Oh man! I am so old!
|Is this how the mirror sees me?|
This morning while the boys and I were brushing our teeth and stuff I looked in the mirror and was startled by the good looking stranger I saw staring back at me like a creeper with his glasses pushed up on the top of his head not because it looks cool, but because if he brushes his teeth with them on the right way his 11 month old brat snatches them and tries to throw them in anything containing water.
Usually, that means the monster either heads straight for the dog water or the toilet with them.
It's just better to push them up.
|Yep, that's probably what the mirror sees every morning|
Then, sure enough, another rugrat pops up out of no where and wants me to brush my teeth while holding him and his brother.
Needless to say, our morning tooth brushing regime probably takes longer than it could, but it usually gets done...kind of.
Anyway, as I brushed my teeth with the brats clinging to me like marmosets I remembered my morning ritual I had when I still lived with my mammy and pappy, and I was still just a dumb, asshat kid, thinking the world was somehow mine for the taking.
Yep. I had all these grandiose plans, and I envisioned myself being all these different people doing all sorts of important things. Realistically though, when it comes down to it, I just wanted to matter; to be important.
Anyway, of course not a single of the visions of my future came true, and how I turned out, thus far, wasn't even on my radar then.
In fact, if you would have had a crystal ball and told my 17 year old self my future he would have laughed at you and said, "No way man! I'm going to be important!"
Looking back, I'd grab that little punk ass and shake him, saying all the while, "Get your head out of your ass!"
I'd have more to say to my 17 year old self too, like, "Knock off the tough guy act! You look stupid, and you're not impressing anybody!" and "If you really want to matter you have to stop thinking only about yourself! You'll never matter to anyone unless they matter to you!" and a few other useful tid bits of advice that I am sure the 17 year old me would just ignore because, like I said, I was an asshat. (Still am)
Anyway, today as I brush my teeth, or try to, while holding my shenanigan filled brats and thinking of the 17 year old version of me, I am torn between laughing and hanging my head with shame.
No. I am not ashamed of who I am or that none of my plans for the future panned out. I am ashamed of who I was and who I wanted to become. I am ashamed that I was so stupid and delusional and that it took a swift kick in the ass by life to straighten me up.
I may not have a lot of money, but I have never felt more important in my life, and I have never been happier. I'm a daddy. I have two awesome rugrats that adore me almost as much as I adore them. I have a wonderful wife that I love tremendously even though she's a huge pain in the ass, and I don't want anything else.
My 17 year old self with all his ambitions and ideas of what is important can suck it.
I just want my family. That's what's important That's what matters to me. Everything else is just a side dish. These people I surround myself with and matter so much to me, and who I matter to, are the main course.
It couldn't get better than this. I'm a family man!
Happy belated Father's Day!