Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Beware of Advice Givers! They may be Effing with You!

Mama Bear came home yesterday and tried to burst my bubble.  Apparently, she wanted to go over my quiz yesterday to see how I answered.  It is just her way of keeping me in check so I don't get all superior and stuff.

So, I told her what I answered, and amazingly I won the game I didn't know I was playing because she agreed, I think, with all my answers.

No they weren't what I was supposed to do, but they were what I in fact did.  Then I made sure to point out the answers that came straight from the tips for dads that I found in her parenting book.  She told me that I had better not follow anything that that book says because nothing but bad would come from it.  And, she said that if I ever asked her OB what kind of excersizes she and I could do together so she could look and feel better about herself, it would mean certain death for me.

Yes, that's right.  

Mama Bear's pregnancy book suggested that dad's to be agree with their wives when they say that they are "Fat, bloated, and gross."  And, whats more, her book suggests that dads to be not only agree, because you should always agree with a pregnant woman, but the book also said that us dads should insist that our pregnant wives get up and exercize with us.  And, we are supposed to ask her doctor what specific excersizes our wives should focus on to fix their "problem" areas.

Yeah...not going to happen.

Any dad to be knows better than to go there...I hope. 

I mean it's ludicrous!  Right?

"But, what are us dads to be supposed to do?  How are we going to know how to respond to situations without having someone tell us?" you may be asking.

Sadly enough, we are just going to have to rely on our own noggins and maybe each other...maybe.

Yes, I know that this is going to involve some trial and error and a lot of work, but it will be worth it.

So, put down the parenting books and magazines and start thinking for yourself.

For instance:

Honey do I look fatter or is the baby starting to show = trick question.  There is no right answer.  You can say "No you don't look fat at all." but she will not believe that or she'll say something like "Oh man.  Then the baby is showing, and I don't want to tell people yet!"

Or, you can say "Nah. You're not showing yet." Implying, that she doesn't look any different than ever, but then she'll assume that you are calling her fat, and a fight will ensue.

Or, you can just outright say "You don't look any different than last month before you were pregnant."  But, then she'll assume that something is wrong with the baby and flip out, or she will assume again that you are calling her a fatty.

Or you can tell her how beautiful she is, and this might work, but not always or even usually in my case.  If it doesn't work it's because she thinks that you are lying to her so as to not hurt her feelings.  Now, you have some 'splaining to do!

See? There really is just no right answer for this type of question, so I usually pretend I didn't hear it and move on to another topic of conversation, but, sadly, that doesn't work most of the time either.

So, that leaves me guessing what she wants to hear and spouting it out, hoping I was right.

If I was to follow the book's advice and tell her that "yes she has gained weight but it's for the baby, so it's ok." then I would probably wake up dead!

Yeah, the "advice" may sound reasonable, but it is also just a douchey thing to say to a pregnant lady who already feels bad about her appearance.  No one wants to be told that they are getting fatter.

That, and it's also kind of demeaning because saying that to her implies that she didn't already know that she was going to gain weight for the baby, meaning you think she is stupid!

So, you will never hear anything like that come out of my mouth despite the fact that it was written down in a pregnancy book for me to read by an award winning author.

Here's another trap that may come up that the book covered.

Honey look at her.  Isn't she pretty? = No.  The answer is always no, especially when she is pregnant and asking you.  The only other option is to say that you didn't notice, or don't know whom she is talking about.  If you say yes, nothing good will come of it. 

Sure, I am aware that there are a lot of women that point out other women to their partners and claim that it doesn't bother them when the man agrees, but, more often than not, it's a test.  And, if you fail this test, you are going to pay.
But, my wife's book would have me believe that I am supposed to agree and say "Yes.  That woman is very attractive!" 

Then this book goes on to say how a dad to be should be in agreement with the mom to be over mundane things because she is under a lot of stress.  Yeah, I agree with that, but using this as an example is terrible.  Never in a million years is it a good idea for me to agree with my wife that some other woman is attractive!  It's just not going to work out in my favor especially when my wife is pregnant!

If you think it's a trap, chances are it is, so be careful!

There.  That's my advice for all us dads to be.  We should all use our noggins just a little bit more.  We don't need any stupid pregnancy books or magazines to tell us how to behave during our wife's pregnancy.  We just need to dust off our brains and use some good ole' common sense.

Yeah...I know.

That's something that we're seriously lacking as a society, not just for men, but for everyone around here, but the more we try the better we will get. 

Here's a recap:  Beware of people who give you advice.  You never know when they are just effing with you! 

1 comment:

  1. As a Mum to 5, can I suggest a foot rub, shoulder massage or draw a bubble bath for her( something that she likes). Tell her she looks like what you always hoped the mother of your children would look like,,,,, tell her how you feel about her. The two of you have made one fab baby already and seem to have a very good relationship, believe me a woman knows what she looks like. She wants to feel secure that her partner loves her, fancies her, needs her etc. Follow your heart, you'll be great and as for the penile enhancement.....well your equipment seems to be working just great as it is!!Lol!:)