Over the weekend I received an e-mail from a reader, yes I know it is like Wednesday or something, but I don't have the time I used to have to just sit around and play on the computer despite what Mama Bear says I do.
Anyway, I got this e-mail and was elated that it wasn't hate mail, and then I was immediately disturbed that this guy was asking for advice...from me!
What the hell?!
Poor guy should know better than to ask me anything based on the sole fact that I am a huge jerk and would willingly give him bad advice just because I thought it would be hilarious.
Sorry! I can't help it!
Well, this guy asked me how I kept my marriage so strong, and how Mama Bear and I balanced everything. Then he proceeded to tell me that Mama Bear and I had the bestest marriage of anyone he knows, and that he needed help, quick.
OK. First of all, I told this guy that he doesn't in fact know me, and has never met me, but I was flattered that he thought he did. I think.
Secondly, I asked him if he was stalking me.
See. I'm a jerk. Can't help it.
Anyway, I then proceeded to tell him that any relationship involves an incredible amount of maintenance, and that different people need different things from them.
I also told him that I was the worst person ever to give advice because I willingly admit that I am an ass and that I have this obscene proclivity for being mean just for the sake of it, mistakenly thinking that I am being humorous.
It's true. Ask Mama Bear. I am probably the hardest person to live with in the world. I say horrible things. I am selfish. I'm uncouth. I'm an unabashed ork-hole.
In other words, I am pretty much the worse person ever.
Then I decided to spew all of the crappy advice I have ever received about maintaining a healthy relationship with your spouse, but thought better of it at the last moment.
Instead, I told him to remember a few words.
Those words being, "You're not perfect!"
There isn't a whole helluva lot that you can do to make other people change how they act, but you certainly have the power to change how you interact with others. Let's face it! None of us are perfect humans. There is always something that we can do better or something that we wish we could change about ourselves.
Me? I want to be nicer. I'd like to be a better listener. It would be cool if I weren't as selfish. I'd love to be more open, being able to say what I mean easily. I wish I was more empathetic.
All in all, I'd just like to be a better husband, father, and person.
Now, I recognize that Mama Bear isn't perfect either, but she is pretty close to it in my eyes. And, she deserves a better man than I am currently, so I have some work to do.
She's worth it...and, so am I!
I have yet to become the man I want to be, and I owe it to myself to continue trying to be that guy. I owe it to Mama Bear too to try and become that husband she deserves.
So, Daryl, my marital advice to you is to "Remember that you're not perfect!" Recognize your faults. Own up to them. Do your damnedest to correct them.
You may not be able to do it all on your own, and it may be hard, but you owe it to yourself and your family to try and become the person you want to be.