Monday, December 5, 2011

Christmas Lights!!! I hate you!

My wife and Pizzly Decorated the Tree.
It looks so nice because I had
 nothing to do with it!
The very worst part of Christmas is decorating for it.

I hates it!  I hates it!  I HATES IT!

It wouldn't be nearly as bad if I didn't suck at it or if somehow all the cords didn't get tied into knots since the last time I got the ornaments and annoying lights out.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking.  I should organize them better and not just toss them in the box and leave them for a year and then expect them to be ready to go when I want them.

Well, I'll tell you what. Every year on Dec. 26th my wife and I spend hours putting the lights away, trying to ensure that next year's decorating process will go easier, and, sure enough, some how, no matter how hard we try, all the lights and extension cords and trees and reindeer and candy canes get knotted together.  And, sure enough, every year we go through this, and every year I get frustrated and decide that I hate Christmas all over again.

Then, doubtlessly, I'll finish the decorating and everything will change for a while.  I'll actually start to feel a little Christmassy!

I'll look forward to shopping for gifts.  I'll have a Christmas carol playing over and over again in my head, and I'll have a little extra bounce in my step.  

In other words, I'll feel like the big man in red himself!

Usually this euphoric feeling lasts for a few weeks or so, and I was looking forward to having that feeling this year too. 

But, as of yet, I still feel all grinchy!

You see, yesterday I thought I had finished the lights and decorations outside, and I was feeling pretty good about this whole Christmas thing.  I mean the Reindeer were in the front with the candy canes and tiny Christmas trees, my caroling Snowmen were singing and swaying, the light up train was lit and ready to go, and the icicle lights were up and looking snazzy.  

I thought I had it all set, so I went inside singing "Santa Clause is coming to Town" and grabbed Pizzly so he could come out and witness our beautiful lights.

He loved it!

After a few minutes of "oohing and awing", we went inside.  About an hour later I looked outside and noticed something strange.  

None of the icicle lights or colorful light strands were working!  

"MURTHER FERKIN' LIGHTS!" I screamed in my head while I went outside to check them.

For the life of me, I can't figure out what went wrong.  The cords were still plugged in,  the circuit breaker wasn't tripped, the extension cords were getting power, and I checked the fuses and they were fine, so what's the deal?

Now, there's only one thing left to do.  I have to check each bulb on every light strand.   Man, I swear there's about 3,000 bulbs to check...maybe more.  This has officially stopped being a good time. 

Gad I hate Christmas Lights!

P.s.  When/If I get everything working again I might throw some pics up, but right now I am too humiliated to do so. 

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