Friday, April 22, 2011

What am I Going to do About Farty Pants Here?

You know how people with dogs blame their silent but deadlies on their dogs?  Well, the same thing applies to people with children, and I am really certain that my family isn’t the only one that does this.  I have seen this kind of activity from multiple people in public, and I grew up in a household where my dad would rip ass and then blame it on whichever kid was nearest him.  It’s all in good fun right? 

Well, there comes a point where the shenanigans have to stop before someone ends up with a serious case of the brown trousers.  I bring this up, not because I have had the rare opportunity to watch a grown man poop himself in public, which I have seen before by the way and I don’t want to talk about it.  Let's just say it was horrifying!  I bring it up because there comes a point where your flatulence stops being funny and starts being disgusting. 

Not to me of course.  

I am perfectly willing to admit that I am horrendously uncouth.  I love a good fart joke or a good fart.  It is just funny to me, but I recognize that many people fail to see the humor in bodily functions such as that, but I don’t want any one to be offended.  Who am I kidding?  I don’t care if you get offended by it.  In fact, I care so little that I taught my cute, adorable little man to find his flatulence funny.  Just five minutes ago he was sitting on his potty and farting up a storm and laughing his tiny little butt off!  He would laugh and then fart because he was laughing.  It was too cute!  

But, that got me thinking…….. How much trouble is this likely going to create once he starts school?

You know, I always promised myself that when I was younger that if I had kids I wouldn’t try to make them conform just so they would fit in and be popular.  I wanted my baby to be an individual who is comfortable being whoever he is.   Well, now that I have a real honest to god baby boy on my hands, and in my heart, I realize that what I thought was all just bull crap!  

I had no idea what I was talking about then.  I had all these grand notions about how my child would be raised, but that was all crap because in reality I was just as clueless then as I am now.  There is so much to think about when you have a kid that you really can’t even fathom it all before you are holding your baby in your arms and loving it up.  

There are so many worries that magically appear the moment the baby pops out that I swear only occur to try and ruin your otherwise perfect day.  I remember at first worrying about how I am going to have "THE" talk with him before he was five minutes old.  Then my sanity returned, and I realized it was a little soon to worry about that.  Then I started worrying about the whole school thing, and I haven't stopped yet.  What am I going to do?

Of course I want my son to fit in!  I was stupid to even consider that I wouldn’t care if he did or not.  It isn’t like I care for my sake.  I care for his sake!  I remember how horrible other kids were in school.  Anybody who wasn’t “normal” was treated like yesterday’s trash and thrown out to the curb to be hauled away.  It was terrible, and I am sure it isn’t any different now!  Don’t you remember all the ignorant teachers who treated some of the kids poorly just because they were different and they could?  So you know that there are at least a few terrible teachers out there that aren’t above encouraging the ostracism that we all dreaded as children ourselves.  

So, now I am not really all that sure what to do.  Do I encourage my son to be an individual or do I try to stifle his personality with the hopes that he will fit in when he is a little older and going to school? 

I should hope that you all know already what I am going to do.

I am going to try a mixture of the two.  I am hopefully not going to stifle his personality in anyway, but I want to teach him that there are definite limits to what is acceptable behavior.  He needs to know that what is ok at home with his mom and da isn’t always going to be considered acceptable out in public, especially at school.  Sure, it would be nice to just let him be rambunctious and outspoken wherever he is, but that isn’t realistically feasible.  In the real world, that kind of behavior will get him into real trouble, and no teacher is going to like that. 

I can't believe that I am starting to get so apprehensive about this whole thing already because he is only 14 months old.  I keep asking myself, "Am I going to have to teach my little man to be two people at once?"  If I am, then this will be hard for me to teach him because I’m not sure how to go about it.  I am afraid that it might come across as being yourself is bad and being like everyone else is right.  I don’t want him to think that, but I also don’t want him to have a hard time in school either.  

Maybe I am thinking about it too much.  I don’t know, but I don’t want to wait and see what happens.  I want my son to be prepared for it.  I guess in reality the only real thing I can do is be willing to fight for his happiness.  And we all know that I am willing to do that!  All parents are willing fight for their kids.  All good parents anyway! I just hope it doesn’t come down to that too often.


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