Thursday, May 19, 2011

Relationship Advice...From a Parenting Mag?

I have learned a very valuable life lesson.  

Never take marriage advice from a parenting magazine no matter how great it seems to be!

Well, that's true for me anyway.

On Wednesday we received the June’s edition of one of our parenting magazine subscriptions, and boy was I excited!  Sure, I may be being a little sarcastic, but not all that much.  I genuinely enjoy reading some of the articles and I really enjoy the recipes that I get off of these magazines even if they are a little expensive sometimes.   But, recipes are made to be altered right?

Anyway, as I was flipping through the articles in this magazine I came across one that caught my eye.  It was entitled, “Help Your Marriage Survive Parenthood.”  As I read this article I became deeply troubled.  You see, the author started out by telling how she was unhappy with her marriage and how she was jealous of other women and had wished she had married a man that was more like theirs.  That got me worried.  

Does my wife feel like that?  

Does my wife tell others  that “she would rather clean the toilet than bed down with [me]?”

Would she tell me if she felt that way?

You see, I think that my marriage is the happiest it could be. At least I couldn’t be happier with it, but if my wife isn’t I need to do something about it.  

But, what? 

Well, I decided to finish the article and try some of this lady’s suggestions, which was a mistake.  First of all, “interviewing” my friends about their romantic lives with their spouses was a bad idea.  The quickest way to irritate my wife is to spread our “business” around our friend network because sure enough phone calls start flying and pretty soon everyone in the neighborhood starts thinking that something is wrong, and, then, the inevitable phone call from my mother happens asking if everything is alright.  


Well, so far it hasn’t gone that far, but I know all too well that it might. 

The other problem with chatting up my friends about their sex lives and asking their advice on how to spice up ours is that it quickly becomes a joke.  You know how guys are.  Well, my guy friends are no different, and their wives think it is just as funny too, so I am convinced that it isn’t just a “guy thing.” But, maybe I approached the subject wrong.  Either way I am not going to try it again.  It just leaves me feeling embarrassed and emasculated. 

I also read in that article that the author stopped feeling “sexy” and beautiful since the arrival of her children.  I got the sense that she stopped thinking of herself as a woman and only as a mother.  Well, she as much said it, but, anyway, I was thinking that maybe my wife felt like that too. 

I should have asked.

Now, this thought really bothered me.  I think my wife is just as attractive and beautiful as ever.  To be honest with you, I think she is even more so since the arrival of our son.  But, again, if she didn’t feel that way then it is my job as her husband to make her realize it.  

Isn't it?  

So, I went about trying to make her feel attractive and beautiful the same ways that this lady’s husband went about making her feel good about her looks.  I whistled at her when she walked by, I tweaked her little bottom when she bent over,  I didn’t call her “Hot Mama,” but I call her my sweet little Honey Bear.  Maybe, I thought, the key is to make a fuss over her appearance like the author's husband does now. 

Well, as it turns out, all I did was make her angry when I tried all this, excluding calling her my sweet little honey bear.  The whistling was mega irritating.  Tweaking her bottom made her angry with me.  And, when I made a fuss about her appearance she said, “What, you don’t find me attractive usually?  You know I have had a little body living inside of me right?  You do realize that there is more to me than my looks right?  If you have a problem with my appearance then that is your problem.  I can’t help that my body has that lived in look!”

Uh oh!

It appears I screwed up royally!  

How did this happen when I was only trying to make her feel great about herself and let her know that I still coveted her as much as when we were first dating, if not even more so?

It turns out that all I had to do was tell my wife what I was thinking and about what I was worried about.  After I read her the article, she shared a tremendous laugh with me and told me that it was crap and that I had nothing to worry about.  

So, I learned to never take relationship advice from a parenting magazine again even if I did get kudos for trying.  I got all freaked out for nothing. 

I think it is time to stop this magazine subscription it is always getting me into trouble.

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