Monday, November 22, 2010

Why is it that I Only go out to Eat at a Chinese Buffet? Where else can you take your brat?


Well, I have finally become the parent that has the noisy child in the restaurant.  Although, my son doesn't cry and scream like many other children do, he only chatters and shouts random syllables every once in awhile.  


I remember that being just as annoying to me before I had a kid of my own, and I remember vowing to myself then that if ever I should have a child I would not go out to eat any more just because I didn't want to be the dad who let his kid make all sort of noise while people were eating.  


So far, I have broken that vow, and I will continue to break that solemn vow too because I have learned that there are places where it is alright for a baby to make noise, like WalMart for instance.  


Every kid makes noise at WalMart, and the beauty of Walmart is that infants and toodlers  aren't any less intelligible than most of the other patrons.  So, it is perfectly alright to shop there  with your tiny tot.  


The Science center is cool for kids too, and they are even encouraged to make noise and have a shrieking good time.  


As far as restaurants go though, I have only found one type that is suitable for children all the time.  That my friends is the Chinese Buffet because I can't stand many of the fast food chains due to the fact that I always feel gross and vaguely sick afterwards, but Chinese Buffet is cool.

It's cool because almost every time you go to a Chinese buffet there are scads of free-range children already there.  They are making noise and pestering people, but that doesn't really seem to make a difference to anybody.  It's always the one restaurant, besides Chuckie Cheese's, that I expected to find unruly children.  


So, of course, now that I have a child of my own, a Chinese buffet is exactly where we head to go out and eat.  The wait staff at out local establishment are always extremely courteous to my son.   They even do the creepy play nibbling thing on him occasionally, which is alright because they never mistake me for him.  


They play with him and love it when he gets excited and shouts out randomly.  It is the perfect place to bring a young one.  Your child won't even stand out in the least because they will barely be heard over the din of other eaters anyway.   


And, holy crap are there some noisy eaters there.  


My favorite is the crowd of raucous laughers that always seem to arrive just after we arrive. Then, there is always the table of people who make that awful grunting noise when they eat that I always seem to get placed next to.  It's terrible.  


How do they do that anyway?  


It seems like it would interfere with their ability to swallow.  I have tried to mimic that sound when I eat and almost choked to death.  


Anyway, chinese buffets are usually loud and unruly, so what better place is there for you to bring your child?  Your whole family will fit right in.  It will be just like visiting your parents or in-laws.  Don't deny it.  I know it's true and so do you.

So, if you are afraid that bringing your child with you when you go out to eat at a restaurant will disturb your fellow eaters, try going to a Chinese Buffet somewhere. They are all over place, and, from my experience, they are all virtually the same.  They'll already have scads of un-watched children streaking through the isles, so what could your kids possibly do that would be worse?  


If noise is the issue, don't worry about it.  What's one more voice within the crowd?  


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