Monday, February 14, 2011

It's the Little Man's B-Day! Here's a bit About Him.

The day he was born
I can’t believe it.  The little man is a year old now.  I have to say that this has probably been the best year of my life too.  Why, it seems like just yesterday we went to the hospital to pry him out and catch a glimpse of him.  I can still remember that day pretty vividly, and I am really surprised at myself because I didn’t pass out or anything.  I didn’t even think that I was going to.  It wasn’t anything like television and movies led me to believe it would be.            

9 months old and loving it
It all started on a Saturday morning.  My wife woke up and said something about having contractions, but since she didn’t act alarmed I didn’t either.  We both pretty much just hung out that morning, relaxing as best we could.  Then we went to our friend’s house for lunch.  Yes, we went to have lunch at our friend’s house while my wife was having contractions.  It was her idea, so don’t yell at me. 

5-6 months old at the Park
Anyway, as we ate lunch or early dinner, my friend’s wife decided to time my wife’s contractions and they were like 3 minutes apart or something.  Honestly, I don’t really remember how close they were, but they were pretty close.  I do remember getting a little excited and nervous then, but being a macho man meant that I couldn’t show it.  I tried to laugh it off as them imagining it, but I knew they were right.  Eventually, she and her husband talked us into going to the hospital, which ruined all of my plans.  It wasn’t much of a plan.  I was just going to go to Dunkin’ donuts to get a gigantic box of coffee and a few dozen donuts, but I ditched that idea because I was worried that there wasn’t enough time.  Thus my beautiful plan was ruined, but since there was a chance that my baby would be born on the 13th instead of on Valentine’s Day I wasn’t too upset about it.  Who am I kidding anyway?  It didn’t matter to me when he was going to be born as long as he was healthy. 

3 months old in the Johnny Jump Up
The reason that I had originally planned to go to Dunkin’ Donuts and buying one of those gigantic boxes of coffee and a few dozen donuts was so I could take them to the hospital staff.  I figured we’d be there awhile and what harm is there in making friends with them since we were not about to go anywhere anyway.   Well, the Dunkin’ Donuts trip didn’t happen.  I am sorry.  Yes, I could have left once we got to the hospital and dropped my wife off, but there was no way I was going to take off and leave her like that.  Actually, I was afraid that if I left I would miss something important.  You know, like the birth of my very first child, but apparently giving birth to a child takes a lot longer than I had expected. 

Since I was in for the long haul, I decided to take note of my surroundings.  The very first thing I noticed was that the Olympics were on.  I believe they were doing the luge at the time.  The second thing I noticed was that, so far, nothing was how the movies and television made it seem.  My wife wasn’t screaming and threatening to kill me, but the night was still young.  I expected it to happen eventually. 

As it turns out, my wife is a toughy.  She really didn’t make any noise at all other than hum every once in a while and tell me that it hurts.  I felt so bad for her.  The third thing I noticed was that the hospital staff didn’t really have a sense of humor, and I very quickly learned to shut up and stay out of the way.  At about midnight a nurse came in and asked, “How are you feeling?  Are you doing alright?”  Of course, me being a smart ass replied, “Oh I am doing alright, but thanks for asking.”  You should have seen the evil look that got me from this tiny little nurse.  I thought that she was going to kill me, so I quickly vacated the room and went to get my wife some ice chips and what not. 

 Well, after a few hours, maybe 12 or so, of walking with my wife and trying to be helpful in any way possible my wife decided to get an epidural.  What was odd about that was that she asked me what I thought about it.  I didn’t answer.  I am afraid I just looked shocked because all the while my wife was humming through the pain and telling me conversationally that it hurt terribly, I was hearing this screaming and commotion from the room adjacent to us that was very disconcerting.  It sounded like a torture chamber or something.  You know, if it were me giving birth, I would have gotten an epidural within the hour of arrival.  But no, my wife had to be all tough cookie about it.  I was so proud of her, but dismayed that she didn’t want to relieve some of her pain.  Just the thought of it made me want to cry.  I can’t imagine what it actually felt like, and I don’t really want to know either.

The day after the little man was born
At around 6 am my wife’s midwife showed up in pajamas with her hair all messy from sleep.  I couldn’t help but smirk a little, and then I looked in a mirror and realized that I looked exactly the same minus the boobs and substitute jeans and a t-shirt for the pajamas.  She said that things weren’t progressing very quickly and went home and took a nap and came back looking like she meant business.  By then one of our friends showed up for a little extra moral support.  She told me to take off but by then I had already spent a number of hours in that little room with my little wife, and I was not about to go anywhere until the birth was over with, which happened at 2:15 in the afternoon.   

3 months old after bath time
Oh my, did the process of getting my son out scare the crap out of me!  I won’t give you all the details even though I could because I had to hold one of my wife’s legs up because she was so tired, but I will tell you that I was really surprised at the amount of hair my son had the first time I saw him.  I swear he popped out said, “Hey Da!” and shot back up where he came from three or four time.  Each time I noticed how thick his hair was.  He was going to be a fine looking boy I thought, and, so far, I am right. Other than that, I will also tell you that during the first attempt to get him out his heart rate dropped dangerously and he had to be rolled over to the right direction, which didn’t quite work out the way they wanted it to.  In the end they had to yank him out with a suction cup, which was a trick because of the amount of hair he had on his head.  Nevertheless he came out; our perfect little Valentine’s Day baby.  I was speechless, trembling and trying my darnedest not to cry and collapse.  He was beautiful even if he did kind of look like a baby mole.   

After he was all cleaned up and ready to go to the receiving room I think they call it I said something like, “Thank you so much.  I guess we’ll see you guys in about a year with our next one.” to the nurse.  Apparently, that wasn’t funny.  I got yelled at because the nurse thought I was being serious.  She started going on about all the health risks and what not.  When she finished my wife told her that I was joking and the nurse said, “You don’t know how many morons I see every day that do stuff like that.”   I took her word for it and went quickly to my wife’s new room before I could get myself into any more trouble with the angry nurse.  Then two short days later we were home with our baby boy wondering how much we were going to screw him up over his life time.  Hopefully it won’t be too bad for him.

4 months old 
Like I said before, it is so hard for me to believe that it has been a whole year since that wonderful day of his birth.  He has grown so much!  He is just the happiest little squirt and I often wonder where the heck he got such a pleasant personality from.  It must be something he got all on his own because everyone knows that neither my wife nor I are what you can call pleasant people.  I am also astounded by my son’s sense of humor.  I swear he has been telling jokes and playing pranks on me since he was five months old.  He’ll run up to me and try to hand me something, and just when I think he is actually going to give whatever it is he has to me he yanks it out of my hand and screams in laughter.  He’ll either do that or he’ll come up to me and lean on me and then let one rip and giggle like crazy.  Where does he get this stuff from?  It is amazing.  Before becoming a father I would never have guessed in a million years that infants could be capable of that kind of behavior.  To be able to pull a prank like that takes a surprising amount of foresight if you think about it.  I think babies are a whole lot more aware of what’s going on around them then a lot of people give them credit for.

Looking back over this past year I am not sure how much of it I would change or do differently in regards to my son, but I do know that I wouldn’t buy half of the crap that I did for him.  Right now we have I don’t know how many strollers that we don’t use, a crib that has never been used, an extra pack and play that has been used to store toys in, and a whole lot of other crap that I can’t even think of right now.  But, like so many other first time parents my wife and I were afraid of doing something wrong, so we bought all that worthless junk because most of it said it was safer than the other brands.  Well, now that I think about it, everything says that it is safer than the other brands.  It doesn’t matter what it is.  It could be diapers, ointment, or it could be a car seat, but you can pretty much guess that no matter what the product is it will advertise itself as the safest thing going for your baby.  Well, now that I know that, I will be prepared for the next one if he or she ever arrives.  I am kind of hoping that he/she does show up eventually because I still have a lot of love to give and one more little one running around would be perfect to use it on.   I am a little abashed at having figured out that that is all the little one really wants. Love.  He doesn’t care which diapers he wears or what kind of stroller or car seat he sits in.  As long as my wife or me is with him and love him he is happy.  Wouldn’t it be nice if that was enough for all of us?

Baby Bath time


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