Of course, it has only been a few days, so the novelty of having daycare center style bins will wear off, but still.  I'll take a few days of them picking up after themselves.     

Monday, March 3, 2014

Parents Say Absurd Things

It's been four years and some change since I first became a dad.  I can honestly say that it has been the best thing to ever happen to me, and I never knew I could feel so much prior to the brats being here.  It was like I finally realized what love is and means and how great it is!  These bratty kids make me a better person, and I love them so much that there are times I get temporarily insane with it, and I think to myself, "You know, I think I would really like a few more.  Maybe even go Dugger style and have a score of children or something..."

Then, immediately after thinking such a thing, I will catch myself yelling out some sort of absurdity.

Absurd Things I have Yelled at my Brats
(a never ending list)

- "You're not allowed to think until after I've had my coffee!"

- "All right!  That's It!  I'm calling off this war until after I've had another pot of coffee!"

- "Buddy, I realize you're happy, and that's great, but you're driving me crazy with your happiness!"

- "THERE WILL BE NO SHOUTING IN THE HOUSE!" (To be fair I may have screeched this to be heard over the din)

- "It's Rude to fart on your brother! Yes, I know, I've farted on you guys before, but do you really want to emulate my behavior?"

- "If you don't start listening to me right now, I'm going to cry and then we'll all be sorry!"

- "Who taught you that (any number of things)?!  And, don't you dare throw me under the bus!"

- "Did you seriously just put me in time out and banish me to my room?!"

- "More worky, less talky!"

- "I don't understand why you're smiling!"

- "This is not fun time!  Shopping is serious business!"

- "Don't make me ask you again, or I'll be forced to...ask you again or something!  I really don't want it to come to that!"

- actual conversation this morning (3/3/2014) 

Me: "You wait until Mama gets home then we'll see who'll be laughing" 
Pizzmeister : "she will"
Me: "Probably"

- "Hey! Stopping being nice to your brother!"

- "The dog is not toilet paper!"

- "Your mouth is not a weapon!  Do not use it as such!  In fact, don't use anything like a weapon!  Weapons are bad!"

- "Did I ask you to put this stuff away or did I ask you to sit quietly on the couch?  Seriously...I don't even remember anymore! Whatever!  Resume!"

- "Why is poop funny?"

- "Yes, I asked you a question, but I didn't expect an answer!"

- "You're not a dog!  PLease, please, please, please, don't drink from the toilet!!!"

- "Fine!  Scream all you want! You'll just lose your voice and be quieter later!  Makes no difference to me."

- "Man, could you quit laughing for five minutes!  You guys are giving me the creeps.  How are bananas that funny?!"

- "Pal, I'm glad you think I'm in charge, but that is obviously not a correct assumption at this point in time."

- "Buddy, I love talking with you.  It's one of my favorite things to do in the whole world, but perhaps we could take a breather and resume our conversation after you have had a chance to catch your breathe and I have had a chance to capture whatever remains of my sanity and stop it from running away."  "Wait. why are you laughing.  I wasn't joking! How is that even funnier!!"

- "Why do you insist on being creepy?"

- "Buddy, it really scares me when you tell me you want to eat my eyes!"

- "Guys, guys, guys, could you at least pretend to be listening to me, please?  For my sake?"

- "Buddy, please!  All I am asking you to do is try to go poopy.  It's not the end of the world, Chicken Little!"