Thursday, November 8, 2012

Another of My Dirty Little Secrets

Troll: (As defined by urban

1a. Noun
One who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument.

1b. Noun
A person who, on a message forum of some type, attacks and flames other members of the forum for any of a number of reasons such as rank, previous disagreements, sex, status, ect.
A troll usually flames threads without staying on topic, unlike a "Flamer" who flames a thread because he/she disagrees with the content of the thread.

1c. Noun
A member of an internet forum who continually harangues and harasses others. Someone with nothing worthwhile to add to a certain conversation, but rather continually threadjacks or changes the subject, as well as thinks every member of the forum is talking about them and only them. Trolls often go by multiple names to circumvent getting banned. 

One of the things that I have learned about myself over the years is that I like to fight; not physically, but verbally.  It's my way of keeping sharp-ish.

I like to cross intellectual swords with people.

I like to rile people up.

I like to play the devil's advocate regardless of what I really think just to see how you will react.

Sometimes, I'll even go as far as to research a subject just so I can present an opposing viewpoint to yours.  It doesn't matter if the subject actually matters to me or not.  I don't have to have a vested interest in anything to argue about it.  In fact, it's better if i don't because it gives me a chance to learn much more than I would otherwise.

The internet is awesome for people like me.  There are endless possibilities for verbal combat, especially with the political sites.  

They're like crack to me.

Anyway, Mama Bear accuses me of being a troll, but I'm not really.  I don't name call or change the subject or anything like that.  

I try my very best to be civil, polite, and fight fair.  My aim is to have a semi-intelligent conversation with people or at the very least cause my adversary to resort to petty name calling or other such junior high taunting techniques.  Then I move on to the next discussion until the kiddos wake up or I have to start dinner or clean up something.

Now, the question is "Why do I do it?"

I don't know really.

I guess that there are few reasons why.  Firstly, it is a cheaper way to vent out some of my daily frustrations than beer.  Being stuck in a house filled with little maniacs is sometimes quite frustrating, and instead of taking it out on them I wait patiently for them to fall asleep and then search threw the various news articles to find one that likely has a lot of comments and then throw my 2 cents in. By the time the rugrats wake up I am fortified and ready for more shenanigans.

Secondly, I feel like my mind is slipping.  Much of the time, because of my disease, I feel a little hazy and confused and forgetful, and this frightens me.  I want desperately to stay sharp, honed, and focused.  I am constantly afraid I am losing what little intellectual ability that I have, so I read a lot.  I try my best to inform myself on random topics, and then see what other people are thinking and try to debate them or argue with them or converse with them whatever you want to call it, believing that this is good for my feeble brain.

Unfortunately, I am not very good with intellectual discussions, but I am hoping that with practice I will get better.  My goal is to  eventually be able to think on my feet instead of stumbling with word choices and jumbled thought processes like I do now. 

I just want to be quick thinking and smart like Mama Bear. 

I'll get there...maybe....probably not.

Lastly, and most importantly, the reason I start shit on the internet in random discussion forums is so I can have a happier less combative relationship with my family.    

I find it actually helps my marriage to stay happy and healthy if I argue with random people on the internet because I will get it out of my system before Mama Bear comes home.  

Then, when she comes through the door I don't pick on her as much and try to rile her up with whatever topic comes to mind.  She doesn't need me hassling her like that, and it's just way nicer for me to be on her side than vice versa, and there are two reasons for this.

1. She doesn't like to argue and debate like I do.  It's just not her thing.

2.  I can never win an argument or debate with Mama Bear.  It's simply not possible!  She's just too damn smart and quick witted for me.  It's not a fair fight, and it sucks to always be on the losing side.  

Therefore, I should stick with the news and political sites that I visit.

Also, it is harder to fight fair with your spouse than it is with some random person.  Once you start fighting dirty things start to spin out of control rather quickly, and, before you know it, what started out as a fun, lively discussion turns into a horrible, neighbors calling the cops on you, obnoxiously loud argument.

That's no good for anybody.

So there it is.  Another one of my dirty little secrets.  What's one of yours?


  1. I'm right there with you, being home with toddlers can make you feel like you are loosing your ability to communicate and think like an adult. I follow pages like " I F@#$ing love science just so I can feel like my mind is being stimulated and I can comment and debate with others about things a little more challenging than Toopy&Binoo Vs. Max and Ruby.

    1. What's the worst about staying home is watching the same movies or being forced to read the same books over and over and over and over and over again. Sometimes, I feel like a prisoner with captors who get some sort of perverse pleasure out of tormenting me with children's programming and literature!

    2. I caught myself singing Zipity Doo Dah and the Bubble Guppies theme song yesterday. I realized how much I actually miss the days of getting an overplayed song on the radio stuck in my head. lol

  2. I like to eat olives. Right from the can. Is that a dirty secret?

    1. Eew...That is definitely a dirty little secret! :)

      Psst...I do that too, and I also tell my poor little ones that they are grapes to trick them into eating them. It works every time!

  3. FYI: The police have never been called on us. And My beloved is no slouch in the brain department. My dirty little secret is I steal candy from the kiddos stash when they aren't looking.

    1. Thief! Just see if we the boys and I make you delicious delicious peanut butter fudge ever again!

      P.s. You should really start signing your comments with Mama Bear or something! It makes me feel all weirded-ed-ed-ed-ed-ed out and stuff when you sign your comments as anonymous. I never can be really sure if it is you or not and it makes me feel all cheaty and gross!