Monday, December 16, 2013

Lying to Little Ones to Bring a Little Magic to the Season!

Well, the brats had their annual Christmas party yesterday, and, of course, I had to miss most of it due to a prior engagement.

I was a little sad that I was going to miss all the fun, and had to explain to the boys that when you tell someone that you are going to do something, you have to do it.  I talked to the Pizzmeister and said, "I told the lady of the coffee shop I would play for her and her customers months ago.  I can't just not show up or cancel with no notice.  I'd never be asked to come back."

Anyway, as I was explaining all this stuff about what it means to be responsible and needing to follow through and do what you say you are going to do, the Pizzmeister looked at me and said that he understood and that he was sad I wasn't going to make most of the party, but he'd forgive me...this time.  


Finally, it was time to leave for the party and Mama Bear took them out of the house!

Time for the transformation to begin!

I had no prior commitment.  In fact, I had been planning this for months.  It's the only reason I grow my beard out.  

I want my boys and our friends and their children to have the best Santa to come to visit them as possible.  Who better than somebody who knows and loves them all?

And, that somebody, of course, is me. 

So, once a year, I go through a whole ordeal in an attempt to provide a little extra magic to the season for all the little ones we love around here. 

I use some non-toxic white paint to color my hair a light gray, dry it, and use hair spray so it doesn't flake off and leave signs of it not being real white hair.  

Yes, I realize that Santa wears a hat, but these are kids I'm dealing with here.  You need to prepare for the inevitable, hat grab.  The hair needs to match the beard.

Anyway, when I am satisfied with that, I repeat the process for my eye brows, and then trim my beard to make it look right. Then, I paint and spray that too 2 or three times. Then as that is all drying, I have to find my old glasses and change into them, inspect my suit, and then suit up and put my game face on.


I go from being Just a Dizzy Dad to a Rockin' Santa!

Now, all I have to do is get to the party be happy and jolly and get back here and take off all the paint, weed wack my beard, cut my hair, find my correct glasses, clean up all the evidence, and head back to the party as myself apologizing for being so freaking late.

Yeah, it's a major pain in the ass!

But, seeing all the tiny faces light up or scream in terror makes it all worthwhile, and I am seriously going to miss doing it as I think this is the last year I can pull it off. The rugrats are just getting too old and wise, which makes me sad.

It's just one more sign that they are growing up, and I am not ready for them too, any of them.

I'm not too proud to admit that this thought of them getting older fills me with paranoia and sadness and pride and makes me almost cry.

I guess, I am just going to have to make the most of what little time I have left with them while things like magic still exist.


P.s.  Here's a few photos I stole from one of our awesome friends of the visit.  I hope he doesn't mind.  

Party Crasher

As long as Santa has stuff he's welcome

baby's first x-mas

Uh oh!  Not to thrilled with the big man in red

Add caption

Yeah, Santa is tooting!

Present Carnage!

Of course, Santa can't stay to help with clean up 

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Spoil them Rotten Parent vs Practical Parent

I've found that there are two key players inside of every parent, one of which is the "Spoil the Kids Rotten Parent" who wants your brats to have all the shit in the world, and then feels bad when you can't give it to them.  This is especially true during the holiday season.

The other important player inside us parent types, is the "Practical Parent" who is...well...practical.  

The practical parent will tell herself/himself, "No!  They don't need this shit.  Teach them to be resourceful and re-purpose the crap they already have," whenever "Spoil the kids rotten parent" wants to spontaneously drop another $20 on whatever toy or gadget or thing they think the kids will like.

Lately, these two parent parts have been warring inside me. Hard. 

Luckily, I think "Practical Dad" is going to win out.

Here's the situation:

Both boys love helping me out in the kitchen.  They help me do everything from baking to meat tenderizing, if I am not paying close enough attention.  

In fact, the only thing they don't help with is clean up.  

Big Surprise there right?

Anyway, their favorite kitchen activity is baking, so I thought I'd get some cute little baking tools for them.  You know, real utensils for little hands.  Something they could actually use.

So, the "Spoil your little shits Rotten Dad" part of me started searching on Amazon for kids kitchen tools and baking sets and what not, and, instantly I was going crazy picking out stuff to make up the perfect kitchen helpers set.

I found some really cute rolling pins by eco kids.  I thought, "For sure the boys would love these!  It even says they are perfect for little hands.  That is definitely going into the shopping cart.  I guess I'd better get two of them, huh? Ok.  Two it is!"


I was on a roll!  This was going to be great because now the boys could have there very own crap to help out when we make pies, cookies, bread, tortillas, pizza, or whatever.  

Super exciting right?!

Then, I wondered what else I could grab for them.

So, I continued on my search and found a totally awesome child's cooking set made by Curious Chef!
So super cool, right?!

Now, I am getting really excited! 

So, I looked up little aprons for kiddies and tiny, little oven mitts and cute, little baking sheets and on and on and on I went.

Before too long, I had $200 bucks of tiny tyke baking crap in my cart.  Here's the worst part...


"Seems about right." I said to myself. "Nothing's too good for my boys.  Besides, they'll use this stuff for years!"

Then, as I was pulling out the good ole' credit card, wise, no-fun, "Practical Dad" screamed at me.

"Oh Hell No!!!" he said. "You mean to tell me that you're going to buy those brats better crap than what you use to cook with?  I don't think so, asshat!  Look at that dowel rod thing they call a rolling pin!  You can go to the hardware store and get yourself a dowel rod, cut it to whichever length you want, sand it and oil it, and presto! Rolling pin for a dollar or less!  Or, better yet let them use what you use! And, no way in hell you're letting a child, not even four yet, handle anything that comes out of the oven!  Forget those oven mitts, idiot!"

So, after thoroughly scolding myself, the "Spoil Them Rotten Dad" part of me pouted and emptied the shopping cart.  "Practical Dad" was right.  The boys don't need all this fancy schmancy stuff.  

There is no reason they can't use what I use.  

After all, if it is good enough for me, then it is good enough for them right?

And, besides, sure it's great to have all the tools in the kitchen made for specific purposes, but, in the real world, that shiz is expensive, so you better learn to improvise!

They'll thank me in the long run...maybe.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Losing it One Snow Man and One RC at a Time

As some of you may know, I have been trying to lose weight.  I have to say it has been tough, but not that far.

I haven't been doing a lot of exercise. I've just stopped eating snacks, drinking soda, and over eating.

Seems kind of simple right?

A little too simple...

Well, that's because it is.  The philosophy of weight loss is extremely simple and we all know how to do it.  The problem is it sucks!

If you're like me you like to eat.  

I get bored...I eat.  

I see food...I eat it.

So, to keep losing weight, and, to continue to not constantly eat, I use a distraction technique to keep my mind off of it.

What do I use as a distraction?

My Brats!

What could possibly be more distracting than bratty kids all amped up for Christmas?  They constantly want to play and horse around, so I join them.  I have a great time,  they have a great time, and I am losing weight!  It's a win for everybody.  

But, this begs the question of what do we do?

Well, as all you with kiddos know, kids like to do crap that drives parents crazy, like tea parties and screaming and laughing just because and playing toss the toys about to make Daddy pick it up and all sort of other things of that annoying nature.  

Luckily, my boys and I have also found a metric crap ton of stuff that we like, equally, to do together.

Like, Snowmen!

We've built a number of snow men, and love it!

Granted, they are all uglier than sin, but that just gives our snow people character!

The ogre looking guy behind the Pizzmeister is one of our latest creations.  He's a hard working landscaper with two little ones, which you can't see, who are swinging on our swing set and sliding down our slide! 

You know, we're lucky to have that landscaping snowman around.  We make him pick up after us when we're done playing and making a mess.

**Silly grin**  

But, snowmen can only be built when there is snow.

What do we do when there is no snow?

As evidence of my weight loss, I'm wearing a shirt in this
photo that was too small for me to wear last winter!
Well, as the title to this post suggests, RC's are a large part of our diet regime too!  

Ever since the boys and I stumbled onto Djmedic's videos on Youtube, we've caught the "RC Bug,"  meaning we're obsessed!

The boys love their little rc's, and, truthfully, I do too!

We have a tremendous time driving them around, chasing them like maniacs, jumping them, getting them filthy, tinkering with them, and, above all, UPGRADING them!  

And, it's all thanks to this DjMedic guy, a complete stranger we've been cyber stalking on youtube, who makes videos that my brats thought were so cool we had to watch every single one at least thrice. 

Anyway, since the boys and I already have these cool toys we love, I thought I'd use them as a distraction from food, and as a means for a little exercise, as well.

So far, it seems to be working.  I've lost about 30 pounds in the last month, around 14 kg's for those of you who don't use pounds and what not, and I feel like I have a little more energy, or at the very least I feel less like a slug than a month or two ago.

A few of my readers asked how I'm doing it, and that's the answer. I'm learning to not eat all the time by focusing on snowmen and rc's.  

Here's to hopefully losing 30, and then some, more pounds!

P.s.  Here's a few more photos of the brats because I love showing them off. 

P.p.s.  Oh what the hell, I'll throw in some photos of our Rc's because I love showing them off too, even when I epic fail in modifying them.  

The Pizzmeister helped build and paint a trailer for his tiny truck to
haul an even tinier truck around in.

Tire Chains!  That Same DjMedic guy did a vid on making them.
The Pizzmeister watched it and begged to make them with me.
Of course, I was quite eager unwillingly obliged

Our first project truck we bought used off of e-bay!
It's almost complete.  We just need a new body...maybe

Yes, that is packing tape on the tires because it's great fun to make it slide all over the house.  The pizzmeister also painted it with finger paint, and, no, that isn't the original shell.
We thought it would be cool to toss that body on and paint it up.
We were right!  The Pizzmeister thinks this is the coolest car he has.

And, this is "rescue mountain" built as a crawling course for a tiny
matchbox sized rc, complete with a launch pad on top for
the rc helicopters, and a tunnel for the trains to go through.