Monday, June 6, 2011

Is My Baby Boy Really Human?

The other morning as I was enjoying my extra-large cup of coffee and watching my son dance around the living room I noticed something, and it wasn't the normal inhuman stench emitting from his bottom that I have come accustomed to.  i noticed that something or someone has been chewing on my kitchen table and chairs.  My son’s  train table also had chew marks on it as well as almost all of his books.

“What is chewing up all of our stuff?” I wondered.

Well, I immediately tried to blame my two dogs.  After all, isn’t that what dogs do?  Mine have been known to chew things up when they were younger, but now they are both old as dirt, so I was not totally convinced that it was them.  I also have two kitties.  Could they be eating all my stuff?  No.  Why would they?

"I’m pretty sure that we don’t have rats.  Besides, the teeth imprints on the furniture would mean that these were really big rodents." I thought out loud to myself.  

No, it isn’t a rodent problem causing this destruction.

But, what the hell else could it be?

It was at that point that I noticed my toddler had stopped dancing.  I looked down at him and wouldn’t you know.  He was biting a kitchen chair and laughing mischievously at me.

It  was him the whole time.

You wouldn’t believe how surprised I was to come to this realization.  No one ever told me that my sweet little toddler was going to end up acting more like an untrained puppy than a human.   I mean seriously.  He pee’s on the floor, he chews on all my stuff, and he doesn’t listen to me at all let alone come when he’s called!  

The similarities are crazy!

Are all little one's like puppies?

I was totally unprepared for this.  I haven’t had a puppy in years, and I have never had a toddler of my own before!  Why wasn’t this in any of the parenting stuff I have read?  It seems like it is important need to know information that we should all prepare for as new parents.  

Ok.  I can’t say that I was totally unprepared.  I actually kind of figured that baby dogs would be similar to baby humans.   It only makes sense to me.  Sure, at first when I noted this I was shocked, but then I started to wonder, which animal is like the other.   Are dogs like humans or are humans like dogs?  I’d like to say that humans have more sway over canines and how they act, but I am not too sure.  If anything I believe it is a healthy mixture of both. 

Canines and humans have been coinciding for a very long time, so it is inevitable that they would trade or learn different behaviors from one another.  Either way, I wish I would have known that my baby boy would require a significant amount of appropriate chew toys during his early toddler years.  You know toys like rawhides and squeaky toys etc.

I am kidding!  I wouldn’t really give him a rawhide or a squeaky to chew on.  Why would I do that when he has perfectly good shoes to gnaw on?  What is more appropriate than that?

Ok, before I get any irate e-mails questioning my ability to parent my son let me say that I am only kidding for real.  I realize that he is chewing on everything because he has new teeth coming in, and, yes, my wife and I realize this.  We even have those chewies that you can put in the fridge so he can chew on something cool that will soothe his poor little sore mouth.  It’s just too bad that he refuses to chew solely on those refrigerated toddler chewies because my furniture and his books could use a little respite from his gnawing.

But, you have to admit that teething children and teething dogs are pretty similar.

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