Thursday, August 4, 2011

Egotesticle Meritocracy

Yes, I am well aware that I did in fact misspell the word egotistical in the title.  I did it on purpose.


I don’t know. 

It’s not like I am going to try to prove that success based solely on merit alone is highly improbable.  That’s been done before by many people who are much smarter than I am. 

No, I purposely misspelled the word egotistical in favor of my spelling of it, egotesticle, because I believe that the ambition that drives people to never be satisfied with what they have and to always want more and more is less about self-improvement and more about displaying the size of their massive metaphorical balls.

And that just isn’t right!

I’m talking about keeping up with the Jones’s here.  That’s what really drives so many of us to work our butts off, but when is enough…enough?    Let’s face it.  We all have a need to one up our neighbors, co-workers, or who ever.  It is like we turned our lives into one giant pissing contest where the one with the biggest balls or penis or fish or whatever wins.

But, whipping out our nethers for measurement is uncouth, so we use substitutes.  We show off our million dollar houses, our fancy shmancy cars, our big screen televisions, our in ground pools.  Hell, we even try to stroke our own ego by buying an unholy amount of toys and knick knacks for our kids. 

Why do you think I had to go out and buy my boy a fancy shmancy wagon with a cover on it? 

Sure, I wanted him to have it because it was cool, but I also wanted it for selfish reasons, like as an ego enhancer.  I can’t very well walk around town with my minnow flopping around shouting out “Go ahead and stare!  I know…it’s huge!   Who’s got a measuring tape?” to prove my worthiness as a man, a person, and a parent.

Of course I couldn’t that would be terribly disgusting and wrong, and, besides, it’s only a minnow for crying out loud, and a minnow is not known as an impressive fish.

So, no, I couldn’t do that, but I can proudly pull my kid around in a supercool wagon thinking “Yeah, you know it’s cool.  I’m so cool.  I’m way better than you!”

But, before long, a neighbor will bring home an even cooler wagon, which will make mine look all flaccid and useless, so I will have to run out and search for an even biggerer, betterer one. (yeah, that's an awesome reason to spend the money that we have worked so hard for)

Anyway, this cycle will ceaselessly continue with bigger and bigger wagons until one day when we realize that the size of our wagons don’t matter because a wagon is a wagon is a wagon is a wagon…they are all fundamentally the same.  They serve the same purpose.   So what if one is larger than the other?  They will both get the job done.

But, we will have to wonder, what kind of lesson did our continual fish measuring contest teach our kids?  Did we really want to teach them to never be happy unless they have the biggest metaphorical fish? 

Do we really want them to bust their asses at jobs they hate just so they can boost their ego’s with material items?

Gosh no!  I don’t want that at all, but that is exactly what I  taught him every time my peepee substitute needed an upgrade.  My mighty minnow must have been thinking for me because I would never want to imply to my boy that material wealth is the most important thing of all.

Boy is that stupid!  I really hope that is a lesson that never sticks because it is really important to me that my boy enjoys his life and enjoys what he does with it.  I don’t want him to work and work at something he doesn’t necessarily enjoy just so he can drive around in a penis substitute with a fully stroked up ego. 

That isn’t happiness.

I want my son to realize that though the dollar may be almighty, it still can’t buy that, happiness.  

You know, that isn’t happiness on that shelf or on that skeezy dealership lot that you’re buying.   It’s clutter.  It’s material possessions that will soon be outdated, forcing you to go out and purchase the next biggest and best version of whatever penis substitute you already purchased yet is now no longer sufficient as a substitute because it isn't the biggest and best anymore. 

This cycle of continual "improvement" will never end Sisyphus.  Roll that stone as much as you want, but before long it is just going to come back down again, forcing you to start all over.  

This is why I think it is important for my son to realize that there are more ways than moneywise for one to be wealthy.  

He also needs to understand that sometimes no matter how hard you work your dreams may just not come true.  

Hey, that's life.  

But, that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy with what you have.  

Yes, by all means work your ass off for what you want, but don’t disparage what you have because sometimes, what you have right now is all that you are likely to ever get…and maybe that’s all you need.

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