Thursday, November 7, 2013

Reading Rainbow Ain't Got Shiz on Me!

Man, it's the morning again!

Image from

I'm sitting on the couch with my first cup of coffee, looking slovenly as usual, the brats are running around jumping and dancing and shrieking as usual, and old episodes of "Reading Rainbow" are playing on the tv in a vain attempt by me to get the brats to sit down and keep quiet for a moment or ten.  

Yes, ten would be perfect!

Yeah Right!

Never going to happen!

The best I could hope for is a passing glance as they ran by while the "Reading Rainbow" theme song plays.  

What's wrong with these brats?  Aren't they tired?  Don't they realize we're watching Reading Frieking Rainbow?!  It's the best kids show in the history of kids shows!

I loved it as a kid!  

I mean, who doesn't love being read to?  (Well, I don't particularly like it, but I'm not right in the brain box)

Anyway, as I sat drinking my coffee I watched it, remembering my childhood and shiz, and I also noticed something.  Well, truthfully I noticed somethings really.

First, I noticed that there was an unholy smell wafting from the baby, so I grabbed him up and started changing him.  Then, I noticed, while cleaning up the worst diaper ever, that the stories they choose for the show are kind of lame. It's no wonder that they don't hold my brats' attention for long, unless James Earl Jones is reading the story of course.

Other than that my boys are off running around and causing a ruckus, and the only thing I could come up with as to why this is happening is that my brats are spoiled! They're used to Mama Bear and I reading them cool books, like "Lord of the Rings" or "Harry Potter" or "The Chronicles of Narnia" or "Little House on the Prairie" or "Jame and the Giant Peach" or something.  

You know, books like that.  

Books that don't necessarily drive adults mad with boredom or frustration because they actually have a plot and story line.

Don't get me wrong.  The boys love kiddy stories too, but if they are going to sit still and listen for any amount of time it needs a little substance, or at the very least some wicked awesome illustrations or music has to be involved.

Yeah, music is a must. Music draws them like flies to poopy!

But, anyway, as I watched "Reading Rainbow" I sat and tried to figure out why my brats weren't infatuated with it like I was.

Eventually, I got sick of Levar Burton and flipped it off, and immediately the Pizzmeister ran up to me carrying 5 or 6 books, begging for me to read them to him.  

"Of course," I said to him, "but we were just watching stories on the tv.  Why didn't you want to listen to those stories?"

"I didn't watch for why, Daddy, because those stories are no good!" He replied.

"But, buddy, this is the same story as the one that was just on Reading Rainbow." I pointed out, which garnered me a prompt "Just READ, DADDY!" from the Pizzmeister.

So, I read the books, and both munchkins sat still and listened as I read book after book.

I guess it wasn't the content or the story line that made the difference to them.  

It was me.

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