Hiding

For those of you who use Facebook, you know that they do this thing called "time hop" where they put a picture you posted on your news feed from that day a few years ago.  

Well, they posted this picture I posted in 2011 after a trip we took to Gettysburg to visit some awesome friends, and it made me start to really feel nostalgic and think about how much I love being a daddy.

I came to the conclusion that one of the best things about being a parent is watching your children grow and learn and become independent little people. That is also one of the worst things.  

I vacillate from day to day thinking while looking at my babies either "If you were just a bit older" or "If only you were littler again" or "I wish you could stay like this forever," and the whole pre-k graduation thing was terribly tough on me in this respect, and I suspect there will be even tougher days yet to look forward to.

The little dobbers came out with their little caps on their heads that they made from construction paper, and right away my heart started skipping beats and my throat started aching and sure enough a few tears carrying a hundred different emotions arrived soon after.  I tried my best to hide them, but I am not sure how successful I was, and I don't know if it qualifies as a success even if I did hide them well.

At least, I wasn't the only emotional one there.  A few of the moms were proudly sporting their beautiful tears too, and I was jealous of their strength. They showed no fear or shame like me. They managed to make it look dignified.  I, however, could never pull that off, so I was stuck trying to hide until I was in the safety of solitude.

Then, I could safely show my emotions where no one could see but me.

Since then, I have spent my days trying to fill the summer with one fun activity after another trying to make the most of summer because soon enough it will be fall again and the Pizzmeister will be spending his full days in big boy school, which I am totally not ready for.

I adore my boys, and I am so lucky to be able to spend my days with both of them playing and learning and exploring together. The thought of that changing is a bit overwhelming and significant because all too soon both of my little buddies will be in school and I will be forced to play a more passive supporting role as they take steps further and further away from me and towards becoming the amazing people I know they are and will be.   

I wouldn't have it any other way.

But, that doesn't mean I have to like it.