Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I Don't Need Your Approval! I Have My Son's!

Yay!!!  Summer is finally here!   

You know what that means right?  People are finally going to stop complaining about how cold it is.  But, that also means that those same people are going to start whining about the heat now.   

Seriously, there is just no pleasing some people!

No, I am not really going to complain about people who complain about the weather because that would be foolish.  But, what I am going to do is tell you how we are got geared up and ready for the upcoming season here at my house, and how pathetic I am as a parent.

Since the weather has gotten warmer, I have noticed that more and more people are heading to the parks with their kids.  At first, I thought that this trend was awesome because it would give my little man more opportunities to play with other kids, but I quickly learned that this wasn’t as great as I had originally hoped.  It turns out that I don’t like other people’s children, and I don’t really like most of the other parents that show up at the parks either.  

Hmm...Maybe I am antisocial or something, but it seems like the only times that I feel comfortable at the park nowadays is first thing in the morning when no one else is there. 

Well, that time slot doesn’t always work for the little man.  For one thing, it isn't much fun to play by yourself at the park, and for another thing he isn't a huge fan of waking up.    

So, a few weeks ago I did what any other parent would do in my situation. I brought some of the park feeling home, which really means that we built our little guy a swing set and installed sand box of his very own to play with.

My wife and I came up with this idea a few weeks ago because we thought that it was what he really "wanted." Well, regardless of whether or not he really wanted his own swing set and sandbox it was a great idea because now we don’t have to worry about smokers invading our play time anymore.  Also, there are no older kids smearing bodily fluids over the slide,  and there are no stones for him to fall and hurt his little hands and knees on.

In a word or two.  It's Great!

Now, the only thing we have to worry about is sun protection. 

Well, that’s a quick and easy fix.  We just ran out and stocked up on some SPF 5,000,000 sunblock for kids and off we go.  Simple right?

Not so much…

Since last summer, I have forgotten how sensitive little ones are to hot weather.  Even with his SPF 5 million sunblock on the little man gets bright red and overheated, which scares the crap out of me to be honest with you. 

What to do about that?

Well, we did the unthinkable.  We ran out and got him a miniature circus tent that had a built in bug screen for him to play in.  

Awesome!  Sun protection and bug protection! 

His new tent is installed directly over the sand box, which is his favorite outdoor toy.  Now, he can play all day and be shaded from the sun and not eaten by bugs. 

What else could he possibly want?

Well, it turns out that even when he is in the shade he gets uncomfortable, so we got him a kiddie pool too.  But, I swear that is it! 

Nothing Else!

I mean it this time!

Yeah, I am aware that I said the same thing after we got him a cozy coupe, and I know that I said that I wouldn't buy anymore strollers after I bought a third stroller for no reason and now we have six I think, but I couldn’t help myself then.  Now, I don’t have a choice.  If we keep spending money on this kid we are going to go broke! 

It’s crazy!

What toddler needs all this?

Well, I can’t blame the kid.  He didn’t ask for any of it.  He was happy going to the park and listening to all the other people screaming and swearing at each other because he could ignore all that crap like I used to.  But, as a parent I can't just ignore it anymore.  I have a little one to protect and think about.  

So, I was the one that wasn’t happy going to the park all the time anymore.  Yeah we still go, but not as often.  All my son needed was sunblock, my wife and I, and he was happy.   

He didn't want anything else.  I did. It was all my doing.

I am the one who needed the swing set to be happy.  I am the one that thought a sandbox would be wicked cool.  I am the one that thought that the little circus tent was the cutest darned thing. I am also the one that thought he needed the kiddie pool.

What is wrong with me?

Why can’t I stop myself from buying him all this stuff?

Well, the kiddie pool was really for me.  I am not too proud to admit that I really wanted it because I wanted to play in it.  

Wait a minute!  I know that I am not I fooling anyone here.  The reason I buy anything for my son is because I really want it for myself.

Why else have kids if not for stealing their stuff?    

I know it seems pathetic that a 30 year old man wants to play with his toddler’s toys, but it is true, and I will no longer hide shamefully from it.

Yes, I sit in his kiddie pool on hot days; yes, the only reason I don’t swing on his swing set is because I am too heavy for it; yes, I play in his sandbox with his trucks and other toys; yes, I push his pooh choo train around and make pretend noises while he watches me; yes, I play with his Thomas the train set while he naps; and yes, I know I am pathetic for doing all this.

But, you know what?  I don’t care because I enjoy playing, and I really like playing with the little man.  I am not about to stop it either.   I don’t care if I look pathetic while I splash around in the kiddie pool with my son.  It’s fun, and it isn’t just fun for me but for him too. 

So, go ahead and think of me as a loser, and look at me scornfully when you see me.  

I don’t need your approval.  I have my son’s. 

Friday, May 27, 2011

I Guess Parents Aren't Meant to Have Sex Lives

One of the things that I miss most from the pre baby days, well, let’s face it, the only thing that I miss from my pre baby life is having the chance to be intimate with my wife whenever we want.  Once the little man arrived, any kind of private life we had disappeared like Jimmy Hoffa.  Nobody knows where it went.

If you have children of your own then you know exactly what I am talking about.  The little monsters follow you around everywhere.  It is so bad around here that if I shut the door when I am in the bathroom little fists immediately start pounding on the door quickly followed by a little voice shouting “Hey Da!!!  DADA!!!!”

There is just no getting away for a few minutes to take a crap.  That’s not allowed.

But, that I can live because he will grow out of it…eventually…I hope.

The complete lack of intimacy with my wife is a whole different problem, and I am not totally convinced that we will ever get that back. 

I guess parents aren’t meant to have sex lives.

My wife and I can’t even cuddle like we used to because there is this crazy, jealous little person running around the house.  We try to snuggle up to each other and watch a movie, and, sure as shootin’, the little guy streaks over to us and tries desperately to get between us.  He just can’t stand the idea of my wife and I snuggling or cuddling, and sex is definitely out of the question because he always knows when the mood strikes us and puts a stop to it quick as hell.  My wife and I have to try and sneak it in there whenever we can, and most of the attempts are complete failures. 

It is like our baby boy knows whenever we are getting frisky.  It is like some strange sixth sense he has!  He can be completely sound asleep, in a different room. with a radio playing, and the moment that my wife and I start fooling around he’ll jump up out of a sound sleep and start screaming, “Mama.  Hey Mama!  Dada?  Mama…Dada!”

Talk about a mood killer!  There is just no ignoring him at that point, so I can’t “muscle through it” so to speak.  Our games are already thrown.

Like I said, I am pretty sure that he knows what is going down, and I am pretty sure that this knowledge freaks him out.

I can’t blame him there.

The idea of my parents having sex creeps me out too. 

Just the thought of it is scarring, and I really wish that my Mom never told me that my siblings and I were all conceived on camping trips and that there was a not so insignificant amount of alcohol involved because that just puts it over the top for me.

I don’t want to know that!   

So, yes, I can understand how the idea of my wife and I being intimate might be oogy for my son, but he is only 15 months old!  We should be able to fly under the radar!  I mean come on!  It is pretty bad when a toddler can outwit me.

What happened to my ability to be sneaky?!

It is an odd concept for me to grasp that I should have to sneak around as a parent or get caught by my kid.  Geez!  I feel like I am a teenager again trying sneaking around doing god knows what and being terrified that I am going to get caught.  Only this time, I am trying not to get caught by a 24 pound, 30 inch tall clairvoyant toddler. 

At least when I was a teenager sneaking around my parents was exciting and a little fun.  That just isn’t the case anymore.  Now, it feels a bit tragic really.  We are never going to win this game because there is just no way that my wife and I are going to get past the little man’s defenses.  He is always going to know, and he is going to put a stop to any funny business immediately.  Like I said before, I guess parents aren’t meant to have sex lives.  

Thursday, May 26, 2011

It's My Wife's Birthday! Wanna Know How We Met?

Well, today is my wife’s birthday.  I have heard from other women that I probably shouldn’t broadcast how old she is because a lot of women are quite sensitive about their age.  Fortunately, I don’t think that my wife fits into that category, so I can tell you that she is turning 30.

My baby boy and my beautiful Honey Bear!

Let me tell you, I found it really hard to come up with something appropriate to get her as a gift.  I was torn between getting her adult diapers and a walker.  It was a hard decision.  In the end I decided to get her neither.  She would probably get angry with me for wasting our money frivolously. 

I can’t tell you what I actually got her because she may read this before she gets home and it would ruin the surprise.  What I can tell you is how we first met.  Well, not actually how we first met because I don’t remember that since I was in preschool.

I think that the first time that I actually took notice of her was in junior high.  It was in French class or chorus or something.  I remember thinking that she was really cute and really smart and fun and outdoorsy.   In a few words, she was the perfect girl in my eyes, which meant that she probably would never give me the time of day, so I gave up before I even tried to talk to her.  

Now, I am not usually all that shy, but she was different.  She somehow made me feel awkward, and no matter how hard I tried I could never get the right words out when I was around her. 

Well, all throughout high school I thought about her a lot.  I remember practicing all the things I would say to her the night before I had a class she was in.  I ended up always psyching myself out and not saying anything at all. 

Then, like a fool, I ended up dating a girl I couldn’t stand, which I won’t go into.  Needless to say, that wasn’t a fun time for me.

Anyway, after the girl I didn’t even like dumped me I couldn’t get the girl of my dreams, my wife, off of my mind.  Truthfully, she never left my mind.  

I thought about her all the time.  But, I never told her about it because, like a coward, I was too afraid of getting rejected or laughed at or whatever else that could happen.  Never in a million years would I have thought that she would take a chance on a loser like me.

Well, everything changed when I went to her brother’s high school graduation party. I don’t remember much of it, but I do remember that she showed me around her house and then later on I got to ride behind her on a four wheeler.  I was in heaven.  Here was a chance for me to kind of hug her without being creepy right?  I didn’t dare.

I blew it!

I was too afraid to touch her, and I am pretty sure you can think of why that was.  So, instead of holding onto her I ended up clutching the seat of the four wheeler so I wouldn’t fall off.  For a year and three months after that I kicked myself for not having the courage then to “make my move.” 

I can’t believe I was such an idiot!

Well, it worked out alright in the long run. 

A year and 3 months later I finally worked up the nerve to call her and ask her out.  Our first date was kind of lame.  I took her to Ponderosa and then to Walmart, but then we went back to her mom and dad’s house and watched a movie, which was awesome!  I have never had such an exhilarating time, and I even stole a kiss as I was leaving.  

I couldn’t help myself. 

Since then, we have seen each other almost every day.  What’s really amusing to me is that at one time she told me that she thought I was suicidal the day I called her up out of the blue and asked her out, and that is why she agreed. 

Hey, whatever works right?

She didn’t realize that I had been pining for her since junior high, and I was definitely not above getting a pity date.

Now, it’s hard for me to believe sometimes that she is my beautiful wife and the mother of our child.  Sure, we have had our ups and downs, but who hasn’t?  What’s important is that with a little effort we survived it.  We are a happy family, and I can’t imagine my life without her.  She’s everything to me.

Happy birthday honey!  I hope that you are as happy as I am! 


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Since When is Being Stupid, Dry Humping, Toking Up, or Being Drunk at the Park Trendy?!

I’ve often wondered why on earth most, if not all, of the parks around my house seem to be frequented primarily by either horny teens, dopers, drunks, or just overall stupid people.  Don’t get me wrong.  Normal people use them too, but after a certain time of day it is like all normals know to leave so the dirt filthies can have a go at it. 

Unfortunately, I was not aware of this shift change.  Otherwise, I would never have dragged my family out at 7 pm to go to the park. 

Boy was I disappointed!

Now, I fully understand that once the sun sets it is common  knowledge that the parks are not going to be the safest places, but when the sun is still high in the sky why wouldn’t you be able to go to the park and play with your kid and feel comfortable there? 

I don't mean to imply that last night the park seemed dangerous or anything, but it did seem really annoying. 

I just got tired of seeing a skad of hooligans pushing the swings over and over the swing bar so little kids couldn’t use them because the swings were too high off the ground for poor little ones to reach them.  

It also perturbed me that these bratty kids had the worst case of potty mouth I have ever heard.  I had to try and keep talking louder than them so the little man wouldn’t pick up any more foul language than he already knows.  

Yes, these teens were irritating, but what really annoyed me was the “adult” that was “chaperoning” them.

Why would this guy let all this go on?  Shouldn’t he be doing something to rein these kids in a little?  He should have at least pulled the two off the slide that were dry humping shouldn’t he?   

Well, the reason this guy didn’t do anything to stop his kids and their friends from being little ass holes was because he was either too stupid or too drunk to care.  My best guess is he was probably both, but, to be fair, I didn’t get close enough to do a sniff test.

I would like to say that the possibility of drunkenness was a sudden realization to me, but, in my town, public drunkenness is pretty common place, especially at the park.  In fact, it is so common that it is expected that when you get to the park someone there will be drunk.  

I know.  It is sad, but it’s also true.  Almost every time the little man and I go to the park there is a man or woman there  that has obviously had a bit too much to drink.  But, most of the time the drunks that are there have the decency to sit quietly on the benches with their paper bags and only speak when spoken to.  And, even then they try their darnedest to be polite, and this is true even for dimmest of them, which is pretty dim indeed. 

Well, this guy wasn’t the normal every day stupid drunk guy at the park.  He wasn’t quiet at all.   He was totally obnoxious!   

This guy was yelling about everything and making lame jokes that he was screaming out proudly.   Worst of all, he repeated the things he yelled out numerous times in order to make sure we all heard him and understood whatever juvenile joke he was trying to make. 

Not cool!

Not funny!

Not impressive in the least!

I honestly think that he thought he was funny, well that much was obvious, but I also believe that he thought he was impressing us with his ability to shout out stupid things like, “I swear I didn’t do it!” after he heard a police siren. 

How he thought that this kind of behavior was supposed to be cool, funny, or impressive baffles me.  All I can say is it must have been the alcohol tricking his already handicapped brain.

Had he been not quite so dim and or drunk he would have realized that  he wasn’t funny, and he would have known that he was nothing more then a jack ass and that's just not impressive!  

Really, how can anyone be impressed by a jack ass?

Well, I wasn’t impressed anyhow.  I just wanted to play with my son, which was kind of hard when there was a whole truck load of stupid making noise seemingly trying hard to make other people uncomfortable. 

I am just glad that the park was large enough that it was easy to usher my little man away from the jerk and his jerky kids.  

Which raises another question.

Don’t teenagers have better things to do than hang out at a park these days?

I don’t care if they do show up with an adult.  Don’t teenagers these days have the decency to leave the playground area of the park alone?  I can understand it if they were playing with a little kid, but this is rarely the case.  Most often, if there is a teen at the park they are playing with another teen doing who knows what, and being dreadfully rude and obnoxious at the same time. 

When I was a teeny bopper, I made sure to bring a soccer ball or something to the park because I recognized that the playground was place for little kids to play on with their families.  I would never dream of hanging out there because back then, any teen that had any shame at all would never get caught hanging out, playing, doing drugs, or dry humping on the playground at the park.  It was an unwritten rule that that kind of behavior was just unacceptable anywhere, but especially while at a park.

For one thing, we would have been too embarrassed to be seen at a park because that was just not cool.  We would have been embarrassed to be seen with the rest of our families, and god forbid being seen enjoying ourselves once we were there. If we had to go to the park with them, then we would have begged to be taken to an out of town park to minimize the chance of being seen by someone that we knew.  Even then, we would sequester ourselves to the basketball courts because it was one thing to be seen at the basketball court or maybe even at the public pool, but that was it.  The playground area was off limits as it opened you up to all sorts of ridicule from your peers.

And, for another thing, teens in the nineties were smart enough to realize that if you were going to do drugs or  be "bumpin' uglies" someplace, then the park was the worst place in the world to go to because it was a populated place, which meant there was a good chance that you would get busted.  

Think about it!

Parks are crawling with kids, which means that parents will be there too, which means that there is a good chance that a few of these parents will either know your parents or they will call the police if they think you are up to no good.  Either way, toking up or boinking your boy/girl friend at the park is a bad idea.  You’re just going to get caught eventually.

Apparently, teens nowadays don’t know this.

I am not sure what changed in the world that made teens these days feel comfortable hanging out at the playground in the park, but I mourn the loss of the days when they didn’t.  Maybe the cause of this change is the increasing number of stupid parents like the idiot I saw last night.  I don’t know.  Maybe my expectations are too high.

I know that the current societal trend leans towards stupidity and self-centeredness.  Of course that includes teenagers.  They as a group are already notorious for being self-centered and incredibly stupid, so, in that sense, teens are the trendiest of us all.  Why would anyone expect anything different?


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Jumping to Conclusions. Terrible, Terrible Conclusions!

As parents, we all wish that we had all the answers all the time, especially when our kids are sick.  There is nothing worse for a parent than having a sick kid on your hands.  Not only is it heartbreaking, but it is nerve racking too.  You don’t know what is wrong, and if the poor kid can’t really talk yet then you are left on your own to try and figure out what is wrong.  That sucks, especially when it’s the middle of the night.  I don’t know about you, but if I am woken up out of a sound sleep I won’t be able to think straight for at least an hour or two.

To be honest with you, most times when the alarm clock goes off I still think it is my phone ringing.  I don’t know how many times I have tried to answer a nonexistent phone call.  I’m pathetic at waking up!

So, what’s a parent to do when their kid is sick?

Well, I know that I need to start by not panicking like chicken little.  All that does is make things worse, but I can’t help it.  Yeah, I have read all the articles in the parenting magazines that tell you what to do in situations like this, but who takes those articles seriously?  Really, how can anyone really take to heart anything they read in a parenting mag that has articles about body waxing and hairstyles that immediately follow bits about proper discipline techniques? 

I know I don’t!

So, last night when my baby boy woke up screaming and screaming we couldn’t figure out what to do about it.  No one really tells you about times like this before your baby is born.  We had no clues that we would feel so desperate when my wife and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with our little man.  Eventually, while my wife and I groggily paced the floors with him, trying to calm him, we got so frantic and exasperated that we were going to take him to the emergency room because he never cries this bad.   

We were desperate!  Nothing worked!  We didn’t know what to do, and there was nobody there to tell us.

He wouldn’t nurse.  He wouldn’t drink anything.  He wouldn’t eat anything.  He wouldn’t stop crying! We were going crazy with worry.  It felt like our little man was screaming for hours and hours with no letup in sight.  I don’t care that my watch said that we had been awake for only five minutes!  My clocks must have been broken because we were obviously really up for hours at this point. 

What are you going to believe more a device specifically designed to measure time or a hysterical parent?

Well, I guess now that I am fully awake I would probably begrudgingly believe that clock over me too.  I actually am quite embarrassed that after only five minutes of listening to my little man crying I was resigned to take him to the emergency room.  I would like to think that I keep a cool head in most all situations, but I would be lying to you if I said that.  If my son is involved I have a tendency to freak out just a little bit. 

If he is upset or hurt or scared in anyway all bets are off.  There is no telling what I will do or think because I am instantly frantically searching for a reason why he is upset, scared, or hurt and looking for something that I can do to alleviate the situation.  I think all parents are like this even if they don’t get as bad as I do.    

I don’t really think that I am a freaker outer.  I just can’t stand it when my boy cries!  It makes me feel so bad for him.  I need to know why and what I can do to help him.  When I can’t figure out what is wrong or what I can do to help, then I become frantic and say things like “We better get to the hospital quick because obviously something must be really wrong with him” as I frantically pace around the living room like I did last night.  I think I walked a mile or so trying to stay calm and think of what was wrong.  Then my more level headed wife performed a miracle.  She turned on the television for some good ole’ Shrek Treatment. 

Yep, the Shrek cure did the trick!  He stopped crying almost immediately, and after a little time he fell right to sleep.  Boy was I relieved, but, even then, I was still contemplating taking him to the hospital.  What can I say?  I was tired and not thinking straight.  If he started crying and screaming right now, I would probably not automatically assume that something was really wrong with him, but in the middle of the night I am a little more insane than usual.  I tend to jump to bigger, scarier conclusions than I do most other times of the day.

 So, here is the lesson I learned.  Before you freak out and jump to conclusions try turning on a movie before going to the hospital with your sick kid.  Sometimes, all they want is a distraction.  My baby doesn’t want or need a parent who automatically assumes the worst is happening.  Maybe yours doesn’t either.  

Monday, May 23, 2011

Oh no! I am Getting Old!

When I turned thirty a couple of weeks ago I joked and kidded about being old now and that I can no longer have fun because I am too frail.  I played it up and told everyone I knew that it was all down hill from here and that soon I was going to have a midlife crisis and buy a boat or something.  It was all in good fun, but now I am not so sure.

I really am getting old!

Here's how I know!

You see, on Saturday we took the little man to the zoo and I noticed something strange.  Right off I heard someone say to their kid "Oh look at how cute that baby is playing with his grandpa!"  Of course, they were referring to my son and I.  That happens from time to time.   I think it has something to do with my untrimmed beard and hair.  The deal with that is this.  

I want to cut the little man's hair, but my wife doesn't.  So, I have been saying that I will not get my hair cut or trim my beard until our little guy gets a hair cut too.  So far it isn't working out for me all that well.  My wife seems to like my shaggy hair and doesn't mind my bushy beard.  The only person that my unkempt hair is bothering is me, but I refuse to cut it until my baby is allowed to have a hair cut because, yes, I just that stubborn.  It has become a war of attrition at this point, and at the rate this is going I will probably fold because I have no will power to really see anything through to the end, but for now I am "in it to win it!"

Anyway, what really struck me as odd at the zoo wasn't the fact that someone mistook me for my son's grandfather.  I was dumbfounded by the number of young looking parents that were there.  If I had to guess I would probably say that there might have been one other 30 year old or close to it couple there with just one kid that was toddler aged.  As for all the rest of the parents, the ones that looked close to my age mostly had multiple children with a healthy mixture of older and younger kids or there were the people who looked to be in their early twenties if that and had one young kid or two really young ones.  I was pretty perplexed.  Isn't it trendy to wait anymore?

I guess it is out of style.

I thought about this for most of that day, and I came  to the conclusion that I became old and didn't even realize it because I have no idea what the trend is anymore on anything.

Now, I am not sure what that means for me exactly, but I am pretty sure that it means my knowledge of technology is rapidly growing outdated.  In fact, i would wager that it is as outdated as my parents knowledge of it was when I was a young'un.  

You know what I am talking about right?   Way back in the day when DVD players first came out and CDs became the norm instead of cassettes.  

Do you remember how much your parents complained about this newfangled technology?  Some of your parents probably still complain about it.  

What's wrong with my VHS?  Isn't that good enough?

Why the hell can't I find tapes of  Neil Diamond anymore?  All they have are these CD thingies!

DVD's will never catch on .  You mark my words!  No one will ever purchase the same movie twice just to have a copy of it on the dvd too.

and so on and so on...

We all heard this I am sure, and while they complained we were probably thinking, "Oh God!!! You are so OLD!!!"

Now, I am afraid I am turning into my parents.  


I am starting to fall behind the technology train.  I am even starting to say similar complaints about it changing so quickly.  I just can't keep up!  I have caught myself saying things like, "Why  the heck do I need a phone that plays music and take pictures, and what is the deal with this text messaging crap?  What's wrong with having a phone that can only be a phone?  I don't need all that other crap!"   

Then, I got flabbergasted over the concept of the kindle.  "What good is that going to do?" I asked when I first heard about it.   "That'll never catch on!" I said.

What is really embarrassing is that my mom has a kindle now and she can use it.  I can't figure that damn thing out!  

Wait a minute!  There is something wrong here!  Since when did my parents get cooler and more technologically savvy than me?  

It's not right I say! 

Soon, the little man is going to snigger at me the same way I sniggered at my parents when they didn't know what something was or how to use it.  I don't need that kind of pressure.  I have a hard enough time operating the remote for our television.  Honestly, do we really need all these buttons on it?  Why the heck is there a vcr button?  They don't even make VCR's anymore!  


Friday, May 20, 2011

Sometimes It's Best to Cut the Ties!

After reading a few blogs and chatting with numerous people on the topic of terrible families, I have decided to share some of my experience with my most terrible family member. The way I dealt with the woman may be extreme, but sometimes the best thing to do is to cut all ties with a person that is bad for you and bad for your immediate family.  As a parent you have to do what needs to be done in order to keep you, your kids, and your family happy, healthy, and safe.  There's no shame in that.

Now it's time for a Dizzy Dad Rant!

Recently, I came to the realization that in every family there are certain people that you are just ashamed and embarrassed to be related to.  Mine is no different!  In fact, it is so bad in my family that I basically gave one of my “relatives” up for dead on the grounds that she is a terrible mother, or at least she was when I actually cared enough about her to keep tabs on her.  Now, I have no idea what kind of parent she is, but I am fairly certain that she hasn't changed all that much.  How could she have?  Well, I am not about to find out because, like I said, she is dead to me now.

Am I being too harsh? 

I don’t think so, and I’ll tell you why.

You see, I believe that it is every parent’s duty to take care of, protect, and love their children above themselves.  If you can’t do this, then don’t have children.  It’s just that simple!  

Unfortunately, this “family member” was incapable of caring for her children as a proper parent.  I guess she was too interested in being promiscuous, as is evident by the multiple children she has had by multiple fathers, to love and take care of her kids.

Now, don’t get me wrong here.  I don’t care how many sexual partners any one has or how many children by how many different "partners" any one has, but once your sex life becomes more important than raising the kids you already have, then that’s a problem.  Kids are supposed to feel loved and safe when they are with their parents.  They aren’t in any way supposed to feel like an unwanted burden.  And, this when combined with other reasons is why I have given up this certain family member for dead. 

She made at least one of her kids feel unloved, unsafe, and unwanted.  And, as is so often the case, there was nothing I could do to put an end to it.  I couldn't take them because she supposedly wanted them.  The state wouldn't do anything because, apparently, people can plead stupidity and that counts for something.  So, I could be nothing but a bystander watching this train wreck called life happen to these poor kids.

It made me so angry!  It still does.  Why do some people decide to continually place their defenseless children into dangerous situations?!

What she put these youngsters through is unforgiveable!

In what world is it ok for any mother to tell her two children that she hated them.  What decent parent would ever tell  his or her kids that they were the biggest mistake of their life and then go out and have more children?  I know that it isn’t ok in mine.  What about yours?

Do you still think I am being too harsh?

Well, if this was the worst thing that happened to these kids then I might agree, but it isn’t.  

I still acknowledged her as family even after witnessing all the hurtful things she said to those poor kiddo’s.  Hell, she was still family even after her son started sobbing uncontrollably at 2 or 3 years old one Christmas morning as he hugged my wife repeatedly saying, “You aren’t a bad boy.  I still love you.  You aren’t bad.  I love you!”

Do you know how heartbreaking it is to hear such distress in such a little boy?  I just wanted to whisk him away and raise him as my own son, but that would be illegal.  I guess it is perfectly alright to not love your kids, and you can abuse them emotionally all you want, but god forbid anyone who might actually love your kids take them from you.  That would just be wrong!

Anyway, even after I witnessed this poor little boy's distress on Christmas morning I still considered that cow to be family, and I still thought of her as family even when she forgot to bring her daughter’s medicine with her so the poor kid could eat.  I swear this happened dozens of times which might not have been so bad if this "mother" hadn’t eaten in front of the poor little girl who was obviously hungry too. 

No, I hadn’t disowned this “mother” from my family even then. 

It wasn’t until after one of her children got molested at a baby sitter’s house that I gave this terrible excuse for a mother up for dead.  The real problem was the fact that she went back to the same sitter after she found out what happened!  What the hell?!  It was like she wanted it to happen again!  

That is inexcusable and unforgiveable!  She doesn't deserve those kids!

So, after all this, I decided that it is best for me and my family to totally extract this person from our lives.  I feel awful that I couldn’t do anything to help her kids, but I can damn sure keep mine safe, happy, and feeling loved.  And one of the best ways I know to do that is to keep people like her out of his life. 

My baby’s well-being is my main priority as a parent.  She should have felt the same way towards her children, but, apparently, she didn’t.  So, she is no longer considered family to me, and I hope to never see her again.  She can rot in hell for all I am concerned.

I, like most parents, will do anything for my child.  Therefore, it certainly isn’t any big deal for me to cut someone out of our lives that I despise wholeheartedly if I think that it is best for him.  So, no.  I don’t think that I am being too harsh or unforgiving.  I am just doing what I think is best for my family.  It is too bad that in cutting her out of our lives I have to cut out her children that I adore as well, but if that is what has to be done to keep the little man safe and happy so be it.   I’ll do it with a clear conscience and have done.

 I’m not a perfect parent, and I realize this.  But, like you, I still have to do what I feel is right for my family even if I am confused as to what is right.  Fortunately, in this instance the decision was easy because I was positive on what was the correct path to take.  It was like I had GPS guiding me or something.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Relationship Advice...From a Parenting Mag?

I have learned a very valuable life lesson.  

Never take marriage advice from a parenting magazine no matter how great it seems to be!

Well, that's true for me anyway.

On Wednesday we received the June’s edition of one of our parenting magazine subscriptions, and boy was I excited!  Sure, I may be being a little sarcastic, but not all that much.  I genuinely enjoy reading some of the articles and I really enjoy the recipes that I get off of these magazines even if they are a little expensive sometimes.   But, recipes are made to be altered right?

Anyway, as I was flipping through the articles in this magazine I came across one that caught my eye.  It was entitled, “Help Your Marriage Survive Parenthood.”  As I read this article I became deeply troubled.  You see, the author started out by telling how she was unhappy with her marriage and how she was jealous of other women and had wished she had married a man that was more like theirs.  That got me worried.  

Does my wife feel like that?  

Does my wife tell others  that “she would rather clean the toilet than bed down with [me]?”

Would she tell me if she felt that way?

You see, I think that my marriage is the happiest it could be. At least I couldn’t be happier with it, but if my wife isn’t I need to do something about it.  

But, what? 

Well, I decided to finish the article and try some of this lady’s suggestions, which was a mistake.  First of all, “interviewing” my friends about their romantic lives with their spouses was a bad idea.  The quickest way to irritate my wife is to spread our “business” around our friend network because sure enough phone calls start flying and pretty soon everyone in the neighborhood starts thinking that something is wrong, and, then, the inevitable phone call from my mother happens asking if everything is alright.  


Well, so far it hasn’t gone that far, but I know all too well that it might. 

The other problem with chatting up my friends about their sex lives and asking their advice on how to spice up ours is that it quickly becomes a joke.  You know how guys are.  Well, my guy friends are no different, and their wives think it is just as funny too, so I am convinced that it isn’t just a “guy thing.” But, maybe I approached the subject wrong.  Either way I am not going to try it again.  It just leaves me feeling embarrassed and emasculated. 

I also read in that article that the author stopped feeling “sexy” and beautiful since the arrival of her children.  I got the sense that she stopped thinking of herself as a woman and only as a mother.  Well, she as much said it, but, anyway, I was thinking that maybe my wife felt like that too. 

I should have asked.

Now, this thought really bothered me.  I think my wife is just as attractive and beautiful as ever.  To be honest with you, I think she is even more so since the arrival of our son.  But, again, if she didn’t feel that way then it is my job as her husband to make her realize it.  

Isn't it?  

So, I went about trying to make her feel attractive and beautiful the same ways that this lady’s husband went about making her feel good about her looks.  I whistled at her when she walked by, I tweaked her little bottom when she bent over,  I didn’t call her “Hot Mama,” but I call her my sweet little Honey Bear.  Maybe, I thought, the key is to make a fuss over her appearance like the author's husband does now. 

Well, as it turns out, all I did was make her angry when I tried all this, excluding calling her my sweet little honey bear.  The whistling was mega irritating.  Tweaking her bottom made her angry with me.  And, when I made a fuss about her appearance she said, “What, you don’t find me attractive usually?  You know I have had a little body living inside of me right?  You do realize that there is more to me than my looks right?  If you have a problem with my appearance then that is your problem.  I can’t help that my body has that lived in look!”

Uh oh!

It appears I screwed up royally!  

How did this happen when I was only trying to make her feel great about herself and let her know that I still coveted her as much as when we were first dating, if not even more so?

It turns out that all I had to do was tell my wife what I was thinking and about what I was worried about.  After I read her the article, she shared a tremendous laugh with me and told me that it was crap and that I had nothing to worry about.  

So, I learned to never take relationship advice from a parenting magazine again even if I did get kudos for trying.  I got all freaked out for nothing. 

I think it is time to stop this magazine subscription it is always getting me into trouble.