Monday, June 27, 2011

What the Hell...

Well, I’m wickedly annoyed!  Downright pissed actually.

In fact, I am so irritated I even threatened to leave my wife this morning.

What you may be asking could be the cause of this profound irritation.  Well, nothing less than the show my wife forced me to watch just before we went to sleep last night.  That show was “Toddlers and Tiaras.”

Oh my freakin’ god did it piss me off!

What is wrong with these people?  Don’t they know that beauty pageants are terrible, loathsome things?  In what world is it alright for little kids to worry about being “sexy” especially at 9-10 years old let alone at the 2-5 year old age range?

I was totally disgusted by this program, and I wish I had never even heard of it because I much prefer the life I was living not knowing that such nonsense existed.  I was perfectly fine being oblivious, secure in my knowledge, which was incorrect, that nobody, I mean nobody, would pimp their own children like that!  Now that know I was wrong, I am furious and I am filled with anxiety!

I have always hated the idea of a beauty pageant because they are so goddamn superficial!  I mean, what are we saying as a society when we have competitions specifically designed to be judged by a panel of superficial people who base their judgment solely on how the contestant looks? 

I’ll tell you what we are saying. 

We are saying that appearance trumps brains, so why waste your time going to school and actually learning anything.  That won’t help you stay beautiful! 


It’s all rubbish!

I don’t care who you are.  You need a fall back plan because eventually there is going to be a time when you aren’t going to be nice to look at.  What are you going to do then?

Who knows? 

Now, I hate beauty pageants even more because they are involving little kids in it.  What’s even more atrocious is that all the parents on this “toddlers and tiaras” show claim that they aren’t forcing their kids to do the pageants.  Apparently, the kids all asked to do it when they started at 4 months old or whatever.

Yeah, these kids want to do it!

My ass they do!  They just don’t know any better.

You know, it is one thing if you want to pimp yourself out, but leave your kids out of your insanity, and please don’t kid yourself.  Pimping your children is exactly what you are doing when you force them into beauty pageants.  Might as well get them used to the idea I guess because it isn’t like you’re going to give them any other choices.

I tell you this show, and the realization that this crap actually happens, gave me horrible dreams all last night.  I spent the night angrily tossing and turning yelling at stupid pageant moms and dads in my dreams.  Unfortunately, none of them could understand what I saw wrong in the pageant lifestyle for their kids.  They all just stared at me uncomprehendingly.

Well, after that angry night of dreams I woke up this morning still feeling testy, and the first thing I said to my wife was, “If you ever try to take any of our kids, either this one or any other theoretical children we may have in the future, and enter them into any kind of beauty pageant I am divorcing your ass and running away with them.”
Her reply was a healthy laugh.   


  1. I agree WHOLE heartedly. I find it just plain wrong. Momma's got some unresolved cheerleader issues...

  2. I've always had problems with beauty pageants using adults, never mind babies. Just imagine what mixed signals those little girls are getting.

  3. Awesome!What I love most is the idea of the children having a "choice". Watch the show for 10 minutes and I can't imagine how anyone can say that with a straight face.