Friday, September 30, 2011

Uh....What Now?

I have heard plenty of strange things in my life, and I people have asked me some pretty weird questions, but one odd question above all is popping up more and more frequently.

And, that question is...

"Can I touch it?"

It's not as bad as it sounds.  It is in reference to my beard, but even so it is a weird request.

The last time I heard this was at a hardware store while I was shopping for supplies.  I was looking through the nails and what not when a youngish woman came up to me.  She was one of the dreaded "Desperate Housewife" moms at the park.  You know.  The moms who bring their own chairs to the park and boxed wine.  

Anyway, she and her daughter just kind of stared at me for a moment, which I thought was odd, but oh well.  I continued searching 2" 8d nails when I heard a strange request.

DH Mom:  Can I touch it?

Me: ....Uh...What now?

DH Mom:  Can I touch it?

(apparently I was supposed to be able to tell what she wanted to touch because I am a freakin' mind reader!)

Me:  (an annoyed) What?  Touch what?

DH Mom:  Your beard.  Can I touch it?

Me:  Why?  That's kind of creepy, but I guess you can.

DH Mom:  Cool!

Then she proceeded to fondle my face and tell me that she used to watch me with my son at the park, and she wanted to know why I hadn't been there in awhile.  I told her we were doing a home improvement project that is taking up a bit of our time, so I don't get a chance to go to the park very often.  

Then she said, "Your beard is coarse but soft."

"Um..Thanks I guess.  Can I have it back now?" I said.

She stopped touching my beard and said that I should go back to the park because she and her friends need someone to talk about while they are there.  Apparently, it is fun for them to giggle at me while I am running around with Pizzly.  I said that we might be able to head out there in a week or two and said farewell.  

I am not sure if I am ever really going to go back there because, now, I am a little creeped out!  Then again I am sure I will go back with the boy because he needs to play with other kids now and then.  Besides, it's not like that DH Mom was the first person to want to touch my beard.  It just never gets less weird when someone asks me "Can I touch it?" no matter how often it happens.  

Well, at least she didn't smell it and declare that it smelled like a leprechaun like one couple did at the grocery store did once.

Anyway, whenever anyone asks about my face fur it is weird, but I think it makes it even weirder when someone roughly my age asks to touch it. Usually it is only the elderly and youngsters and some precocious teens that want to do that.  Maybe I ought to trim it before December 25th...Nah, it goes too well with the season to do that now.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Trying to Bathe With a Tiny Stalker Hangin' Around

Crazy, Little Stalker Dude!
Since Pizzly was born basic hygiene has become trickier and trickier for me.  

Well, actually, it was tricky, then it was fairly simple, and now it is trickier than ever!

No, it's not that I have forgotten how to bathe or anything, even though it does look like that is the case.  The problem is finding the time to do it up right.  And, by do it up right I mean actually using soap to bathe with and a razor to shave with, not just hair clippers because it is quicker!

You know, when the boy still had that new person smell on him I had a hard time getting myself cleaned up because I was terrified of leaving him alone for five or ten minutes.  Well, I got over that after a few months, and I found that I could take a little time to actually take a shower and maybe even shave during his nap time if he was sleepy enough.  

But, now, is a different story all together.  

Now, Pizzly won't let me out of his sight...ever!  

Whatever it is that I want to do Pizzly has to make sure he is right on top of me while I am doing it.  It doesn't matter if I'm peeing, doing the dishes, vacuuming, getting lunch ready, or whatever else.  The boy is always right on my heels, demanding all of my attention like the tiny stalker he is.  99% of the time I thoroughly enjoy having him shadow me all day, but there comes a point when my greasy hair needs to be dealt with and my scrubby face would like to be less so.

Sure, I could wait until he falls asleep and then hit the shower like a freight train, but for the last week or so he insists on napping directly on top of me.  The moment I get out from under his little comatose body he immediately wakes up and screams.  In fact, as I am writing this Pizzly is draped over my lap and snoring...loudly!  I am sure that if I try to get up, he will start this dreadful, high pitched squeal/scream that he does when he is supremely unhappy, and I swear it makes ears bleed whether or not you can actually see the blood coming out of them.

OK, that's out of the question.  So, my second option is to wait for Mama Bear to come home from work and then get in the shower and trim up my crazy face hair.  Well...that isn't likely to happen either because by then I am probably going to be too tired to worry about my greasiness and stinkyness let alone my crazy face fur.  Once 6 o'clock rolls around I'm pretty much done for because I am wimpy and a lazy bugger!

I guess that leaves me with what I've been doing; bucket/sink bathing and using the hair clippers to trim the fur around my neck until the glorious weekend when I can do it up right!

If you don't know what bucket bathing or sink bathing is, then I curse you for living a pampered, luxurious life! 

...But, I'll tell you what I am talking about anyway.

Bucket and sink bathing is pretty much exactly how it sounds. You either fill a sink or a bucket with water and clean up as best you can with it.  It's quick and easy...kind of.  

Most of the time I use a bucket in the bath tub while the little man is splashing around.  It does the job, but for some reason my hair always feel yucky afterwards, so occasionally I wash my hair the sink, which seems to do a better job than the bucket.  I don't know why.

I have become quite skilled at bucket/sink bathing, but it still is no substitute for the real thing, a nice cool shower.  Yes, that's right!  A cool shower!  I am not a fan of hot showers, and I definitely don't like hot baths, but, unfortunately, that matters little to the boy who insists on doing everything with me.  He likes  baths only and they have to be piping hot.  So, if I am to bathe at all during the week it is going to be in a tub of hot water with a squirming little boy who is probably peeing in it. 

Wow!  Lucky me!


Monday, September 26, 2011

Mucking It Up Like Always

Have you ever noticed that no matter how hard you try to plan everything out meticulously everything always ends up all FUBAR anyway.  

...Maybe it's just me.

As you may well know, we are doing a little remodeling 'round here, and for the first time ever I am even trying to plan everything out.  I spent hours and hours calculating exactly everything we would need, and roughly how much everything will cost.  

Weee!  I'm an Airplane!

I know, if you know me this is totally out of character for me as I am the sort of guy who likes to "fly by the seat of his pants."

Anyway, my calculator must be broken because despite all of the effort I put into calculating square footage and how many board feet we will need I still ended up with either too little of what I needed or way too much.  Oh, and I totally forgot that I would need hardware, like nails, in order to complete this project, so I have probably made a dozen trips to the hardware store for nails and caulk alone in the past week.  It is getting to the point where they know my name now!

Not cool!

Well, it is kind of cool that they know my name, but it isn't cool that I am wasting all this time going from place to place when I should be hammering things and making noise with my cool electrical saws.  

I won't lie.  One of the main reasons that I am so excited about this project is the fact that I get to use all these cool tools.  Maybe it's a guy thing...maybe it's a me thing...I don't know.  Sometimes, I'll screw something up just so I will have to re-cut something.  Pathetic isn't it?

Another reason that I am loving the building part of this project is because Pizzly is so infatuated with it.  The boy will just sit for hours with Grammy watching what Grampy and Da are doing.  If he was just a tad older it would be wicked cool having him out there with us building.  Mama could show him how to do the plumbing, and Da could teach him how to make noise with the saws, and then Mama could show him how to fix Da's mistakes.  It would be great!

Unfortunately, we are going to have to wait a few years for him to be old enough for any of that.  By then this project will be completed...hopefully.  

I guess we'll have to take up building bird houses or something.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

End of Day 1 of our renovation

The first day of our home remodeling went fairly well, and even Pizzly chipped in and helped, which was awesome.
 Luckily, he turned out to be an expert painter and soon we had the floor decking treated and ready for the rain that was coming.  What a good little helper  man!

This is what it looks like now after the completion of day 1.

Hopefully soon it will be all finished, and until then I am not sure if I will be doing a lot of blogging, but who knows.

I'll try and keep you updated as best I can.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Renovation Part 1

Well, I am super stoked today!  I just got a truck load of material so we can move on with our remodeling project!

Exciting stuff!  In the end we will finally have our very own laundry room, so no more laundry mats and no more going to the inlaws to wash our clothes!  It's going to be amazing.

I can't wait for it to be done, and this having to wait in order to work on it is killing me! 

How old do you think a kid has to be before you can put them to work? 

I would think that at 19 months Pizzly is old enough to swing a hammer right?

...I'm kidding by the by...

I wouldn't make him hammer anything.  I don't have a hammer light enough for him to put in a good days work.  Pizzly will be cutting insulation to size and stapling it into place.  That would be a perfect job for him!

He's got to earn his keep somehow!  (Kidding again)

Anyway, I think that it is time to start organizing the materials and planning the build.

This is going to be so much fun!  I'll make sure to take pictures of our progress and keep you updated on how it's all going.  So far, we have the floor grid complete and I will be doing the insulation and plywood decking once it dries up a bit and a babysitter arrives.

I am so excited that we are going to have our own washer and dryer for once!

It's like Christmas time!

P.s.  Having to wait sucks! 

P.P.s.  It's really hard to build anything with a rugrat running around even if Grammy is watching him!  Apparently, he want's to be with Daddy and part of the action too, and I can't blame him.  I'm awesome! :)

P.P.P.s. It makes me feel so good that he wants to be with me!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Horror of Waking the Boy vs The Horror of Bob the Builder!

Well, hello there!

It's back to just me, A Dizzy Dad, today.  Sorry, I know you're all disappointed, but that's just how it goes.  We can't always have a rad guest poster, like Mama Bear, stop by.

Anyway, Pizzly seems to be especially needy today. He is refusing to nap unless he can be right on top of me, which makes it kind of hard to type because my other arm is pinned beneath a little boy bum. 

I am terrified to even try to wriggle out from under him at this point.  If he wakes up again I'm done for!

Don't get me wrong here.

I love snuggling the boy on the  couch, but the remote for the DVD player is on the otherside of the room.  So, until Pizzles wakes up I am stuck watching the same "Bob the Builder" episode over and over again because it is one of those dreadful kids DVD's that automatically repeats itself until the end of time unless you shut it off.

Image from
It's like the "Song that Never Ends!"

Do you remember Lamb Chops?

I used to have nightmares involving that stupid puppet, and I just got over my fear of her a few years ago!

I'm not kidding you when I tell  you that I used to wake up in cold sweats with the stupid "Song that never ends" song stuck in my head, thinking that there was a furry puppet attacking me.

Now, I  am worried that Bob the Builder is going to haunt my dreams with his equally annoying theme song running through my mind while he has Dizzy or whichever of his evil minions destroy me.

My blood pressure is elevating already, and I am starting to stink of fear sweat!

Should I chance waking Pizzly up to shut off this horror, or do I sit here and take it like the quivering "Jesse" that we all know I am?


To be honest, I am not sure which scares me more, the thought of having to sit through another hour of Bob the Builder and his cronies screetching their theme song out at me, or the possibility of waking the boy up, which might mean certain death. 

I'm gonna go for it...having the little man eat me alive for waking him up has to be better than being stuck here on the couch, being forced to watch the same loop of Bob the Builder for hours on end.

Wish me luck!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Guest Post By MAMA BEAR!

I am super excited!
Mama Bear and Pizzly

I have my first guest poster today!

After days and days of asking her to, mama bear, my wife, has finally decided to guest post for me.

She's an awesome ninja-like mother of our crazy toddler man, and she is an amazing wife, despite the fact that she is a MacGyver hater.

Here's what she has to tell us today!


All right so you are all accustomed to reading Papa Bear’s take on being a parent, so here is a little window into the world of Mama.

Pizzly and Papa Bear are sleeping late this morning.

Mama having expertly and silently extracted herself from the clinging sleepy forms of both family members, has been enjoying my equivalent of what other parents refer to as “me time.”

I hate that term with a passion! But, I digress.

Satiated Dogs and Toys neat and orderly.  Let's See
Papa Bear pull that off first thing in the morning!

In the past hour, I have picked up all the pizzly’s toys including rescuing books, trains, balls, movies, cheerios and various dust bunnies from under the sofa. I managed to vacuum, after digging crushed fishy crackers and what I assume was the ground in remains of maple sugar candy (Grandpa and Grandma having recently returned from a trip to the Adirondacks), and I swept the house, and did the dishes.

Then, with the pets fed and floor swept, I decided to tackle another chronic problem: the retrieval of Pizzly’s magnetic toys from under the fridge. To say this is a thankless and herculean task, is well an understatement albeit a dramatic one.

Not only does the little cub simply delight in tossing the toys under the fridge, but the pieces themselves seem to make a concerted effort to become lost and lodged in every impossible place in the house, much like our beloved and deeply mourned TV remote which recently resurfaced after a 6 month journey to the land of Under -Couch.

Thirty minutes later as I lay prone amid probably 5-7 year old dust bunnies, moldy cat toys and other things that I would rather not positively identify, I realized two things: 1) that despite my efforts with the vaccum cleaner, various canes, broom, and the flexible thingy we clean the stove pipe for the pellet stove with, the purple cow’s butt was in fact forever lost to us, or at least for the remainder of the yucky fridge's life and 2) that the real change in my life since becoming a mom is that these stolen moments of furious cleaning have become, for me anyway, that elusive thing called by some “me time.”  And the thing of it is it felt absolutely decadent.

I managed to save most of Pizzly’s toys, bake a fresh batch of sugar cookies and not the tube kind mind you (well okay they were the kind out of the bucket, but I did add decoration and did not eat all of the batter on a spoon like I wanted to), and best of all I was able to drink an entire cup of coffee before it was completely cold!

And, I did this all before Pizzly and Papa Bear were out of bed!

This is what my mornings usually look like.
Saturday Morning in an already too short weekend, you are a harsh mistress, most often just showcasing in the harsh light of day how much housework I have been neglecting, but today I say Saturday Morning bring it on! And now off to sort laundry and I might even take a shower with body-wash AND shampoo.

Oh wait I hear the cub a stirring! Now where is my cape?

Friday, September 16, 2011

Toddler Bringin' the Drama!

For the last two weeks I have been making an effort to get healthier, and it seems to be working.  According to the doctor I have lost ten pounds and my blood pressure has lowered a bit, so I went out and celebrated my achievement with candy bars and pizza.  I'm just kidding!  Just with pizza, but it was homemade pizza at least.

Anyway, since I started this venture, I developed a routine where we would wake up, see momma off to work, check my blood pressure, and then exercise.  

Hey dad!  I got a new weight loss program for you.  I call it
"Move Your Ass and Stop Eating so Damn Much!"
Well, I wasn't feeling it this morning, and that was unacceptable to Pizzly apparently.  He's such a harsh task master.

I tried to tell him that I didn't want to do our regular routine, but he wasn't having it.  He was pulling on me and pushing on me to get me up and moving around, and I couldn't really say no to him because he was so insistent.

You see what you are doing to me Da?!  You're killing me here!
When I did say no, he brought out the drama.

He pulled out the blood pressure cuff as if to tell me that I am not as healthy as I could be yet, and then to make sure I got the point he threw himself to the floor and played dead for a few minutes!  

What a nut!

He's always been like this.  I remember first noticing it when he was a nutty 5 month old bouncing around in his baby swing.

He was wickedly self-reliant and strong willed.

So, I kind of figured that my wife and I were in for some crazy antics and trouble from him later on.

Well, since I knew he wasn't going to relax on the whole, "Da you need to exercise right now!" thing I decided that he was probably right.  

So, I exercised.  You win this time little man, but don't get used to it.  When you stop being so durned cute it will be much easier to resist your demands.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

My Very own Mini MacGyver

Photo from
Lately, I have been watching old episodes of my favorite television show ever "MacGyver."  What's funny about MacGyver isn't the fact that he is a player or the fact that he is a genius.  What amuses me about MacGyver is that I am living with a miniature, toddler version of him.

The similarities between Pizzly and MacGyver are astonishing.

Macgyver is a player.  Pizzly is the toddler version of a player.  Every time we go out any place womenfolk seem to flock to him.  I don't get it

MacGyver has very distinct hair.  Pizzly has very distinct hair.  However, his hair isn't mullety.  Pizzly's locks are curly and don't at all remind you of a skunk when you look at him.

To you this may look like the contents of my recycling
bin, but to Pizzly the plastic containers are skates and
the paper is...well paper.
Mac finds uses for ordinary, ever day trash.  Pizzly likes playing with trash too.  Sure, he doesn't use it to do complicated things like Mac, but he is only 19 months old.  The fact that he uses trash to do anything at all is pretty cool!

I guess there the similarities end, but there are still enough of them to make me think that Pizzly really is the real mini Macgyver even if he isn't using his mad skills to save the world or anything...yet, but, let's be honest, Macgyver wasn't really saving the world either.  Mac was just a character brought to life by Richard Dean Anderson in a television show.

Yeah it was fun to watch, but not as fun as watching the real, mini Macgyver doing his thing.  

Right now he is using the take out containers to make some sort of catapult contraption for his trains.  It looks like things could get hairy here in a moment.  I better go and put a stop to this. 

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Goin' Places with a Toddler...

As you probably already know from yesterday's post, my wife and I went out to Rochester, NY for the weekend.  But, what I neglected to tell you yesterday was how much fun it was to start off on our trip.

If you have kids you know exactly what I am talking about...

Once kids are involved it is freakin' hard to get going anywhere!

First of all, if you haven't packed when they are asleep it just isn't going to get done in a timely fashion, so you might as well face it.  You are not going to leave when you wanted to originally.  Sorry.  I know it sucks, but that's just how it is.

The other problem we had was chasin' down the little tyke and trying to get him dressed.  Every time we captured his little buns and dressed him he'd run off and strip down again.  

It was like some sort of terrible game he'd invented just for us!

The dressing of the dreaded Pizzly was only the beginning of our problems, however, because we hadn't finished packing yet.

Like I said earlier, if you haven't finished packing when the little ones are sleeping, you've missed a precious precious window of opportunity.  I learned this the hard way because now we had a little helper packing with us.

He wanted to double check everything that we put into the suitcase, which meant that everything had to come out once we put it in at least a dozen times!

To be honest, I don't really know how we managed to finish the job.  He must have gotten distracted by something.

Once we finished packing and dressing Pizzly all we had left was to get everything in the truckster and set off. That was relatively easy and uneventful.  The drive there even went smoothly.

The truckload of food Grammy thought we needed for a 2 day stay!
Unfortunately, it wasn't as smooth once we arrived at the hotel because then we had to deal with Grammy.

She apparently worried that we wouldn't have enough food for our 2 day stay at the hotel and packed an additional truck load of junk food for us, which was kind of her but way over kill!

She and Grampy also brought some large and obnoxious toys for Pizzly to play with, which meant that our adequately sized room quickly became stuffed with food and toys making it more of an obstacle course with a bed than a hotel room.

I think we spent more time unpacking than we actually did in the room.  I swear that when we finally got all unpacked it was time to pack up again and leave!

Oh well...I guess that is just how it goes when you go places with a toddler...and Grammy and Grampy.

I'll know better next time.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Why won't People Listen? HE is a Boy!

This past weekend I have learned something about myself.  I am not really all that easy going all the time, and there are some things that just bug the cookies right out of me.

For example, it's a major source of irritation when a stranger comes up to my son and insists that he is a she no matter what I have to say about it.  I mean come on!  You are going to give the boy a complex or something.  How would you like it if I continually called you a boy because you are an uggo like me?

I guess maybe a little back story is in hand...

This past weekend Pizzly, my wife, and I went to Rochester, NY to help my mother in law and my brother in law out at the Clothesline art show.

In general I really enjoy helping my mother in law and my brother in law out when I can, but this past weekend was the pits.

Not because I was bored or anything.  Truthfully, the show was a pretty good time.  There were a lot of "interesting" people, some really nice artwork and woodwork for sale, and there was even live music all day that we got to listen to whether we wanted to or not.  

So, it was pretty cool.  We even bought Pizzly a neat little wooden tractor that he really likes, and we had a chance to take him into the art museum, which was the bomb apparently.

Pizzly at the Clothesline festival looking all "girly" apparently!
So, no, what ruined the experience for me wasn't being stuck at an art show all weekend.  That I liked.  It was the fact that there were so many people at the show that wouldn't accept the fact that Pizzly is in fact a male that ruined my time.  

I cannot tell you how many times some woman would come up to me and tell me how beautiful my daughter was and then keep referring to poor Pizzly as a little girl even after I said "He's a boy." or "Actually, he is my SON."

Nope.  Nothing I said registered because it didn't matter what I had to say about it.  They weren't about to listen to me  no matter what I said until I played the "call your baby the wrong gender and continue to do it" game on someone else.  But, then all they did was walk away in a huff.  It didn't stop the other stupids from continuing the whole "what a darling little girl" thing the whole weekend.

Let me tell you, that gets tiresome after a while.  It's even more frustrating and annoying than the people that tell me he is too pretty to be a boy.  Who says a thing like that?!

I really don't think I am being to uptight here because I am perfectly alright with people not knowing whether or not my son is a boy.  It only bothers me when people refuse to listen to me and continue to call him a girl after I practically beg them to stop.
Why don't people listen to each other?  It seems like so many petty little squabbles would be avoided if we all just took the time to listen.  

Friday, September 9, 2011

Zombie Attack or Sleep Walking?

I just witnessed something totally incredible!

I was busy being a house slave, cleaning before we took off for the weekend when I noticed that my son was just standing there...being quiet.  

At first, I thought he was probably relieving himself on the floor yet again because that is the thing to do while da is cleaning, but no he wasn't.

He was sleeping while watching a movie while standing up!

How does that happen?

I have nodded off while I was sitting, but never as I was standing.  It was incredible!  If I had been thinking clearly I would have taken a photo, but I didn't and I wasn't.  I was to preoccupied in getting a diaper on him and laying down before he fell and woke himself, which I am pretty sure would start the apocalypse. 

As it is, just putting a diaper on him turned into some sort  of  Zombie uprising if only in my household!

He got up from where I laid him down and started walking around with his head tilted to the side.  He only had one eye partly open and was drooling like fiend.  It was pretty cute in a disturbing kind of way.  

When he started following me it stopped being cute because I thought that I was going to get bitten for sure.

So, I did what any of you would do.  I pushed him and he fell over lifelessly.  I had to.  Otherwise I would have been bitten and become a zombie too and then who would make lunch?

Anyway, toppling him did the trick.  It snapped him out of his zombie like state, but, for some reason, it made him really angry, and I still got bitten!  

Now, I am worried about baby rabies!

P.s.  For those of you who take things too literally, I didn't really push my child over, I set him down on the couch, which woke him up and made him cranky.  

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Time to Get Your Game On!

Well, I feel a little like a hypocrite lately.  

Despite, what I wrote the other day about being happy with who you are, I started exercising...Kind of.   But not for appearance reasons.  I just want to be a little healthier and mobile, so I can keep up with Pizzly as he gets older.  

With that said, I am attempting to shed some of my whale blubber I've accumulated over the years.


Pizzly likes to "Work Out" on Wii Fit, so I pretty much
have to too!
Well, I refuse to work out at a gym because that isn't really all that fun, and it is expensive!

I am going to go the video game route.  

Using none other than the Wii Fit Plus, which is pretty wicked for a number of reasons!

Firstly, I am not embarrassed to look like a fool while exercising if no one is around to see me, unlike at a gym, and secondly, it is fun as hell!

Oh, and my work out partner/playmate makes it even more fun because he is so darned cute!  Maybe I will actually keep it up because for the last few days we've been having a blast!

I mean really, who doesn't like playing games with their kids? 

Photo from Curvy Magazine
The other HUGE motivator for me to try and stay active and lose a few pounds is this stupid TV show I found on Netflix called "Heavy."

Oh my god does this show horrify me!

It works on the same level that watching Hoarders works except there is no Matt Paxton, who I have a huge man crush on, and instead of making me want to throw everything I own away, "Heavy" just makes me paranoid I am going to end up in a life or death battle with fat, so I want to hit a tread mill until I pass out.

Plus, watching other people lose weight is a motivator because if they can do it I can too even if I do walk with a cane.  

P.s.  So far this week I've lost seven pounds!

P.P.s I kind of wish I could go to the resort they use on "Heavy" because it looks heavenly!  They even have an indoor pool.  If I ever went their you'd never get me out of that blank!

It's just too bad that they won't allow your family to come with you.

P.P.P.s.  Isn't kind of scary that Pizzly is so pale that he almost glows in the dark?  Seriously, the kid is ghost white!