It’s another wonderful day in the neighborhood. The sun is shining, the neighbors are screaming at each other, there’s a kid riding a skateboard down the middle of the road, some kid just blew a firecracker up in his hand, and I am pretty sure that there is a drug deal going down across the street. It must be summer time in small town trying to be bigger town USA.
I used to really enjoy the summer season, but that kind of changed when the little guy was born. Now, there are a million things about summer that really irritates me. Things like scantily clad people, obviously under aged smokers, morons with fireworks, obnoxiously loud motorcycles, and people who have a tendency to throw their cigarette butts and drink containers in my yard.
Maybe it is because I am older or maybe it is because I am a parent now or maybe I just never noticed it all before, but, for whatever reason, all this crap really pisses me off now when it really didn’t a few years ago.
Here, let me tell you a little as to why.
Scantily Clad People
I don’t care who you are, how hot you think you look, how hot it is outside, or whether you are male or female. Put on some goddamn clothes when you are out in public.
For one thing, it is gross and disturbing to go to a grocery store only to see somebody walking around in what looks like their underwear, and for another thing I am sure that the people walking around half necked aren’t wearing sunblock or anything to protect themselves from the sun. Don’t they know about skin cancer? Don’t they worry about looking like an old lady’s worn out hand bag when they are older?
You know what I am talking about. I know you do. We have all seen what happens to people who tan for years and years. Eventually, because of their constant pursuit of hotness they start looking like leather muppets. I’m not entirely sure that that was the look that they were going for when they started, but that’s the look they ended up with.
This isn’t a new irritation. I have always hated seeing young kids puffing away on their cigs.
What bothers me about this isn’t the fact that it isn’t healthy. It’s because the little brats that make a big show of smoking cigarettes tend to be little douche bags. For some reason they think it makes them look cool or something, but, maybe it’s just me, they usually look pretty stupid with a cigarette hanging out of their mouth.
I also get supremely irritated at these little smokers because they don’t have the common courtesy that big smokers usually have. Little smokers will blow smoke in your face and your baby’s face just to make sure that you realize that they are in fact smoking, while adult smokers will usually turn away from you before they exhale.
Morons with fireworks/firecrakers
Now, this is a classic example of something that really irritates me now that I am a da because I used to be one of those moron kids with fireworks. But, unlike a lot of the morons I see with them nowadays, I never thought that it was a good idea to light fireworks or firecrakers in town where there are other people walking around.
The fact that these people are lighting these things off in town never used to bother me because it’s just a matter of time before I get to watch one of the idiots blow their hands up or something, but now that the little guy is around it is wickedly annoying to have neighbors setting off firecrackers and bottle rockets. Not only is it loud and disruptive to his naptimes, but there is always a chance that a bottle rocket will fly across the street and go off when we are in our yard playing. I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want a bottle rocket exploding in my face or my kid’s face because some idiot across the street has to have fireworks in the middle of town.
Obnoxiously Loud Motor Cycles
With the summer season comes motorcycle season.
Now, I have nothing against motorcycles, but I never understood why the morons with the extra loud bikes all have to rev their engines when they are at a stop sign or a red light. Maybe there’s a law or something that requires every Harley owner to rev his/her engine in order to draw attention to themselves so everyone will be able to identify the idiot who wakes them up every morning or keeps them awake all night working on the thing because it breaks down every day. I don’t know. But, I do know that it really annoys me when the boy wakes up because of a little heavy metal thunder, and I’m sorry but if my Harley broke down after every ride I think I would have to trade it in for a Honda or something.
People who throw cigarette butts and empty drink containers into my yard
Every time I see an empty beer bottle or can or a cigarette butt in my yard I want to freakin’ explode!
I mean really. Who does such a thing?
When I was growing up I would never have even thought to throw my trash into someone else’s yard because I knew if I got caught there would be hell to pay, and rightly so. I would never in a million years do anything like that. I didn’t even need to be told not to when I was a kid. It was just something that no one did.
Apparently it’s not like that anymore because I have to go and check my yard for beer cans, liquor bottles, and cigarette butts before I let my baby boy go out and play. Let me tell you, there aren’t a lot of things that are more irritating than having your toddler discover a Milwaukee’s Best beer can in the middle of your yard next to his swing set.
I can’t wait for winter to come.