Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Wait Until the New Wears Off!

It seems like the internet is just full of marriage advice.  No scratch that…Parenting websites and magazines are full of shitty marriage advice that is so totally unrealistic that you wonder what planet the people writing this crap is from.

With this in mind, I am going to write some of my own advice to some of the people out there giving everyone else advice because for some reason they think they have all the answers and the “perfect” marriage because of it.

Well, the first thing I am going to say is this, “Bull Honkey!”

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage.

The second thing I am going to say is, “If you think your marriage is so great and should be emulated it’s probably because the new hasn’t worn off yet.  Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so completely na├»ve.”  Just wait until the new wears off and your partnership is no longer so shiny and sparkly anymore, then see what happens. 

That’s when you truly find out if the partnership is great or not!

I am talking about the point in the relationship that you can have an argument with your partner when they are nowhere to be seen.  How is this possible?  Well…at some point you are bound to know the other person so well that you just know what they are going to say and think at any point in time.  Like right now, for instance, I am hearing my wife tell me to get up off my butt and do the dishes, but I’m not going to because I am spiteful and don’t like to be bossed around.

You see?  It is totally possible for me to argue with her even though she is at work, and I am at home. 

I am convinced that a lot of people do this whether they realize it or not, and, if you are like me, your spouse gets home you’ll  still be mad at them and they’ll have no idea why. 

It’s precious!

I do this to my wife every once in a while, and usually…the kicker here is…when I argue with her in my head she is usually right.   So, when she gets home I resent the fact that I was wrong and take it out on her even though she is totally innocent of any wrong doing.

But, prior to the arguing with your spouse in your head stage there are going to be other things going on.  Other stages of life as a spouse.  Like, the stage where you no longer find it cute and endearing to come home and find your spouse’s nasty knickers lying on the floor instead of in the hamper or that whenever they shower or shave they leave hair all over the place or the fact that they never replace the toilet paper roll when they used the last of the roll so you’re stuck on the shitter wondering what kind of mess you are going to make when you get up to get another roll, and then, there’s the evil stench that seeps out of your spouse’s bottom all the time, which no longer feels homey but more like hell to you.

In case you haven’t guessed I am the perpetrator of all these unthinkable acts.  It amazes me what my wife is willing to put up with.  

But, this is how I know that she truly loves me and I truly love her.

We can easily put up with each other’s foibles and shortcomings. 

Yes, we fight, but who doesn’t?

And in the end, it doesn’t matter that we have fights because we love each other and we both know it.  There is no going through the motions with us.  That is how I know I have a great marriage.  I don’t feel like I am just going through the motions and neither does she.

No, that doesn’t mean that I have all the answers, and, no, any advice I give you isn’t likely to be any good, but it means that I am happy. We are happy together.   And, we’re happy because we bothered to take the time to really get to know each other before the new wore off, which may take days or even years, but eventually it will happen. 

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