Friday, September 30, 2011

Uh....What Now?

I have heard plenty of strange things in my life, and I people have asked me some pretty weird questions, but one odd question above all is popping up more and more frequently.

And, that question is...

"Can I touch it?"

It's not as bad as it sounds.  It is in reference to my beard, but even so it is a weird request.

The last time I heard this was at a hardware store while I was shopping for supplies.  I was looking through the nails and what not when a youngish woman came up to me.  She was one of the dreaded "Desperate Housewife" moms at the park.  You know.  The moms who bring their own chairs to the park and boxed wine.  

Anyway, she and her daughter just kind of stared at me for a moment, which I thought was odd, but oh well.  I continued searching 2" 8d nails when I heard a strange request.

DH Mom:  Can I touch it?

Me: ....Uh...What now?

DH Mom:  Can I touch it?

(apparently I was supposed to be able to tell what she wanted to touch because I am a freakin' mind reader!)

Me:  (an annoyed) What?  Touch what?

DH Mom:  Your beard.  Can I touch it?

Me:  Why?  That's kind of creepy, but I guess you can.

DH Mom:  Cool!

Then she proceeded to fondle my face and tell me that she used to watch me with my son at the park, and she wanted to know why I hadn't been there in awhile.  I told her we were doing a home improvement project that is taking up a bit of our time, so I don't get a chance to go to the park very often.  

Then she said, "Your beard is coarse but soft."

"Um..Thanks I guess.  Can I have it back now?" I said.

She stopped touching my beard and said that I should go back to the park because she and her friends need someone to talk about while they are there.  Apparently, it is fun for them to giggle at me while I am running around with Pizzly.  I said that we might be able to head out there in a week or two and said farewell.  

I am not sure if I am ever really going to go back there because, now, I am a little creeped out!  Then again I am sure I will go back with the boy because he needs to play with other kids now and then.  Besides, it's not like that DH Mom was the first person to want to touch my beard.  It just never gets less weird when someone asks me "Can I touch it?" no matter how often it happens.  

Well, at least she didn't smell it and declare that it smelled like a leprechaun like one couple did at the grocery store did once.

Anyway, whenever anyone asks about my face fur it is weird, but I think it makes it even weirder when someone roughly my age asks to touch it. Usually it is only the elderly and youngsters and some precocious teens that want to do that.  Maybe I ought to trim it before December 25th...Nah, it goes too well with the season to do that now.


  1. How did they know what a leprechaun smelled like?

  2. Apparently, Leprechauns smell like Irish Spring, which is what I used to wash my hair with that day.

  3. Irish spring, yummers! I would have guessed lucky charms though.

  4. A leprechaun? Ridiculous. Have you ever thought about shaving it? I mean, is the weirdness of the interaction overriding the coolness of the beard?

  5. It's for a special red-suit! Plus it is super cool. Who cares what anyone else thinks!