Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I Can't tell you how much I hate Kiddie Leashes!

My toddler can now officially kick my butt. 

It was bound to happen at some point, I was just hoping to stave it off for a few more years. 

No, I am not talking about him beating me up in a fight or anything.  That would be ludicrous!  Fighting isn’t allowed in  this household. 

No, I am talking about him being able to run faster, play harder, and do both longer than I can. 

I am so fat!

How fat am I?

I am so fat that last week I busticated all four legs on one of our kitchen chairs while the little man and I were eating lunch. 

Not cool.

Now, I have come to the realization that I am so fat and out of shape that a 16 month old can outrun and outmaneuver me too.  Talk about a slap in the face.  And to think, he is only going to get bigger, faster, and more mobile. 

What am I going to do?

How am I possibly going to control this little monster when I can’t possibly catch him?

I guess I could always throw my cane at him. 

No.  Scratch that. All that would do is get child services called on me, so that is not an option.  I am just going to have to adapt to the situation because I refuse to let my little tyrant rule over me the way I see so many other kids rule over their parents.  But, how am I going to keep up with him?

Well, I have some ideas that I am willing to try, but I am sure as hell not going to put my little man on a leash, so don’t bother even suggesting that!  The idea of it absolutely infuriates me.  I refuse to be one of those parents.  You know…the parents who take their kids to the mall on a leash so they don’t have to really pay any attention to them.  So, while you are shopping there are a bunch of obnoxious rugrats running around on flexi’s trashing the place! 

Yeah, I’m talking about those parents.

If you are going to put your kid on a leash at least teach it to heal properly!

The very idea of having my son on a leash disgusts me.

It just isn’t helpful in any circumstance.  I don’t know this because I have tried it.  I know this because I have never seen anyone in control of any situation involving their kid when their kid was tethered to them with a backpack leash.  It’s not that these parents don’t want to control their kids.  They can’t control them because they have already given up.  They probably really do care that their kids are totally obnoxious, but what can they do about it now that they have officially thrown in the towel?!  Nothing because at that point they’ve let it get too far out of hand. 

Now, there is nothing left for them to do but walk around with their little tykes on leashes in a humble admission of defeat.    

Well, I am not going to end up like that. 

I will never admit defeat even when I am clearly beaten.  So, instead of using an asinine leash to “control” my son and slow him down to my speed, I have decided to try using some good ole’ fashioned exercise to get him to behave at the store.  It will also help to bring me up to his speed, which is a nice little bonus.

So far, it is working because it is kind of hard for my little one to misbehave when he is physically exhausted.  Ok.  So not exhausted, but a little tired.  It isn't like I am forcing him to exercise.  All I am doing is playing with the little guy.  He loves it, and so do I.   
You know what?  I have found that toddlers and puppies really are very similar in that they both need a lot of physical activity. If my boy and I run around and dance and play really well before heading out on a shopping trip then he is much more able to listen to me and sit quietly in the cart while we are at the store.

I use the same principle when I am training a puppy.  You can’t expect a puppy that is just full of all this extra energy to readily learn new commands can you?  Of course not.  First, you have to play with them and burn off some of that energy in order for them to be able to focus on you for a few moments.  

Well, this applies to toddlers too.  You can’t expect them to focus on anything if they are full to the bursting point with energy.  They need to burn some of it off first before they can really pay attention to anything, so why not play with them?  That way you both get to have some exercise and you won't be pulling your hair out later when your little one is running around like a maniac because you've already run them around and burned off a lot of that craziness beforehand.

I can't say whether or not this will work for every kid, but I know it works for mine.

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