Tuesday, July 24, 2012

So, You Want to See My Baby? Here Are some Rules to Follow.

Well, ever since Two-zy popped out I have been noticing that there a lot of people who aren't necessarily all that thoughtful.

I mean, we go out and about for a nice family shopping trip, and it seems like that opens us up for all sorts of asinine questions by total strangers.

"Is that You're baby?"

"Does this one and that one have the same father?"

"Did you circumcise him?"

"Does the older one know about the younger one yet?"  (note: the lame-o asked this while Pizzly was petting Two-zy and telling him that he loved him very much)

"Does the older one love the younger one?"

I am sure that I am going to hear many more stupid and personal questions as the boys get older.  I just wish that people showed a little more courtesy before they approached the kids.

Maybe it is just me, but it seems like these days no one thinks about anything anymore.  You shouldn't have to make up a list of rules for people to follow before they can see your brats, but apparently you really do.

So, here it goes:

So You Want to See My Baby?

1.) This is a big one, and a no brainer.  Well, at least I thought it was.  Don't bring something for the baby and not for the "Big Boy!"

Seriously, who does that?

It's not only an assholish thing to do, but it seriously undermines the older sibling's need to be reassured that they are still important and just as loved as ever.  They need to feel secure.  This is a helluva big change for them, and they need to know that it is a change for the better.  The quickest way to let them know that that is not the case is to come bearing gifts for the baby and not them.

So, please don't be that dick that leaves the older children out.  If you're bringing presents for the baby please make sure to give something to the others too or just don't bring anything at all.


I can't believe how many people think it is perfectly fine to come visiting a newborn while they are hacking their lungs up or have just finished playing nurse-maid to some other sick person.  

Seriously, if you are sick or have been near another sick person just stay the hell away from my baby.  If we have plans break them.  It's not hard to give us a call to say "Sorry, dude I might be coming down with something," or "I just spent the last few hours hanging out with a sick person, so I probably should cancel for today."

It's just plain old common courtesy to not bring your plague to my baby!  Once they get to be a little older it is a different story, but, until then, back off.

3.) Don't Smoke around my kid, and if you stink like smoke don't come near my kid...or me for that matter.

It really frustrates the hell out of me when people think it is perfectly acceptable to smoke around children because IT'S NOT!  

In fact, it is so not cool that there are even little warning labels on the boxes telling you it's not okay to smoke around kiddos or while preggers or at all.

I don't care if you want to poison your own lungs and give yourself cancer, but I sure as hell care if you do the same to my kid. And, don't go blatting to me about your rights being violated by smoking being banned in public areas because I don't care.  Smoking has been proven to be harmful to more than just the smoker, and you have no right to endanger anyone else because you want to do it.

Yes, smoking is harmful to you and to others around you, and you know it.  When smoking stops being harmful to anyone then we can talk about your rights.

Until then, do everyone a big favor and leave your cigarettes at home when you know you'll be somewhere where there are going to be kids i.e. a kids birthday party or the park!

Please, don't be the ass that smokes around other people's kids!

4.) Keep your opinions about what we do with our kids to yourself.

I am sure you value your opinion highly, but I don't.  I don't care what you think about our name choice.  I don't care what you think about circumcision or breast feeding or potty training or co-sleeping or anything really.

Mama Bear and I will do what we feel is best, and the bottom line is unless you are the parent, your opinion doesn't matter, and that goes for grandparents too.  I'm sorry it's not your call.  Mama Bear and I call the shots. 

Sorry, that is just how it goes, so unless you don't mind being asked to leave or ignored just keep your opinions to yourself.  New parents need support not to be judged or harassed.

5.)  Feel free to leave sooner rather than later.

I know it is hard for some people to leave a house where there is a newborn, but please do.  You don't really want to be that obnoxious guy who never leaves do you?

Of course not, so feel free to take off soon after you show up because chances our the people with the newborn will appreciate not having to entertain you while they are working on 3-5 hours of sleep.

It's not that we don't like you.  We just like you better from afar right now.

6.) Call before you show up (this includes hospital visits)

I absolutely hate it when people just show up because chances are we are either in the middle of doing something or napping, or trying to get the kids down to nap or eat when some asshole decides to pop in for a visit.

A little prep time is always nice to have.  It is just good manners in my book.

And remember, when a newborn is involved the parents might not be up for entertaining guests and would be seriously pissed if you just popped in to say hi.  This applies even when they are at the hospital because chances are Mama is her tiredest and Daddy is a little more tired than usual too and neither are in the mood to have a continual stream of visitors, especially visitors that just pop in or ones that we know are coming but they refuse to leave. 

Please please please please please remember that Mama is tired and needs her rest.


  1. Love your rules. I think they need to be pinned to the front door with a note that says you can't come in until you've read them, and that there will be a quiz to make sure you read them thoroughly.

    1. hehe!! I might do that. So far all I have done is print them out and mail them to those who break them the most, But the quiz thing is a good idea!