Thursday, June 30, 2011

Packing For a Vacation

Well, t’is the awesomest season of all! 

It’s vacation season.

This year we are going to Gettysburg PA.  It should be a great time, but while we are planning and packing our voyage I have to contemplate on how complicated vacations are now that we have a little one to consider.

You know, I thought the same thing once I moved in with my wife before we got married.  I was the type of guy that could throw a few clothes in a bag and just take off.  I needed no plan or destination.  A few times I ended up in Virginia Beach or maybe the Adirondack mountains.  It suited me just fine.  Nobody knew where I was or how to get a hold me because I didn’t know for sure where I was going myself.  I always thought those were the best sort of vacations.

Then, once I started living with my wife, I couldn’t do that anymore.  Apparently, her idea of a good time isn’t driving for hours on end and then either sleeping outside or in a skeevy hotel.  She also wasn’t prepared to wash her clothes in a rest stop sink and hang them on the antenna of a car to dry as we headed out down the road. 

That's when I realized that everything always gets trickier when there are more people than yourself to take into consideration. 

Now, it is getting even trickier.  There are the three of us now.  It seems like it shouldn't be all that bad to pack for only three people, but for some reason we need to pack as if we are getting prepared for the apocalypse.  Let’s see.  We have an extra-large suit case full of clothing.  We also need to pack plenty of snacks, toys for the little one, a complete back pack full of hygienic supplies, all my medicines, a huge stroller, cleaning wipes, and all sorts of other little things that we are probably never going to need.  What would we have done without the minivan I bought last fall?

I guess we wouldn’t be able to go on vacation because we wouldn’t be able to put all our crap in anything else except for maybe an SUV, which is really nothing but a minivan anyway.   

Don’t get me wrong here.  It isn’t like I am annoyed at all this over packing we do.  I think it is as necessary as my wife does.  Well, maybe not quite as necessary.  I’d be ok with only having one outfit packed per person for each day instead of having at least three packed for every day we are going to be away.  Other than that, we do need all this other stuff.  

It is amazing how much stuff toddlers require.  We almost went as far as to purchase a portable dvd player so the little man would be entertained on the ride down.  Then we thought better of it.  After all, we survived without being entertained by movies constantly when we were kids.   I think he can take it too.   

Yeah...I’d like to blame everything we end up packing for our trip on my kid much like I blame my flatulence on my dogs, but I can’t really.  A lot of the crap we have to bring along with us is because I’m old.  I’m 30 now!  I can’t afford to be as carefree as I once was.  I have to bring three or four canes with me so I can be prepared for almost any walking surface.  I have one for all terrain hiking, one for stores, one for walking on pavement, and one as an extra in case I feel like walking on really rocky surfaces or if I happen to break one of the others.  I, of course, also need to bring all my meds, and I seem to mind wearing stinky clothes more than I did when I was 18 or 19.  I also don’t expect that I would enjoy sleeping in my van as much as I enjoyed sleeping in the bed of my truck back then either, so planning is almost a necessity now.  Gone are my carefree days of picking up and going, and to that I say good riddance.

Call me crazy, but there just might be something to all this planning and packing that my wife seems to enjoy so much.  Sure, it isn’t as exciting or as spontaneous as trips were when I was by myself and just went on a whim, but they are a lot more fun now that I have people to experience them with.         

So yeah, things are more complicated when more than one person is involved, but it is also true that going on a trip is complicated by age as well.  For some reason, my priorities have changed.  I care more about being comfortable and clean.  

Monday, June 27, 2011

What the Hell...

Well, I’m wickedly annoyed!  Downright pissed actually.

In fact, I am so irritated I even threatened to leave my wife this morning.

What you may be asking could be the cause of this profound irritation.  Well, nothing less than the show my wife forced me to watch just before we went to sleep last night.  That show was “Toddlers and Tiaras.”

Oh my freakin’ god did it piss me off!

What is wrong with these people?  Don’t they know that beauty pageants are terrible, loathsome things?  In what world is it alright for little kids to worry about being “sexy” especially at 9-10 years old let alone at the 2-5 year old age range?

I was totally disgusted by this program, and I wish I had never even heard of it because I much prefer the life I was living not knowing that such nonsense existed.  I was perfectly fine being oblivious, secure in my knowledge, which was incorrect, that nobody, I mean nobody, would pimp their own children like that!  Now that know I was wrong, I am furious and I am filled with anxiety!

I have always hated the idea of a beauty pageant because they are so goddamn superficial!  I mean, what are we saying as a society when we have competitions specifically designed to be judged by a panel of superficial people who base their judgment solely on how the contestant looks? 

I’ll tell you what we are saying. 

We are saying that appearance trumps brains, so why waste your time going to school and actually learning anything.  That won’t help you stay beautiful! 


It’s all rubbish!

I don’t care who you are.  You need a fall back plan because eventually there is going to be a time when you aren’t going to be nice to look at.  What are you going to do then?

Who knows? 

Now, I hate beauty pageants even more because they are involving little kids in it.  What’s even more atrocious is that all the parents on this “toddlers and tiaras” show claim that they aren’t forcing their kids to do the pageants.  Apparently, the kids all asked to do it when they started at 4 months old or whatever.

Yeah, these kids want to do it!

My ass they do!  They just don’t know any better.

You know, it is one thing if you want to pimp yourself out, but leave your kids out of your insanity, and please don’t kid yourself.  Pimping your children is exactly what you are doing when you force them into beauty pageants.  Might as well get them used to the idea I guess because it isn’t like you’re going to give them any other choices.

I tell you this show, and the realization that this crap actually happens, gave me horrible dreams all last night.  I spent the night angrily tossing and turning yelling at stupid pageant moms and dads in my dreams.  Unfortunately, none of them could understand what I saw wrong in the pageant lifestyle for their kids.  They all just stared at me uncomprehendingly.

Well, after that angry night of dreams I woke up this morning still feeling testy, and the first thing I said to my wife was, “If you ever try to take any of our kids, either this one or any other theoretical children we may have in the future, and enter them into any kind of beauty pageant I am divorcing your ass and running away with them.”
Her reply was a healthy laugh.   

Friday, June 24, 2011

The Toddler's Stages of Sleepiness!

This morning, as I tried desperately to get my baby boy to nap, I had a revelation.   Like grief, there are stages sleepiness, and my baby was at the cranky stage.

It was obvious that he was tired.  Every time he stopped moving his head would start bobbing and his eyes would close, and then they would pop right open again.  He refused to admit defeat and fall asleep!  He even went so far as to strip himself out of his diapers and hit me with them in order to show how displeased he was with me for trying to get him to nap.  Luckily, they were just wet and not chunky!

Anyway, I realized I was in for a long long morning at that point.  And to think, it was only 7:30. 

I was really tempted to get on you tube and have the sweet voice of Samuel L Jackson read that new book to him I have heard so much about.  I believe it is called “Go the F*** to Sleep!”

I thought better of it.  After an hours worth of struggle, I put on Shrek instead and instantly he fell asleep, and, like the crappy father I am, I left him exactly where he was. 

Sprawled out on the middle of the living room floor snoring like a fiend. 

Yeah, it seems like a crappy thing to do, but after the major fight to get him to nap I am not taking any chances on waking his little butt up!  He is going to stay right there until he’s done snoring and ready to run around again.

Now, is my chance to note all the Stages of Sleepiness that my toddler has shown me today.


The first stage of him admitting his tiredness is the droopy stage.  This is when his little eyes are only half open and he isn’t running around the house wreaking havoc.  This stage of sleepiness is really the only time that the rugrat can stay still for more than a second or two.  He’s usually too busy climbing the furniture, tipping over the furniture, or attacking me to be still. 

I also call this stage the hopeful stage because at this point I always hope that he is going to fall asleep right away.  Yeah right!  By now I should know better.  Droopy eyes are only the beginning.  This stubborn little tyke still has a lot of fight left in him, so don’t get too excited.   

 Naptime Crazies

I often find the similarities between people and animals remarkable.  This similarity is no different. 

Do you know how puppies and kittens get kind of crazy at night, running around and chasing everything?  Well, my baby boy does the same thing before naptime.   He gets really energetic, even more so than usual, but not by much.  He’ll shriek and laugh at nothing at all.  Then, he’ll run around in circles, and if he had a tail he’d be trying to catch it. 

This is his first real attempt to stave off sleep.  He knows he is tired, but he refuses to acknowledge it and fall asleep.  His theory is, as long as he is moving he can’t possibly fall asleep.  It doesn’t matter that he is stumbling and falling all over the place when he walks because right now he is all goofy and all that falling down is funny to him somehow.

Well, that changes fairly quickly.

Whiny/drama queen

Immediately following the stage when everything is funny, is this whiny stage of sleepiness where everything is tragic.

He’ll cry and throw a fit over everything!

If he stumbles over a toy it is the biggest deal in the frickin’ world!  He’ll throw himself to the floor and kick and scream.  Doubtless, during this tantrum he will toss the toy that is in his hands away, and then he'll cry because the toy he had magically disappeared and he really wanted it.

Oh, and if his trains come off the tracks while he is pushing them when he is at this point of sleepiness, the world has officially ended.  There is no coming back from that.  There is absolutely nothing I can to do soothe him.   If I place the trains back on his track, I swear he says “They are Just going to fall off again!” and cries even harder.

This is when I start pulling my hair out!


If hadn’t started pulling my hair out yet, then I am sure to start soon after he starts getting cranky.

The two upsides to this stage are that one he isn’t crying about everything, and two he is sure to crash in a few moments.  The downside is he starts to get violent, which is kind of cute at first, but that changes after a second or ten.

During this stage there is absolutely no pleasing the little guy.  In no time at all he turns into an evil little troll that isn’t above biting.  I swear, sometimes I feel like I am living with a tiny Marv Albert.

Crashed out

Yay!  Paydirt!

The little guy finally falls asleep just when I start to wonder if I have any hair left! 

Suddenly, everything that happened to get him to this point is forgotten.  Yeah, I may have bite marks on my back and arms, and I may have a few bald spots, but just look at him!  Daddy’s little angel all crashed out on the floor.  So adorable!

I shouldn’t move him, but I can’t leave him on the floor.  I'm just going to gently pick him up and put him in his pack and play.


He’s awake!

Damn it!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Excuses, Excuses!

One of the things that has bothered me for years about people with kids, is all of the excuses that they make for their kids and for their crappy parenting of them. 

I mean there is an excuse for absolutely everything, and of course the person making all the excuses never accepts the blame for anything.

Well, I think it is about time for us all to take responsibility for our actions or lack of them.  I know.  It's a novel idea, but don't you think it is time for us to drop some of these horrid excuses we make?

I am sure you know what I am talking about, but if you don’t I’ll provide a few examples for you.

I need some me time

This is one of the ultimate excuses that a lot of parents seem to use in order to feel better about themselves for ignoring their hell raising children.  

Personally, I think it is absurd!  

I mean really.  You lost all rights of personal time the moment the little one poked an eye out of the womb. 

It’s a matter of fact that children need attention.  Constant attention.  If you can’t handle that then you’d better hope the other parent can spot for you because otherwise you are going to have some problems.   Think of it like punching in and out of a time clock at work because after all being a parent is kind of like job, so why not break it up into shifts?  

If you are the only parent, then you are screwed because that makes you the only go to guy, and your kids will never let you alone.  Sorry.

I’m a Type A Personality

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

I have often heard this excuse from parents that expect their kids to excel in everything that they attempt.  Unfortunately, when the poor kid doesn’t succeed the parent explodes with rage.  The last time I saw an example of this was at a bowling alley of all places.

This poor kid threw a few gutters and his dad was furious with him for it.  Talk about ridiculous!  This guy was ridiculing his son for something as stupid as throwing a gutter while bowling.  That’s even worse than the parents that scream at their kid’s coach at a sporting event. 

What do they say when you call them on that?  

"Yeah, I am a little intense.  I guess it's because I have a type A personality."


You can’t tell me that there is any excuse for that kind of behavior.  I don’t care if you do have a Type A personality.  That doesn’t give you carte blanch to be a douche!

I grew up in an abusive household

I don’t know how many times I have heard this over my life, and it is always uttered by someone who either is trying to excuse the fact that they have no control over their rug rats or that they themselves are abusing their kids.

Either way, it doesn’t matter.  It is time to take responsibility for your own actions.  It doesn't matter what happened to you in the past.  You are living in in the now, and you owe it to your kids to be there for them mentally.  

Part of being a parent means you have to parent your kids, and if you don’t have the confidence to discipline them then there are people out there that can help you. 

If you are using your poor childhood as an excuse for abusing your children, then you are an asshole.  There is never any excuse for abuse, and it doesn’t matter if it is verbal or physical. 

The teachers are out to get me or my son/daughter

I have already harped on this back in March on my post titled “Got Your Blinders On?” so I will be brief.

If your kid is failing subjects in school, then chances are your kid is either lazy or honestly needs help. 

Think about it! 

Why the hell would any teacher intentionally fail your kid?  What could they possibly have to gain from it?

It just doesn’t make any sense!

He/she has ADHD

Give me a break!

This is the excuse that parents make that makes me the maddest!

Lately, it seems like every kid has ADHD.  Every time you turn around someone else’s kid has been diagnosed with ADHD.  It’s ridiculous and infuriating, and I am firmly convinced that this “ailment” is primarily used as an excuse by lazy parents and teachers that don’t want to deal with an energetic kid, so they do the easiest thing they can.  

Drug 'em!

Whatever did parents and teachers do with their kids back in the day when this ailment was simply known as childhood or kids being kids?  

Here, read this list of the symptoms of ADHD that were published at PubMed health.  Then ask yourself if it sounds like anybody you know.  I bet it does.

The symptoms of ADHD are divided into inattentiveness, and hyperactivity and impulsivity.

Some children with ADHD primarily have the inattentive type, some the hyperactive-impulsive type, and some the combined type. Those with the inattentive type are less disruptive and are more likely to miss being diagnosed with ADHD.

Inattention symptoms:
1.   Fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork
2.   Has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play
3.    Does not seem to listen when spoken to directly
4. Does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace
5.    Has difficulty organizing tasks and activities
6.  Avoids or dislikes tasks that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork)
7.     Often loses toys, assignments, pencils, books, or tools needed for tasks or activities
8.    Is easily distracted
9.     Is often forgetful in daily activities

Hyperactivity symptoms:
1.       Fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat
2.       Leaves seat when remaining seated is expected
3.       Runs about or climbs in inappropriate situations
4.       Has difficulty playing quietly
5.      Is often "on the go," acts as if "driven by a motor," talks excessively

Impulsivity symptoms:
1. Blurts out answers before questions have been       completed
2.       Has difficulty awaiting turn
3. Interrupts or intrudes on others (butts into conversations or games)

Does any of this sound like you or your kid?  Of course it does!  It pretty much describes everybody that I have ever met.  Does that mean we all have ADHD?  No, that would be ludicrous!  

God this is infuriating!

When I failed to do any homework for a month or two in high school it wasn't because I have ADHD.  It was because homework sucked and I didn't want to do it!  

Unfortunately, there are lots of things in life that suck and we don't want to do.  That doesn't mean we need to be medicated though.  It means we have to do the best we can and then face the consequences of our actions.

Well that's it.  Are there any excuses that parents make that really irritate you?  Feel free to share.  I'd love to hear from you!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Hair Metal is Turning My Baby Into a Little Monster!

I have to say that my little man never ceases to amaze me.  He is such a happy little bugger!  He loves to laugh and play and get snuggled. 

But, as you can see by my new photo above, he has a dark side too!

How can this be?

How can my perfect little monster truly be a monster at times?

Personally, I blame it on the devil music he likes best of all, 80’s hair metal and Metallica.  He just can’t get enough of either.  Whenever a fast, thrashing song starts playing he goes completely batcrap insane!

The transformation is magical!

He changes from this sweet loving little guy to a head bangin’ lunatic.  I love it!  And, I can honestly say that I didn’t teach him to hea bang.  He came by it naturally!  But, even if I was the impetus for this crazy dancing style it is still cute as heck!  Best of all, he is having a great time when he does dance like that, and I, for one, am not going to discourage him. 

He is still the same loveable little tyke that he always is.  He’s just more maniacal than usual.  Well, not really.  Kids have energy, and they need to release it.

Also, I appreciate the fact that I don’t have to change what I listen to because he likes it too.  All I have to do is make sure there aren’t any swear words in the songs. 

No problem! 

Well, that is kind of a problem, but nothing I can’t handle because there are plenty of songs out there that don’t have swearing in them.  Luckily, of the 400 or so songs that I have on the computer or mp3 player only a hundred and fifty or so have swearing in them.  The rest either don’t or the songs are in French, and, let’s face it, how many times is he likely to get in trouble for swearing in French when he eventually goes to school or preschool?

Not very many I should think, but I even got rid of the French songs that have a lot of swearing in them just in case.

Anyway, the point is I am not allowing him to hear a lot of cursing and what not because he is bound to repeat it, which will surely get him into trouble at some point.  I know that he is bound to hear cussing sooner or later.  I just prefer it to be later. 

I also refuse to believe that bad behavior can be blamed on anything but poor parenting, so I am not going to limit the types of music he can listen to.  It’s the content of the songs I am going to pay attention to…for now… because of my refusal to believe that the music a kid listens to has anything to do with their behavioral problems.  That would be a parenting issue.  

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I Can't tell you how much I hate Kiddie Leashes!

My toddler can now officially kick my butt. 

It was bound to happen at some point, I was just hoping to stave it off for a few more years. 

No, I am not talking about him beating me up in a fight or anything.  That would be ludicrous!  Fighting isn’t allowed in  this household. 

No, I am talking about him being able to run faster, play harder, and do both longer than I can. 

I am so fat!

How fat am I?

I am so fat that last week I busticated all four legs on one of our kitchen chairs while the little man and I were eating lunch. 

Not cool.

Now, I have come to the realization that I am so fat and out of shape that a 16 month old can outrun and outmaneuver me too.  Talk about a slap in the face.  And to think, he is only going to get bigger, faster, and more mobile. 

What am I going to do?

How am I possibly going to control this little monster when I can’t possibly catch him?

I guess I could always throw my cane at him. 

No.  Scratch that. All that would do is get child services called on me, so that is not an option.  I am just going to have to adapt to the situation because I refuse to let my little tyrant rule over me the way I see so many other kids rule over their parents.  But, how am I going to keep up with him?

Well, I have some ideas that I am willing to try, but I am sure as hell not going to put my little man on a leash, so don’t bother even suggesting that!  The idea of it absolutely infuriates me.  I refuse to be one of those parents.  You know…the parents who take their kids to the mall on a leash so they don’t have to really pay any attention to them.  So, while you are shopping there are a bunch of obnoxious rugrats running around on flexi’s trashing the place! 

Yeah, I’m talking about those parents.

If you are going to put your kid on a leash at least teach it to heal properly!

The very idea of having my son on a leash disgusts me.

It just isn’t helpful in any circumstance.  I don’t know this because I have tried it.  I know this because I have never seen anyone in control of any situation involving their kid when their kid was tethered to them with a backpack leash.  It’s not that these parents don’t want to control their kids.  They can’t control them because they have already given up.  They probably really do care that their kids are totally obnoxious, but what can they do about it now that they have officially thrown in the towel?!  Nothing because at that point they’ve let it get too far out of hand. 

Now, there is nothing left for them to do but walk around with their little tykes on leashes in a humble admission of defeat.    

Well, I am not going to end up like that. 

I will never admit defeat even when I am clearly beaten.  So, instead of using an asinine leash to “control” my son and slow him down to my speed, I have decided to try using some good ole’ fashioned exercise to get him to behave at the store.  It will also help to bring me up to his speed, which is a nice little bonus.

So far, it is working because it is kind of hard for my little one to misbehave when he is physically exhausted.  Ok.  So not exhausted, but a little tired.  It isn't like I am forcing him to exercise.  All I am doing is playing with the little guy.  He loves it, and so do I.   
You know what?  I have found that toddlers and puppies really are very similar in that they both need a lot of physical activity. If my boy and I run around and dance and play really well before heading out on a shopping trip then he is much more able to listen to me and sit quietly in the cart while we are at the store.

I use the same principle when I am training a puppy.  You can’t expect a puppy that is just full of all this extra energy to readily learn new commands can you?  Of course not.  First, you have to play with them and burn off some of that energy in order for them to be able to focus on you for a few moments.  

Well, this applies to toddlers too.  You can’t expect them to focus on anything if they are full to the bursting point with energy.  They need to burn some of it off first before they can really pay attention to anything, so why not play with them?  That way you both get to have some exercise and you won't be pulling your hair out later when your little one is running around like a maniac because you've already run them around and burned off a lot of that craziness beforehand.

I can't say whether or not this will work for every kid, but I know it works for mine.

Monday, June 20, 2011

There Must be Something in my Eye!

I am not sure if it is because I am a guy or if it is because I am a freak, but there are times where it is really hard for me to acknowledge how I feel.  It is almost like I am afraid of my feelings.  For instance, if I am scared I get angry with myself for not being more “manly,” if I am happy I am embarrassed to really show it, and if I am sad I put on a “brave” face and try my hardest not to show it at all because for me there is nothing worse than crying, and I feel twice as bad if any one sees me crying.  It is one of my biggest fears; to be seen crying. 

Unfortunately, I cry a lot, twice in the past year or so in fact, so I am angry with myself all the time for being such a weepy little chimp.  I have always been ashamed of this.  You know, it wouldn’t be so bad if I really understood how these emotion things worked and if I could control them the way I want to, but I can’t seem to get a grasp on them let alone understand them.

But, do I really need to understand them?

I have asked myself this same question a number of times since the birth of my son, and I have come to the determination that I don’t.

We wouldn’t have feelings and emotions if we weren’t supposed to, so why do I run from them so often?

I remember the very first time I held my son.  I was so happy, so proud, so scared, and I immediately loved him most of all.  I just wanted to stare at him forever, wondering how it could be that he could make everything so perfect when he had just arrived in this world.  Then, my view of him was ruined by my tears. 

I didn’t know why I was crying, and, for the first time in my life, I didn’t care that I was or who saw me doing it.  It just felt right.  I didn’t need to make any excuses like “Oh man, I got something in my eye!” or “These aren’t tears.  It’s just freakin’ hot in here and I am sweating like an over worked horse.” 

It was so refreshing, holding my brand new slimy munchkin while I cried openly.  It was like the perfect moment.  I wasn’t embarrassed.  I wasn’t ashamed.  I was content.  Honestly, I really didn’t even know I was crying until I tried to talk and found that I couldn’t because I was all choked up with emotion.

I could barely utter the words “Thank You!” 

I didn’t know who I was thanking in particular. 

I was just grateful, and not afraid to show it in the least.  In fact, I really appreciated those tears because they were able to say everything that I only wish I could have verbally.  It was such a relief to be able to show how much I cared even if I couldn’t find the words to say it.

Why can’t tears be a relief every time they make an appearance?

Yesterday, I cried and was really embarrassed about it.  I was saying good bye to my baby brother and my practically sister in law who are moving to Florida when my eyes started leaking.  I was almost mortified, but I couldn’t stop it from happening.  

Again, I didn’t even know why I was crying.

Sure, I am going to miss having them around, but I am also really happy for them and excited for them and proud of them both for having the courage to chase after something that they want even if they aren’t exactly sure of the outcome.  I don’t know if I could ever do that.  It’s a major test of my bravery to just take the little man out shopping most days.  I couldn’t imagine moving half way across the country. 

That’s gotta take some balls!

Anyway, for whatever reason, I cried as I said my good byes to them.  Man, it was embarrassing!  I just wanted to run and hide, but I didn’t.  I muscled through it as bravely as I could while I told them that I loved them both, and then they were gone to pack for their upcoming move.

I am still embarrassed that I cried, but after I thought about it for a little I am not nearly as embarrassed and ashamed as I was.  Like when my son was born, I let my tears say what my mouth couldn’t find the words to.  There’s no shame in that.

Hell, at least now they know that I truly do care. 

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day? Isn't that Every Day?

Yay!  It’s Father’s Day!

Well, to be honest with you.  I don’t get it, and as a father I feel perfectly comfortable wondering why fathers need a special day anyway.  It just doesn’t make sense.  Is it because we are jealous that mothers have their own special day dedicated to them?  If that’s the case, then that is pretty embarrassing. 

Dads are so freakin’ petty!

Yeah, yeah.  I hear you. “We deserve our day too.”


I mean really.  Why do father’s deserve a day of recognition?  It isn’t like we had the hard part of bringing the kid into the world.  All we did was get in there, shoot up the place, and then we were done.

Badda Bing badda boom. 

We didn’t have to carry a parasite inside us for ten months (Yes, 40 weeks equals ten months).  We’re not the ones that had to go through all the tedious uncomfortable exams.  Most of all, dads don’t have to go through the birthing process, which I am extremely happy about because holy crap, that looks like it hurts! 

No, all we had to do was tag along for all that and try our hardest to stay out of the way while helping out where we could as best we can.

So, why, I ask, do we deserve our own day?

Yes, I understand that our jobs as fathers don’t start until after the rugrat pops out, but even then our jobs aren’t all that hard even if they are important. 

In fact, my job as a dad is so easy I couldn’t imagine doing anything else.  For me it’s like every day is Father’s Day.  I don’t need a Sunday in June dedicated to me as a father.  It just isn’t necessary.

You want to know what my job as a dad is?  Here, I’ll tell you.  My job as a dad is to take care of my son in the best way that I know how, and to make sure that he feels loved and safe.  

Easy sheezy! 

I feed him, cloth him, clean him up, play with him, work on his numbers and alphabet, but most importantly I tell him that I love him and hug him a thousand times a day.  That’s really all being a dad is, and, to be truthful, it’s easy as hell.  

I mean really.  Who doesn’t like to spend time playing with their kid?  

I play with him when I feed him cloth him and clean him up., and if I had to boil it down to a single word that sums up my entire day it would be play.


Yeah, I do other things like kiss his booboos and snuggle him a lot too, but that is all done while we are playing.  There is no end to play time.  I love it!

Here is a typical day at my house.

First, we wake up entirely too early for the little man, so for an hour or so he just sits on the couch and talks with me after we have our breakfast and kiss mama good bye.  Then, after he is awake we chase each other around the house and dance to silly music.  

Following that, we play with the trains and have second breakfast.  By this time it is around 8:30 or 9 o’clock, which is right about nap time.  Nap time lasts for an hour so, which is a perfect amount of time for me to pick up the toys that we had strewn about earlier in the day and write a little on my blog.     

After nap time, we play again.  If the weather is nice we’ll go outside and play in the yard or we’ll go to the park.  The little man gets to choose.  Either way I am fine with it.  Then at noon we have lunch.

After lunch, we play again until about 1:30 or 2, which is nap time again.  This nap is awesome because he will sleep for at least two hours, so I can do pretty much whatever I want until he wakes up. 

Unfortunately, by this time I am ready for a nap myself, so I usually end up lying down with him.  If I wake up first, I usually try to rush and do the dishes and pick up all the toys because when he wakes up he is going to want a snack and my undivided attention. 

Yes, by undivided attention I mean the little guy is going to want to play because he will be all charged up after his long nap.  So, I try to get dinner ready before my wife gets home as best I can while playing with the little guy.  

Then, my wife comes home and I am chopped liver for the rest of the evening.

That’s a typical day for me.  

Sure, I also change a few diapers somewhere in between everything else, and we also take a bath or shower in there somewhere, but all in all that’s my day. 

Not too shabby.

So, you see.  I get to play with my kid every single day.  I have a blast.  He has a blast.  I can’t imagine a better way to spend my day, so why do I need a designated father’s day when every day is father’s day for me?  

It’s you moms that need the day off.  You have all the responsibilities.  All us dads have to do is keep our kids entertained, and, let’s face it, that’s the best job in the world.