Monday, August 22, 2011

The Illiterate, the "Douchey," and the Normal!

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On Saturday the wife and I decided to take the little guy to the zoo to view the elephant extravaganza!  

Overall, we had a great time!  We got to see a couple of really close friends we haven't seen in awhile, and we got to look at animals.  

But, on the downside there were other people there, and if you have ever been to the zoo on a nice day when it was crowded you know how irritating other people can be.

From what I understand, there are only ever three types of people that go to the zoo.

1. The illiterate:

These are the people that go around and tell their kids the wrong names of the animals that they are seeing even though their is a placard right in front of them that states the correct name.

This is perhaps one of my largest pet peeves.  Just because you don't care enough to find out what the real name is doesn't mean that you should lie to your kid and say that it is something else.  

2. The "Douchey":

These people really are the people I despise most in life, not just at the zoo.

These guys somehow think that the world revolves around them and that common courtesy and good manners doesn't apply to them. 

They don't pay any attention to what's going on around them, they're not above shoving their way in front of other people, they certainly would never help anyone even if it is as simple holding a door for a parent who's pushing a stroller.  And, they never seem to be able to control their kids.

So, while you are trying to trying to get your kid close enough   to look at the lions you have to contend with these little bastards that are determined to make you lose your already frazzled mind and their obnoxious parents who refuse to wait five seconds to view anything and are trying to shove, not just you but your toddler too, out of the way so they can get a closer look.

These people just seem to be heelbound on making me apeshit insane!

Seriously, I watched a Shovey McShoverton push an older gentlemen with a toddler out of the way so Shovey could look at monkeys.  

What the hell is that about?!

The older guy tried his best to shame Shovey McShoverton, but it didn't work.  

He said, "Gee sir, I am sorry that I felt like I had a right to let my granddaughter look too.  I guess I should have known better!"

Shovey's response was priceless! "Oh...don't worry about it buddy.  It's cool." 

To be honest, this may not have been the exact conversation, but I am fairly sure it is pretty close.  

Anyway, I knew that Shovey McShoverton clearly didn't get it, which is sad, because the jerk quickly tried to do the same thing to us at the lions.  


I ended up picking the little man up and waiting at the back of the line for a few minutes before I gave up and decided to take a photo because that was likely to be the only chance my little one would have of seeing the lions that day.

3. The Normal:

The little man and his mama, who is decidedly "Normal." 
The normal people are kind of the non-nondescript ones at the zoo or anywhere really.  They don't push and shove, don't let their kids run wild, they don't annoyingly call animals the wrong names, and are primarily considerate and helpful, sometimes annoyingly so.  

Overall, these normals just seem to be common, everyday decent people that are really trying to raise their kids to be good folks.

It's just too bad that normal people aren't so normal anymore.  It seems like everyday more and more normals are getting recruited by douches.  I fear that soon we will all be douches, wondering where all the normals have gone.  

On second thought, we won't wonder at all because douches are incapable of thinking or caring about anything but themselves.


You know, of the three categories of people at the zoo, I would like to think of myself as a normal, but I am not sure if that is correct.  I am getting to be quite douchey in my old age, and at best I am a mixture of normal and douchey and sometimes illiterate.  It just seems like the harder I try to be normal the douchier I feel, which, in turn, makes me less inclined to care about whether or not I am telling the boy the correct names of all the animals.

I guess that just goes to show you that there really aren't any firm lines when it comes to categorizing people's personalities.  Perhaps, the best we can do is recognize when we are being jackholes and try to not be anymore.


P.s.  The boy did get a chance to see the lions after all, but, sadly, was not impressed.  He largely preferred the noisy siamang apes in there outdoor exhibit.  

P.p.s. Shovey McShoverton is still out there probably being an inconsiderate asshole.  You've probably seen him, or her in some cases.  

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