Monday, June 4, 2012

Sex Problems? Things I Want to Say but don't? Rubbish!!!

Lately, it seems that there is an influx of sex and relationship advice flooding the various internet "news" sources I frequent.

No.   This doesn't bother me.  I am not that prudish, but I find it odd that basically none of it applies to me or to Mama Bear and I as a couple.  

That makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me/us.

I mean just this morning I read two or three things about why I am not having any good sex lately, and not anywhere in the article does it say, "Face it.  You have a toddler/kids.  These little people make older people tired, which puts things like sex on the low priority list; way below things like coffee and nap time."  

The article also never said that kiddies have some sort of telepathy where they can tell when mommy and daddy are about to do something fun, so they will wake up like their ass is on fire just to be little jerks.

Does the article keep it real and throw things like that in?

Nope!

According to the article, one of us is feeling too much pressure to perform or we're watching too much t.v. or we're bored or depressed or something like that, and that is what is supposedly stopping Mama Bear and I from fornicating like a couple of teenage rabbits.   

I call Shenanigans to that! 

Our sex life is suffering for none of those reasons!  

It's suffering because Mama Bear is all preggers, which I have heard makes one quite tired, and because, like I have already stated, we have a psychic toddler who knows when we are even just thinking about having some fun "grown-up" time, which, of course, means he'll wake up, cling to Mama Bear, and stare me down as if to say, "Not this time buddy!"

Well, after I read that crappy sex article I stupidly clicked on another one, wrongly thinking that this new article would magically not irritate the crap out of me too.

This one was about what husbands supposedly want to tell their wives but don't.  

"Sounds scandalous!  I must to read!" I thought to myself.  (note: in my mind that sounded like cookie monster or Yoda or some sort of amalgamation of the two.)

Apparently, I am supposed to think things like "I want to cuddle" or "I want you to take charge in the Bedroom" or "I am fed up with date night" or whatever.

I don't think any of this.  For real!

When I want to snuggle with Mama Bear I just do, and it quickly turns into a family pile where a little boy is crawling around all over us while we are desperately trying to protect our faces while watching "Nature" or something on the television.

The very thought of asking Mama Bear to take charge in the bedroom makes me giggle!

She can take charge all she wants, but the boy's going to wake up and cock block me anyway.

And, as far as being fed up with date night goes...we don't have one.  We have family nights if anything, which I love.

Mama Bear and I had 10 years of date nights before Pizzly was born.  It was great!  Then we decided we wanted to have a family, so we had Pizzles and soon will have two-zy hanging around too.

Now, we have family nights, and that is way better than date night!

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