Monday, September 16, 2013

Badass Battle Baby

Well, I was going to tell you all about how sick I am, but that's boring.  By this time we are all aware that I have a genetic disease. Who cares? Right?

What is much more interesting is that this morning there has been a very real power struggle within our little kingdom, which is not totally unsurprising.  In fact, I have been waiting for this as it has been quite awhile since the last war for power.

Naturally, I've been waiting for the two brats to unite and make a play for ultimate control of the kingdom, and I have been preparing for an attack for awhile now.  I've sent out scouts who have all returned saying that the air smelled of trouble and tension weeks ago, so I fortified the rampart surrounding the castle and placed extra watchmen in the towers on the look out for the inevitable attack.

So, we waited...and waited...and waited.

The attack never came!  What the hell?!

So, this morning I gathered my scouts and was about to send them out to see what was going on when I received word that a fierce battle commenced between the same two upstarts I feared were going to unite and come after me.

What happened?

Of course, they were fighting over property.  

It seems that Sir Pizzmeister had stolen a vital object (a crappy toy car) from Sir Two-zy, causing Two-zy to retaliate in kind.  

In short, a full scale war broke out.

From the onset it looked as if poor Two-zy had no chance of winning this war, but I underestimated him.  Turns out Two-zy is a formidable and clever opponent.

Instead of attacking the Pizzmeister in a full frontal assualt, Two-zy drove off the Pizzmeister's fiercest ally, Candice the war puppy. Then, once he was assured that the war puppy was out of the equation, Two-zy sighted in on the Pizzmeister.

Knowing that the Pizzmeister's army was quicker, stronger, and had a longer reach, Two-zy decided to attack the Pizzmeister while he was stuck in a corner where there was no chance for Sir Pizzmeister to escape and outflank him.

Now, it was down to a battle between two tiny sized combatants; one with strength on his side, and one with courage to the point of insanity. 

Insanity quickly got the upper hand, and before any serious damage could be done (within thirty seconds) I stepped in, attempting to bring peace to the land.  After all, my rule is more secure if these two are on equal grounds.

Anyway, after a brief discussion I managed to get both parties to meet in neutral territory to broker for peace.  

While we were all in deep discussion and finalizing the peace treaty I assessed the resulting damage, which there was little.  Two-zy came out of the battle unscathed but a little big for his britches, but the poor Pizzmeister needed medical attention for a swollen eye and bruised ego.

We patched the Pizzmeister up, and I took possession of the property that started this conflict and destroyed it, sending a message that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated.  I believe the message was received and understood as the two warlords are now playing quite nicely together and sharing equally among themselves.   

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