Friday, May 20, 2011

Sometimes It's Best to Cut the Ties!

After reading a few blogs and chatting with numerous people on the topic of terrible families, I have decided to share some of my experience with my most terrible family member. The way I dealt with the woman may be extreme, but sometimes the best thing to do is to cut all ties with a person that is bad for you and bad for your immediate family.  As a parent you have to do what needs to be done in order to keep you, your kids, and your family happy, healthy, and safe.  There's no shame in that.

Now it's time for a Dizzy Dad Rant!

Recently, I came to the realization that in every family there are certain people that you are just ashamed and embarrassed to be related to.  Mine is no different!  In fact, it is so bad in my family that I basically gave one of my “relatives” up for dead on the grounds that she is a terrible mother, or at least she was when I actually cared enough about her to keep tabs on her.  Now, I have no idea what kind of parent she is, but I am fairly certain that she hasn't changed all that much.  How could she have?  Well, I am not about to find out because, like I said, she is dead to me now.

Am I being too harsh? 

I don’t think so, and I’ll tell you why.

You see, I believe that it is every parent’s duty to take care of, protect, and love their children above themselves.  If you can’t do this, then don’t have children.  It’s just that simple!  

Unfortunately, this “family member” was incapable of caring for her children as a proper parent.  I guess she was too interested in being promiscuous, as is evident by the multiple children she has had by multiple fathers, to love and take care of her kids.

Now, don’t get me wrong here.  I don’t care how many sexual partners any one has or how many children by how many different "partners" any one has, but once your sex life becomes more important than raising the kids you already have, then that’s a problem.  Kids are supposed to feel loved and safe when they are with their parents.  They aren’t in any way supposed to feel like an unwanted burden.  And, this when combined with other reasons is why I have given up this certain family member for dead. 

She made at least one of her kids feel unloved, unsafe, and unwanted.  And, as is so often the case, there was nothing I could do to put an end to it.  I couldn't take them because she supposedly wanted them.  The state wouldn't do anything because, apparently, people can plead stupidity and that counts for something.  So, I could be nothing but a bystander watching this train wreck called life happen to these poor kids.

It made me so angry!  It still does.  Why do some people decide to continually place their defenseless children into dangerous situations?!

What she put these youngsters through is unforgiveable!

In what world is it ok for any mother to tell her two children that she hated them.  What decent parent would ever tell  his or her kids that they were the biggest mistake of their life and then go out and have more children?  I know that it isn’t ok in mine.  What about yours?

Do you still think I am being too harsh?

Well, if this was the worst thing that happened to these kids then I might agree, but it isn’t.  

I still acknowledged her as family even after witnessing all the hurtful things she said to those poor kiddo’s.  Hell, she was still family even after her son started sobbing uncontrollably at 2 or 3 years old one Christmas morning as he hugged my wife repeatedly saying, “You aren’t a bad boy.  I still love you.  You aren’t bad.  I love you!”

Do you know how heartbreaking it is to hear such distress in such a little boy?  I just wanted to whisk him away and raise him as my own son, but that would be illegal.  I guess it is perfectly alright to not love your kids, and you can abuse them emotionally all you want, but god forbid anyone who might actually love your kids take them from you.  That would just be wrong!

Anyway, even after I witnessed this poor little boy's distress on Christmas morning I still considered that cow to be family, and I still thought of her as family even when she forgot to bring her daughter’s medicine with her so the poor kid could eat.  I swear this happened dozens of times which might not have been so bad if this "mother" hadn’t eaten in front of the poor little girl who was obviously hungry too. 

No, I hadn’t disowned this “mother” from my family even then. 

It wasn’t until after one of her children got molested at a baby sitter’s house that I gave this terrible excuse for a mother up for dead.  The real problem was the fact that she went back to the same sitter after she found out what happened!  What the hell?!  It was like she wanted it to happen again!  

That is inexcusable and unforgiveable!  She doesn't deserve those kids!

So, after all this, I decided that it is best for me and my family to totally extract this person from our lives.  I feel awful that I couldn’t do anything to help her kids, but I can damn sure keep mine safe, happy, and feeling loved.  And one of the best ways I know to do that is to keep people like her out of his life. 

My baby’s well-being is my main priority as a parent.  She should have felt the same way towards her children, but, apparently, she didn’t.  So, she is no longer considered family to me, and I hope to never see her again.  She can rot in hell for all I am concerned.

I, like most parents, will do anything for my child.  Therefore, it certainly isn’t any big deal for me to cut someone out of our lives that I despise wholeheartedly if I think that it is best for him.  So, no.  I don’t think that I am being too harsh or unforgiving.  I am just doing what I think is best for my family.  It is too bad that in cutting her out of our lives I have to cut out her children that I adore as well, but if that is what has to be done to keep the little man safe and happy so be it.   I’ll do it with a clear conscience and have done.

 I’m not a perfect parent, and I realize this.  But, like you, I still have to do what I feel is right for my family even if I am confused as to what is right.  Fortunately, in this instance the decision was easy because I was positive on what was the correct path to take.  It was like I had GPS guiding me or something.

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