Monday, November 14, 2011

Oops! There Goes My Man Card!

Yes.  There it goes floating away in the brisk autumn breezes.  Good bye Man card!  I may or may not miss you, but I am a little confused on how you ended up with my less than two year old son.

Is it the black eye?

Yeah...Pizzly looks all tough and stuff with his black eye, which he got from a dangerous encounter with our couch...I guess, but does that really make him manly?  

He's only a toddler for christ's sake!  Does he really need to be manly?

No. Of Course not!  I find the very idea ludicrous!

"Wait, how did Pizzly Black his eye?" you ask. 

He was running like his little buns were on fire and decided to dive face first into the arm rest of our couch.  Then, he decided that that was fun and did it again one more time before I could stop him.  The maniac didn't even care that he hurt himself, but boy was he angry that I stopped the fun!

Ok?  So what does that have to do with my man card being revoked and given to him?  

Well, I am not sure exactly how it happened, but the consensus at the local hardware store is that Pizzly is more manly, and I am decidedly less so!  

That's okay because, to be frank, I am pretty proud and surprised that I have been able to keep up this manly facade as long as I did anyhow.  After all, anyone that knows me will tell you that despite my rugged good looks I am not much of a manly man and never have been nor will be.

I'm a weepy, show tune loving, "Glee" watching, love to sing and would love to be able to dance, kind of guy.  I guess that makes me unmanly or shameless or something!

Pizzly is a black eye having, truck loving, maniacal sort of guy who is fearless and has no self-preservation reflex because up until now, we have never let him hurt himself beyond a bruised knee or something, sort of guy.  I guess by general consensus, this makes him all manly and stuff! 

But, even so, I don't know exactly when my "Man" card was officially taken from me and redistributed to Pizzly.  I am going to assume it was a recent thing for the time being because I hadn't noticed that my "Man" card had been missing and could be found on the Pizmeister until this morning.  

That's what I am telling myself anyway although I have noticed other guys and women giving me weird looks as I did my best to sing and skip through the aisles of my local hardware store.

Okay...So, I never really skipped through the aisles of any store...recently, but I have been known to sing and whistle to myself and my boy while shopping; never thinking that it was perhaps the "unmanliest" thing I could be doing.

And then this morning a clerk at the Hardware store had to open his big "manly" mouth up and make me question my "manliness" and whether or not I was playing my role as a dad the best I could because I was doing something that came naturally to me!

I was singing.

Not only was I singing, but I was singing "Somewhere over the Rainbow," not the Judy Garland version, but the Israel Kamakawiwo'ole version because I think it totally rocks, when this "manly" sales clerk comes up to me and says, "Wow!  I never would've guessed that I'd ever see a man singing 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' to his son in a hardware store of all places.  It kind of makes you wonder."

I didn't ask him what it made him wonder about because I was afraid that the outraged man part of me that was screaming "Stomp this sneering, freckled frat boy's ass out!" would win out over the more sensible Dad part of me that was calmly saying, "Just walk away and pretend this never happened."

Honestly, I was torn for a moment, but then my good sense won out, so I walked away choosing to ignore the punk.  

Then at the check out the cashier looked at Pizzly and his shiner and said, "Oh look at you looking so manly with your black eye!"  Then she proceeded to ooh and ah over him while asking me how it happened saying how brave and courageous he was all the while.  

That's when I realized that my "Man" card was revoked and given to the boy in my stead, which makes me kind of sad.

It makes me sad because I hate how a person's proclivity for violence translates into manliness, and I hate that having a dangerous "air" about a person makes them seem manlier, and, above all, I hate that there are people who are willing to see such "manliness" in a toddler because he has a black eye from face planting into an armrest of a couch and didn't cry about it.

What does that say about our society?

I don't know, but  I'd rather be a Dad than a "man" any day!

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