Friday, May 25, 2012

Figuring Out the Father I Want to Be

One of the things that perplexes me most about being a parent is that there is no sure fire way to to do it right, and no matter how hard you try not to screw up you're going to anyway.

That simply terrifies me!

Well, not really terrify, but you get my point.  I obsess over it and constantly wonder what it is I am screwing up.

I routinely ask myself all these silly questions, like "Am I too permissive?" or "Am I not permissive enough?" or "Do I coddle the boy too much; not enough?"

Blah blah blah.......CRAZY! (My head just exploded) 

Why isn't there someone out there that can tell me how I am supposed to handle this being a daddy thing?

Well, I am sure that there are thousands of people that would love to tell me how I am screwing everything up, but, so far, I haven't found one of them that I cared to listen to because as much as it would be nice to have somebody dictate how I am supposed to act and react to my child in certain situations I also realize that these people have as little knowledge about child rearing as I do, so if they are telling me to do something I am not comfortable with I am not going to listen to them.

On the other hand I am willing to try things that seems sensible to me.

Parenting is all trial and error isn't it?

These little ones all have their own little personalities, and what may work for one parenting wise may not work for any other kid.  

It's crazy!

I may be wrong here but I am guessing that as long as your goal as a parent is to love and support your child and to make them know that you love and support them no matter what while keeping them healthy then you can't be doing too badly.

Mama Bear and I are on the same page here.  It doesn't matter if our boys are wimpy, strong, effeminate, masculine, or whatever.  We are going to love them just the same, and we are going to protect and guide them to the best of our ability without stifling their personalities.

We want them to be who they naturally are.

Now, we obviously aren't going to encourage them to be self-centered, tantrum throwing little bastards because that what toddlers do naturally.  That's clearly unacceptable, but we are going to try to foster in them all the qualities that we would want in ourselves and hope some of it sticks.

Personally, I want my boys to grow into better men than I.  

I want them to be naturally what I have to work so hard to be and repeatedly fail at.  I want them to be kind, courteous, caring, gentle, loving, giving, vocal about their feelings, comfortable in themselves, confident, humble, and most of all happy.

I don't care if they are masculine or manly. 

In fact, I would be just fine with it if they didn't turn out to conform to the current idea of masculinity where a man who recognizes his feelings and can vocalize them is somehow less of a man or where a man who is sensitive is labeled as effeminate and is therefore laughable.

Yes, the world is hard and cruel, and it is my job as a parent to help prepare them for that.  But, that doesn't mean that within these walls my sons have to feel bad or uncomfortable for being who they are.  

Within these walls my boys need not to be embarrassed for crying or for needing a little extra comfort from Mama Bear or I.

No, here in our home our children are supposed to feel comfortable, accepted, and loved.  I want this to be a safe haven free from ridicule and pain.

I don't want to be one of those dads that ridicules his boys and mocks them in an effort to "toughen them up."  That doesn't work. 

All that does is make your kids miserable.

I'd much rather my kids not be miserable because of me.


  1. Love them, hug them and read them Ranger's Apprentice, a book series in which real men, heroes even, show their feelings. :-)

    1. Hmm...Thanks for the heads up. I may have to look up this Ranger's Apprentice series. Do you know the author's name?