Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Things I Think but Don't Necessarily Say

Since I ranted a little bit yesterday about an article that claimed that the author new what men thought but would never say, I thought that today I would tell you all about things that I think but don't necessarily say.

Yes, I do know that Mama Bear will read this and that may mean bad things for me, but I am going to attempt to keep it real for a moment or two.

Remember this is just me...I don't even pretend to know what other guys are thinking.

What I Think but Don't Necessarily Say

5.) Tattoos are Wicked cool especially on women:

Maybe it stems from my childhood or something, but I have always found that kind of body art fascinating, and I have always had a soft spot in my heart for women who sport a little ink.

Not sure why though.

Don't get me wrong here. I think my non-tattooed wife is the hottest woman on the planet, and I love her to death and wouldn't want her to change for anything. 

I just think that tats are cool, and I think that it's wicked cool when women have them. (Note: That this doesn't apply to the ubiquitous lower mid back tattoos that many women have. Those are cool too, but no where near as cool as an arm tat or a leg tat or something.)

What can I say? 

I am a sucker for rebels, and that is what tattoos symbolize to me.

Rebellion. A big "F-U" to the man!

I love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it!!!

4.) My wife is the Hottest and smartest woman on the planet: 

Yeah, I am one of those crappy husbands that doesn't tell his wife how much she means to me and takes her for granted. 

But, I honestly do think that Mama Bear is wicked smart and beautiful, and I am so proud to be married to her. Yet, I hardly ever tell her so.

In, fact I may never have told her so...That has to change.

I have to change...

What am I doing telling you this and not her?

3.) I really do Care if my son is gay or not, but not for the reasons you think:

Don't hate me too quickly for this, but it's true if only for the fact that our society is so un-accepting of homosexuals and so hateful and hurtful towards them.

In my house, my sons will always be loved for who they are and accepted and valued. They are precious to Mama Bear and I, and they always will be no matter what.

But, what about out there in the rest of the world?

I'd love to always be there to protect them and to help them get back onto their little feet, but I can't.

Eventually, they are going to get hurt when I am not there to help.

Eventually, they are going to get hurt, and I will not be able to kiss their pain away no matter how hard I try.

This terrifies me!

And, it sickens me that in this day and age there are people out there that are so willing to dole out pain to others because of their ignorant prejudices.

I want my boys to be accepted and loved for who they are, not hated. I want them to live without fear of persecution because of their sexual preference, imagined race, ethnicity, gender, sex, etc…

Until my sons can live in a world that will respect and love them and whoever they chose to love as we do at home, I do care.

2.) I am a HUGE fan of "Glee":

For some reason, it is terribly hard to admit that I like that show so much. Maybe it's because it doesn't exactly fit with the whole bogus idea of masculinity I grew up with. 

Who knows?

But, the plain and simple truth is I really like "Glee," and I really wish that it would have came out when I was a teeny bopper. It's about time that something came along that made song and dance popular.

1.) There are time when I feel guilty, terrified, selfish, and just bad in general for wanting to be a daddy so much:

I know this sounds weird but hang with me for moment.

As many of you may know, I have a rare genetic disease that I have been fighting with for years, 22 to be exact. It's one of those pesky Episodic Ataxias.

It's pretty well managed now, but I'll never be cured of it, and I will very likely never get any better or feel any better than I do right now, and that's okay...for me.

I am perfectly alright with having to use a cane for the rest of my life. I am fine with the knowledge that I will always have these pesky muscle twitches, spasms, and cramps. It doesn't really bother me anymore that I can't really feel things as well as I should in my left leg and arm. It's alright with me that I have to concentrate on all of my limbs all of the time, especially when I walk. I don't care anymore that I always feel like crap physically.

Yes, this is all ok because it could be so much worse, and I know that. 

Adjust, adapt, and overcome. That's all you can do.

So, why do I feel so terrible about being a daddy?

Because I am very likely going to pass along this gem of a disease to one of my children, and I knew that before we had them!

What's okay for me is not okay for my kids. I don't want them to have to deal with the humiliation, ridicule, limitations, and pain, mostly emotional, that I had to while growing up.

It sucked!

And, Mama Bear and I had to really think about whether or not we were willing to risk passing my disease along on to one of our kids.

In the end, I wanted my boys too much. 

I wanted to be a daddy too much to not be one.

After all, my disease isn't lethal. It isn't that bad. I mean I'm living with it aren't I?

But, that doesn't mean I won't feel like the biggest jerk in the world on the day I learn that one of my precious boys is sick just like me.

All I can do now, really, is hope that day never comes.

Well, there you have it. Some of the things I think but rarely ever say.

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