Monday, June 11, 2012

Preparing Myself for Frustration.

Ok, so I came to a massive realization this morning...TWO-ZY IS DUE TO ARRIVE IN LESS THAN A MONTH!!!

This is getting exciting!

There is going to be a flopsy newborn hanging around JDD Head Quarters with all sorts of new stuff for me to figure out.  This calls for some preparation and celebration!

Luckily, we've already seen this show before so we know what to expect somewhat.  I am fairly certain I can handle all the logistics of having a newborn around 24-7, but there is one thing I am not sure about.

How am I going to handle all the idiotic questions that so many people have?

Since Pizzly's birth I have learned many things, and one of the most important things that I have learned is that many people are just insane and say wildly inappropriate things that border on idiocy when they are around newborns.  

My theory is they do it just so they can get a closer look, and they feel awkward about politely asking to see the rugrat for some reason.

Why is that?

Why do people find it perfectly acceptable to be so dreadfully annoying about babies when they want to look at the cute little buggers, but find it so shameful to just come out and ask if they can have a look?

And why are these people so much worse when the baby is out and about than when the baby is still chillin' out in the uterus?  

I mean, yes it is lame and vaguely stupid for you to ask a pregnant lady or couple, "So, have you figured out how that happens yet?" but when you compare that statement to "Gee dad!  I don't know! He sure doesn't look like you.  Are you sure he's yours?" I give the lamely asinine award to the latter.

Yes, I know that both of these statement are supposed to be humorous, but they're not funny, clever, cute, or in anyway something that needs to be said.  Statements like this are just plainly annoying and inappropriate. 

If you feel like you need to say something why not say...oh...CONGRATULATIONS! for christ's sake!

Oh, and by the way, yes I have heard both of the above comments numerous times, but only one or two "congrats mom and dad" and those were from family members.  

The whole "Do you Know how that happens?" comment seems to be a favorite of middle aged and elderly people for some reason, and the questioning of who the father is comments are just uncouth, which is why I really only heard it from trashy womanizers or misogynists in general.  Either way it doesn't matter who said it because those comments are always way out of line.

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that I learned when the Pizzmeister still had that new human smell on him that people are just obnoxious around newborns, and when you go out with a little baby you can always count on hearing at least one person say  something stupid like "Where does he get his hair color from?" or "What lovely curls he has where does he get them from?" or my personal favorite "Oh what a cutie!  Is he yours?"

Yeah, the best way to get a daddy to show off his kid to you is to start off by questioning whether or not he is in fact the biological father, and that is pretty much what all these questions sound like to me.

And, I am never sure as to how I am to respond.  

Am I supposed to be offended, grateful for the attention, humored, or what?

Maybe these people just really want to know how genetics work.  In that case, they should "Google" it and leave me alone. 

Luckily, I know now to prepare for the stupid questions, and hopefully it won't be so painfully irritating this time around.

I just wish I had known to prepare for this when Pizzly was new.

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