You know, I like to pretend that most of my parenting moments sort of resemble this picture.
Look at us. We're all smiley and happy and shiz; a regular, happy-go-lucky bunch we are.
Well, don't let appearances and my astounding optimism fool you.
This ain't Leave it to Beaver, and we aren't the Cleavers over here!
There are plenty of moments that look like this; two crazy wide awake kids and me missing my big john filled with coffee.
Sure, everybody tells you that kids wear you out, but nobody bothers to tell you that the little brats do it on purpose so you'll make bad decisions.
"Like what?" you ask.
How about like letting them eat Ginger bread houses for breakfast just to quieten them down for a few precious moments?
At the time, this seemed like a brilliant idea. He ate a crap load and started getting sleepy, and I thought that he was going to fall asleep for sure.
Wrong!
He got goofy instead and ended up running around the house giggling and screaming, which, of course, got Two-zy screaming and giggling because, apparently, Pizzly was hilarious to everyone but me, who only wanted a little quiet time.
Then I got a brilliant idea!
"I know just what I'll do!" I thought. "I'll show the Pizzmeister how to use the laptop to watch his favorite youtube videos."
Yeah, nothing could possibly go wrong there. It's a positively great idea to show a not quite 3 year old how to access the internet and get on youtube.
Imagine my chagrin when while in the kitchen preparing a bottle for Two-zy, I hear, to my amazement, screaming and cussing that wasn't coming from my kids.
Not that they know how to swear per se, but they might have picked a few words up here and there.
Anyway, the boy somehow managed to get onto some stupid, teeny boppers fighting video. Not cool!
"How did you manage to get here?" I asked him. "You were on the RC Adventures channel!"
His reply was classic.
"Shush Daddy! I'm watching mine stories!"
And, of course, Two-zy thought this all was just the greatest!
So, the lesson here is beware of your kids. They'll turn whatever you do for them, teach them, or allow them to do against you. It's just a matter of time, so keep vigilant, and don't let your tiredness or desire for a little peace and quiet throw your parenting game.
Don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying that parenting is a constant battle with your kids. It's more like a non-stop fight for your sanity while desperately trying not to be selfish about it.
Sure, everybody tells you that kids wear you out, but nobody bothers to tell you that the little brats do it on purpose so you'll make bad decisions.
"Like what?" you ask.
At the time, this seemed like a brilliant idea. He ate a crap load and started getting sleepy, and I thought that he was going to fall asleep for sure.
Wrong!
Then I got a brilliant idea!
"I know just what I'll do!" I thought. "I'll show the Pizzmeister how to use the laptop to watch his favorite youtube videos."
Imagine my chagrin when while in the kitchen preparing a bottle for Two-zy, I hear, to my amazement, screaming and cussing that wasn't coming from my kids.
Not that they know how to swear per se, but they might have picked a few words up here and there.
Anyway, the boy somehow managed to get onto some stupid, teeny boppers fighting video. Not cool!
"How did you manage to get here?" I asked him. "You were on the RC Adventures channel!"
His reply was classic.
"Shush Daddy! I'm watching mine stories!"
So, the lesson here is beware of your kids. They'll turn whatever you do for them, teach them, or allow them to do against you. It's just a matter of time, so keep vigilant, and don't let your tiredness or desire for a little peace and quiet throw your parenting game.
Don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying that parenting is a constant battle with your kids. It's more like a non-stop fight for your sanity while desperately trying not to be selfish about it.
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