Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Quitcherbitchin'!

Warning: This isn't quite my usual thing here.  I am posting a response to some crap that I had the misfortune of reading.  Aaw!  Who am I kidding?  This is exactly what I do from time to time and everybody knows it!


Every once in a while I have the misfortune of reading something that just really pisses me off, and my poor wife has to sit and listen to me rant about it all night, usually while smirking and giggling at me.  

Well, thanks to Chickpea, a really good friend of ours, last night was one of those nights.

She pointed out an NPR discussion or article, or whatever they chose to call it, to me, which I just had to read because I can’t help myself.  Once someone shows me something I have to find out what it is even if I am reasonably certain it is going to piss me off.

Anyway, this article was titled "Parenthood Got You Down?  You're Not Alone", and it was written by some jackal named Alan Greenblatt.  

The first thing I noticed was the picture of the happy family at the top, which was actually kind of cute, so I immediately assumed that this would be a cute, cheeky, and fun article that I might really enjoy. 

You know.  The kind of stuff that is just dripping with obvious sarcasm much like what the ladies from Mommyland, that my wife and I love so much, write.  

But, I was wrong to assume. 

It wasn’t cheeky and fun at all. 

It was just irritating, and normally I would just ignore the fact that I ever read it, but Chickpea, who my wife adores and I just moderately like now that she subjected me to this filth, wanted to know what my take on it was.  

So, here it is…get ready



The guy irritated me on a number of levels.

1 I wanna know where this jackal lives.

No, I don’t want to drive up to his house and kick his tish all over his own front porch.  I just want to know where in this country are there parents that at least try to be stoic because I want to go there.

I don’t know about where you all live, but around here it seems like the only thing that parents do is complain about their kids, and declare that their kids have ruined their lives.
It makes me sick, and I am tired of hearing that loaf of pumpernickel. 

If Greenblatt wants to hear selfish people complain relentlessly I will gladly trade places with him. 

In fact, I am already packing my bags.

2 “Parenting is miserably hard”

Most times when people say something like this they really mean, “It’s freakin’ hard to place someone else’s needs above my own because I am freakin’ self-centered and don’t want to have to deal with a little demanding bastard because I need my me time.”

Bull donkey!

I have said this before and I will say it again. You’re a parent.  

You lost the right to me time!

Your kids, especially the littlest ones, need you to be there because there are a lot of things that they can’t do for themselves yet.  You can’t ask a little one to console themselves when they are sick.  You can’t ask a little one to feed themselves when they are hungry.  You can’t ask them to clean up after themselves after they messed their draws either.

So, suck it up and deal with it! 

If you’re not capable of being there for your kids 24 hours a day and 7 days a week then you had no business having them in the first place!

Remember, they didn’t ask to be born!  They need you and you owe it to them to be there even if that means your life sucks because you are constantly cleaning up after them and hearing them scream.

What did you expect it to be like?

3 “Let’s be honest…there are times when the whole enterprise feels like a bad idea.”

Holy Donkey Kong!

When I got to this part of the article I almost lost my loaf in a rage filled, hair pulling tantrum.

Well…not really…but I was moderately annoyed.

I am going to keep it real here.  You all know as well as I do and as well as every other reasonably intelligent person in the world that parenting is not always going to be happy-go-lucky, sunshine comin’ out yer ass cool. 

There are going to be days when your kid/kids are going to throw massive tantrums, there are going to be days when they are going to make you question your self-worth, and they are going to wear you out completely. 

No, that is no fun for anybody, but it’s nothing you shouldn’t be prepared for.

Yeah, kids can be a major pain in the nethers, but what kind of selfish, self-centered prick would ever wish them away by saying something like “…the whole enterprise feels like a bad idea.”

What! Now, you’re second guessing yourself?

It’s a little late for that jackal!

So, there you have it Chickpea.  My take on the article you made me read.

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