Thursday, September 4, 2014

When did my Baby Boy get so Damn BIG!!!

Well, a lot of new things have happened this past month, which has kept me quite busy.  

And, since my mind has been occupied all that time I have had no time to dwell on the fact that the Pizzmeister is a great big boy now and is starting Pre-Kindergarten.

I just put him on the bus...I'm hot mess!

And, when I say hot mess, I mean it.  I am straight up ugly crying, and every time Two-zy asks, "Where is brother?" I break out into a fresh set of the ugly sobs.

For any of you that know me, it is no surprise that I am taking this so hard and reacting this way.

It is no secret that I don't handle emotions well.  There is no middle ground and never was.  I am either non-feeling or feeling so much I can't handle it and end up curling up into a giant, quivering ball of salty, hot tears.

And nothing makes me have a serious case of the feels more than my boys.  I tell them often that I love them so much that occasionally it overflows and comes out in tears at times.

Then, the Pizzmeister usually tells me of all the times he's seen me cry, which is a lot, starting when Two-zy was born, then when the Pizzmeister was so sick with salmonella, and a time or two when I was watching home videos of them.   

Yes, I am shameful, and I know it, and I have been working on this for years because I want to be a kick ass dad and husband. 

Unfortunately, I have a lot of work to do still!

Luckily, I was able to keep it together just long enough today to see the boy onto the bus, and, maybe, the very nice bus driver didn't notice me having a mini panic attack as I watched her drive off with a huge piece of my heart in tow.  

Well, she probably did even if I was wearing dark sunglasses in a lame effort to hide my tears, but all that matters is that I didn't quell my big boy's enthusiasm with my fears and heart ache.  
He was as jubilant and excited as ever, and I couldn't be more proud of the little pizzer!  

Now, I just have to wait 4 and a half hours to see him get off the bus and into my arms.

I hope this gets easier...

Here are some photos of this morning as we waited for the bus to arrive. 

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