Friday, March 2, 2012

A Dietician? Really?!

Well, guess who is going to go and see a dietician on the 14th.

This guy!

Great...I am already self-conscious enough.  I don't need another skinny-minny telling me that I am a great big fatty and that I eat too much.  To which I am going to reply, " Really?!  You don't say!"

You know it's not like I am purposely trying to be a big fatty.  I just lose interest in getting fitter and thinner.  It's just easier to eat when you feel peckish, and it is more fun for me to play with the boy than it is to have a strict exercise schedule.

Once, you make exercise a mandatory part of your day it becomes tedious.  Well, it does for me anyway.

But, that has to change I guess.

Now, I am going to try and take it more seriously because my Neurologist said something to me that I constantly worry about anyway.

"You want to be able to play with your kids don't you?"  Well, she said more than that, but that doesn't matter.  This is what stuck in my brain because the seed has already been planted a long time ago, and I was the gardener.

Of course I want to be able to play with my kids, but there is more to it then me simply exercising and not eating.  I could be a 160 pounds, like I am told I am supposed to weigh, and exercise every day, and I would still feel weak because the fact of the matter is; I am sick, and I am never going to get better.

That's a hard pill for me to swallow, but it's also the truth I have to live with.

Right around the time when the Pizzmeister was born I decided that I could stave off this being weaker thing with exercise.  I honestly tried, and yeah I lost weight while I was at it; not much, but it was something. 

But, no matter how much I exercised I still felt weak, and if anything I felt worse than before, so I gave it up only to try again a few months ago, maybe six, and failed once more.

The cold hard truth is that it made me feel worse than ever, and not because I was sore or fatigued from it. 

I have a genetic disease.

My legs twitched uncontrollably, my hands and arms twitched and shook so I could barely hold a pencil let alone write with it, and I was afraid terrified that if I kept it up I really wouldn't be able to play with my son let alone watch him and take care of him.

My wife likes to claim that I pushed myself too hard, but to be honest with you I can't tell if that's true or not.  

I feel so weak most of the time anyway that I can't tell if I am getting too fatigued until it is too late, and I can't tell when my disease is going to take over because it is episodic and arbitrary.

One day I can ride my pathetic little excersize bike for half an hour with no problems, and the next day after five minutes my twitches act up so much that I can't get my left leg to do what what I want anymore or I get dizzy or confused and generally uncoordinated.

Yeah, once that happens I am pretty much useless.  I'm on my bum sliding down the stairs because for the life of me I can't get keep it together long enough to safely get down the stairs.  

How am I supposed to take care of the boy like that?

That answer is simple.

Anyway, since I gave up any excersize "regiment" that I had I have been feeling relatively great, but I have also gained a crap load of weight, and the neuro said I have to be mindful that I don't get too weak, which is extra heart breaking since I feel so strong and good in comparison to how I've felt in the past. 

I mean just the other day Pizzly and I took a 4 mile hike, of which I carried him for 2 miles, and I felt fine.  No problems whatsoever, but apparently that doesn't mean anything. 

Apparently, I can't rely on an active lifestyle to keep me strong enough to keep me on my feet.


She suggested using my bike 2 minutes a day for a week and then upping it 2 more minutes a day for the next week and so on and strength training is out of the question.

Yeah...the bike thing is not going to happen; not because I am lazy, but because, truthfully, I am afraid, and that is really hard for me to admit because I love it too.

Cycling used to be one of my favorite past times.  Then, I started getting sicker.  My balance was off, my coordination got poorer, and to top it all off I never knew when enough was enough or if that mattered at all because I can't tell when my legs are tired, and I certainly can't tell you when my twitches and tremors are going to come and go or when my disease is going to act up.

Like I said.  It's all so gaddamn arbitrary!

It just happens when it happens, and I have no say over it at all.

So, biking, whether stationary or not, is out of the question, but I didn't tell her this.  I don't know why I didn't.  Maybe because I felt like my manliness was at stake or maybe I am tired of facing up to how limited I am physically or something.

It doesn't matter.

Anyway, now I am trying something different.  The Wii fit Plus, which really isn't like excersizing at all but more like playing a video game with the boy.

We'll see how it goes.  If I get sick at least I'll be down stairs where everything is.  That's a major plus. 

If playing with the Wii Fit Plus doesn't work I think my next thing to try is swimming or dreadful water aerobics! 


Maybe this dietician will actually help.  Well, they can only help if I keep an open mind about it right?

I won't promise to try, but I will try to try.

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