Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Go Ahead Love 'em up! They'll Need it Later!

I am a firm believer that you can never tell your child how much you love them and how important they are to you especially when they are little.  My wife and I think of it as fortifying them for later on in life when they truly need to feel loved.  Therefore, I don’t care how many people tell me that I am holding my son too much or hugging and kissing him too much.  I realize that a lot of other people don’t do this to their kids, but what if they had and do?  Would it be so terrible?  No, of course not.  What is the worst that could possibly happen?  Are you worried that your kids would feel loved and respected?  Oh my god, how terrible would that be?  Come on, give me a break!  As humans we all have a lifetime of disappointments and heartache, and I think that many of us would be better able to deal with this if we all had a stronger basis of love when we were little.  That is when it is most important isn’t it?  Aren’t our younger years the building blocks to the rest of our lives?  Then why not make these first few blocks the strongest?

Most of us know that it is easier to build something than it is to rebuild, and it is always easier to rebuild something that already has a strong foundation than one whose foundation crumbles easily.  This holds true for people too doesn’t it?  I don’t know how many times I have spoken to my friends when they are having problems and feel broken as adults.  I am sure you have had this opportunity too because there are times when we all feel broken.  Well, in your experience, which of your friends bounce back the quickest?  I am willing to bet that it is the friend who had the happiest and most loving childhood because they are more likely to have a strong sense of self-confidence due to feeling and knowing that they were loved as a child.  They will probably feel like they have a strong support network too, which will back their confidence even further.  So, why wouldn’t we want to help our kids out later in life by showing them how much we care now, when they are young and easily molded? 

Oh, and, believe it or not, your sons can benefit from this too.  I am just saying that’s all.

Now please don’t take this the wrong way.  I am not saying that your parents didn’t love you or that you didn’t know that you were loved as a child if it takes you awhile to bounce back from feeling like you are in the crapper.  I am only saying that society doesn’t make it easy for us to feel good about ourselves most of the time.  I think that this is especially true for our menfolk.  In fact, I am thinking that little boys could benefit from a little extra love and affection the most because there is a long standing tradition in our culture that expects our males to hide most of their feelings and emotions.  Well, let’s face it, for most of us anger and aggression is the only acceptable emotion for males to have and share.  No, I am not saying that this is true for everybody.  It’s just true for the majority.  Well, I think it is about time we changed this truth because I have heard that it is just not healthy, and I believe it.  I don’t want my son to feel limited on how he feels.  I want him to feel comfortable discussing his feelings.  There is just no reason why he shouldn’t.  It will be healthier for him.  So, I am going to love him and show him how much I love him as much as I possibly can now and as long as he will let me with the hopes that it will mitigate the expectations that society places on him later on in his life.  Yeah, I know that loving him is no guarantee that he will be confident and accepting of his feelings, but I have to try don’t I?  I don’t want him to turn out like me or all other guys I know.  If something is bothering him, I want him to feel comfortable talking about it with someone before it overwhelms him.  In fact, I wish I could do the same, but I can’t.  I don’t know how to.  All I know is that when something bothers me I try my best to ignore it or make a joke out of it right up until the point where I throw a complete and utter shit fit.  Then the process repeats itself eternally.  That is just no way to live and there is no good reason why it has to be like that.

Therefore, I am going to try and stop the cycle from repeating itself with my son.  I am going to show him how much his momma and I care about him as often as I can.  Hugs and snuggles are awesome, and a simple “I love you” is just so easy that I don’t understand why it was ever considered a faux pas for men to say it.  Is it because it made people feel good?  God forbid anyone should feel good about themselves.  What was I thinking?!  Well, whatever it was that made it uncouth doesn’t matter to me because I want my kid to feel loved and supported here at home regardless of how shitty society is going to make him feel later when he is a little older.  Hopefully, this will help him get through all the hard times he is sure to face throughout his life.   

P.s. I know that I focused primarily on our sons today, but, believe me, our daughters could benefit from a little more love, compassion, and affection as youngsters too.  Let's break this cultural belief right here and now, and let's do it together.

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