Thursday, August 18, 2011

Bathtime Battle!

Well, just prior to the little man passing out there was a battle of epic proportions.

It all started over a simple disagreement.  I wanted to toss the boy in the bath and clean him up after lunch, and he thought he was perfectly clean already.  

I tried explaining to him that he had pureed prunes, ketchup, and hamburger particles all over him and that he needed to wash up before we head outside to play because I am not going to put clothes on him when he is so entirely filthy!

His response was nonchalant, a sort of "You can't make me!" walk away.

Well, that isn't going to fly!

So, I walked over to him, picked him up, and took him to the bathroom and started running a bath.  It went well for a moment and, foolishly, I thought that he was actually going to take a bath with out any problems.

After all, he usually loves bath time and runs right to the tub whenever the word "Bath" is uttered.  Why would today be any different?

All I can say is it was, and I don't know why.

The moment I set his feet on the floor so I could stop the water running he was off like a shot.  I thought he was playing, but he wasn't.  I found this out the hard way.

As I turned a corner to follow him two things came to mind: 1, He is armed with one of my canes; and, 2,he has his game face on!  

Then before I could react he charged.

I took a glancing blow to the left femur.  Yeah, I was hurt, but I wasn't down for the count yet.  I quickly grabbed the broom that was laying on the floor and managed to block several of his advances, but not all.

I was fading.  I was fading fast.

It was clear to me that if I was to survive this encounter something had to happen quickly, so I did what comes naturally to me.  I ran.  

I hobbled off like the wind, hoping to tire him into submission.

But, there was a flaw in my plan.  He can run faster than me for much longer, and our house is kind of small, so I ended up cornering myself by the refrigerator.  

This was a fatal mistake.  I remember hearing a Shrek-like roar and feeling a gnawing sensation on the back of my leg.  It only took a few moments until I was down for good.  The last thing I remember seeing was a prune covered torso flying at my face.

I knew it was only a matter of time before something like this happened.

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