Monday, August 19, 2013

Escaping Madness, Finding Madness

Man, I woke up this morning expecting a nice, laid back morning. The boys both looked tired, and I thought for sure they were both going to  pass out on the couch with the puppy, but that has yet to happen.

What I saw as tired, groggy little faces were actually faces of crazy people in disguise.

As soon as Mama Bear left for work they both started laughing at me maniacally, and I knew I was in for it.

Before too long they were both running around screaming and upending things and having a great time while the puppy and I watched groggily from the couch, thinking we were safe and out of the way for the moment.

Well, it's called a moment because it doesn't last long.  We must have looked too comfortable and not terrorized enough because we soon became the targets of mass shenanigans.

I had one boy crawling up on my back and sticking his grubby fingers in my eyes screaming, "OH NO!!  Finger Monsters!"  While the other boy attacked me from the side growling frantically at me while I tried to sip my coffee.

Before too long I had mardi gras beads draped around me, and the poor dog looked like she was going to explode, so I took her out, and naturally she escaped the moment I opened the door.  I guess she couldn't wait.  Either that or she didn't want to stick around the craziness any longer than necessary.

Can't blame her for that. 

Well, whatever the reason, I had to go and get her, so I went out barefoot, bleary eyed, Mardi Gras bead covered, and in my stained up shirt and shorts.  You know, the typical stay at home dad attire, but a bit more formal due to the beads.

Anyway, as I was following the puppy down the side walk calling to her, careful not to hurry because she would just run away, a group of college age brats in a nissan stopped and started yelling at me that they loved  hangovers, like I gave a crap that they got drunk last night.

I tried to half heartedly laugh and wave them off, but the little idiots wouldn't shut up about it.  

So, there I was holding  my puppy while these jerks were talking nonsense about all the hang overs they've had and how funny they were and all the while I was trying to figure out what the hell would be great about having a hangover.  

Then the poop nuggets asked me what I was doing next, and this really caught me off guard.  The only thing I could think to say was, "I'm going to take this dog inside now, and get away from you hooligans."

Apparently, that was hilarious.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Tired, Baby Who Strips, Puppy, and the Boy Who Pees

I can't help but remember how tired I wasn't before the boys arrived.  I could stay up all night then go to class or work in the morning with no problems.  That's not how it is now.

Now, if I am up still at 10 pm it's a "late" night, and I feel all giggly like I'm being naughty.

Unfortunately, the giddiness doesn't last long because, before too long, I'll remember that my harsh task masters get up early, and I'll be paying for my extra hour or two of fun in the morning while they are undoubtedly screaming, dancing, fighting, laughing, or what have you all while "Thomas" is blaring on the Television.  The addition of a puppy is making the mornings even more interesting.

Mornings now consist of keeping an eye out for puppy signals that she has to go out, which is no big deal, but the littlest boy, Two-zy, has learned to strip down, take off his diapers, and laugh his cute little buns off at me when I notice that he is all naked.  

The real problem with this behavior is that he is only a year old and can't quite make it to the potty yet.  He tries, but maybe has only truly made it in time once.  Usually, he ends up leaving puddles or piles of stink on the floor or couch or wherever he happens to be. Then, after he has done it he remembers to try to get to the potty, which is good.  The problem for the puppy is, sometimes she gets blamed for Two-zy's accidents.

Yeah, I know I am making it sound like my little runt is constantly naked and running around.  It sounds like that because it's true. I have given up trying to keep clothes on him.  He just takes them off the first chance he gets, and I don't have the heart to reprimand him because he gets this cute little triumphant look on his face when he strips himself.  How can you say no?

Oh, here is a bit of advice.  

Don't teach your brats that peeing outside can be done.  This past week the Pizzmeister has taken to asking to go outside to pee with the puppy because some bright light, me, taught him that he could pee outside when we were out playing in the woods.

What can I say?  It seemed like good idea at the time.

But, now, the boy will randomly push his trousers down to his ankles and start peeing whenever we are outside playing in the yard. The big problem there is that we live in the center of town or close to it.  We are quickly becoming known as the house with the peeing boy.  


At least he's not peeing on the floors.