Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Chickens Suck!

Alright!  Things seem to be slowing down this time for real.  I swear I have started maybe 20 posts the last few weeks, but I have never actually gotten around to finishing them.

I know.  I am a slacker!

But, really, I have about a million projects going on around here from building a super secret x-mas rc for the Pizzmeister to getting everything together in preparation for winter, which is just around the corner.

Now, I also have a flock of chickens to tend to.

Let me tell you.  Despite what all the hipsters and yuppies claim, there is nothing even remotely romantic about owning a flock of chickens!  

The very idea that you go out every morning and everything is sunshine and roses and doesn't smell like a never before cleaned toilet is just unrealistic.  

Livestock takes a lot of work, and chickens are no exception.  

They are dirty, smelly animals that have virtually no interest in self-preservation, which means the majority of your day is spent making sure they don't kill themselves by being stupid.

Sure, they are nice to look at...maybe...and, you can go out and drop some serious cash on a cute little coop and run for them, but the moment you are the custodian for an actual live chicken the cuteness of the coop and the pleasant looks of the bird no longer matter because everything, including the bird is covered in chicken feces!  

Let me tell you, chicken crap is like tar when it comes to removal, meaning it is damn near impossible!

It doesn't matter how often you clean the coop.  The moment you turn around one of the bastards poops exactly where you just cleaned and is proudly standing in it like an idiot.  

So, instead of buying an ultra cute coop,  we opted to build a rickety outhouse since it was just going to be crapped in anyway.  And, since I am a softy and worried that they may get cold this fall and winter, I added a green house to make sure they were plenty warm.

Also to keep in mind, the idea that you don't crap where you eat apparently doesn't apply to chickens because they seem to really enjoy taking huge dumps in their feeder and water, and, of course, it is inhumane to make them eat their own poop, so the water and feed has to be changed often every day.

This task is especially gross, and to lessen some of the grossness I traded the traditional waterer to a plain jane 5 gallon bucket!  So, much easier to clean.  

Another problem with chicken ownership that many fail to take into consideration is what do you do when your hens are actually roosters?

Well, in a perfect world you have plenty of space for more roosters and your hens make up for the fact that you have too many roosters by laying more than an egg a day and the roosters never fight and never crow like morons all day everyday, but this is far from a perfect world.

You have to do something with them.  

Thus far, since I am not allowed to dispatch the bastards and have them for dinner, our plan is to off load a rooster or two at some point to some other sucker and replace them with hens, or, which is more likely, I will end up building a bigger coop and get more hens, hoping with more space and a bigger flock every body will play nicely.   

At least I get to eat the eggs!

Here are a few more photos for you to peruse.

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