Monday, March 19, 2012

14 Steps To Fix My Laptop

So, on Friday I realized just how technologically un-advanced I really am, and boy was it embarrassing!  

I even had to speak with a snotty tech guy in India named Frank whose accent was so thick I had to ask him to e-mail me the response and what I was to do.  I really felt awful asking him to do that, but, hey, I needed answers before I flipped my poop.

Here's what happened.

I somehow magically managed to lock the smart pad and keyboard on the new laptop.  I couldn't do anything with it at all, and, boy, was it frustrating the hell out of me.

Naturally, since I didn't realize that it was something that I had done by accident, I thought that the computer was malfunctioning.  Of course, when you try to reach tech services it is all on the net and they offer no phone numbers, and the reason they don't offer a phone number is because when you call them there is a very real possibility that they won't be able to speak your language.  

After all, these computers are sold all around the world.

Anyway, after monkeying about for a few hours I finally was fed up.  I was on an online chat forum with some tech guy who wouldn't help me because he didn't recognize the serial number that came with the laptop, but he was nice enough to give me a phone number to call.

I called it.

Frank answered and was talking about "callshoops," and who I was "wanting" to win.  It took me awhile, but I figured out that he was talking about basketball, which I have no interest in, so I told him Syracuse was going to win.  

He agreed.

So, after exchanging the pleasantries, I explained what the problem was.  His response was rather long, and very hard to follow, and, honestly, I only understood about 1 word in every three.  

But, I was reassured when Frank said that the computer wasn't broken and it was simple to get the keyboard and smart pad back up and operational.

Unfortunately, the simple remedy to my problem wasn't all that simple to understand.  What made it so hard for me was the fact that the guy explaining it to me was using technical jargon, which I don't understand to begin with, and he was using this type of speech in a heavy accent.  

So, I asked him if he could e-mail me the procedure, and I covered this up my saying it seemed to be kind of lengthy and I didn't want to miss any steps and have to call him back.  

Frank thought that was a great idea.  Must be he was tired of explaining simple things to me. 

What I got in my inbox was a series of steps, which seem a bit absurd and don't seem to be what he was telling me at all on the phone, but I followed them and now the computer is working, so who cares?

1.) Turn off computer.
2.) Unplug computer
3.) place computer bottom side  up
4.) locate battery
5.) remove battery
6.) replace laptop in upright position while battery is out
7.) hold power button down while tapping four corners of smart pad
8.) return laptop upside down
9.) replace battery
10.) replace computer right side up
11.) turn on computer
12.) hold down ctrl, fn, and f6 keys simultaneously for 3 seconds
13.) hold fn key while tapping four corners of smart pad
14.) Press and hold fn key and f6 key for 2 seconds
15.) release keys and resume using your computer

Holy cow!  Was all this necessary, or was Frank screwing with me?

I bet he was just screwing with me, but at least I can use the laptop again, so I am alright with it if he was.

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