Having Kids = Never Feeling Bad for Saying "No"

So, I have been replaying I a conversation in  my mind that I had a few weeks ago when one of my friends asked if there was anything I missed about the days before the brats.

Immediately, I said, "No, what would there be to miss?"

But, since I said that I have been thinking on it.  I wonder if I sounded a bit judgmental as if I were saying "childless people aren't really living." or if it sounded a bit whiny, like my life before the boys was terrible or something.

It wasn't was it? 

Of course not. That's absurd.  I was simply saying that my life before the bratty boys was good, and I thoroughly enjoyed it sick or not, but now it is PHENOMENAL despite being sicker than then!

I mean, I have two little wingmen accompanying me everywhere I go, and the Pizzmeister even told me, "I'm down to ride anywhere, Daddy."  So, you see?  He actually likes and wants to go places with me (for now).  You can't ask for more than that from anybody.  

How many people do you know that will happily strap in and go with you ANYWHERE?  It's a good feeling, knowing they're always there right?

Damn straight it feels good!

The other thing that a lot of childless people don't know is that kids are a ready made excuse to get you out of doing stuff you don't want to do, or going/staying places you don't want to be.  

All I have to do is show up, put my hand on one of their little foreheads, say "Oh man!  You're burning up!" and then just turn around and leave, or, better yet, not even show up at all. 

Since the boys were born I have a get out of jail free card.  It's like, Poof! Instantly, I went from being an asshole to a concerned dad. 

Awesome, right?

Yeah, I know.  It's awesome!  

And, I plan on using that trick or variations of it until the boys are in college.

Sure beats doing all the crap I used to have to do before they were born. And, when I think that I used to go to my wife's family reunions or drive an hour and a half one way because some jerk talked me into performing at a party or bar or whatever for less than gas money, I think to myself "Man!  You were such a sucker!" 

Not anymore though.  

Having kids means never having to feel bad for saying "No" again...until they are older I guess, but, hopefully, by then I'll have perfected my "I'm old and I don't give a shiz!"